Asteroid RC 15: “I Purposely Avoided Collision With Earth”

OUTER SPACE: In an exclusive interview, RC15, an asteroid that, on Sunday, passed closer to earth than the moon, says it purposely avoided a collision with our planet.

“I really, really did not want to hit you guys after I got close enough to see the kind of shit the human race is going through. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have no problem whatsoever colliding with an inhabited planet. But once I realized how polluted, overpopulated, mismanaged, and just generally dismal Earth was, I had to do everything I could to miss you guys.” Read more Asteroid RC 15: “I Purposely Avoided Collision With Earth”

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EPA Report: ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’ Responsible for 34% Decrease in Polar Ice Caps

WASHINGTON – In an alarming press conference delivered this afternoon, Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Gina McCarthy announced that the ALS “Ice Bucket Challenge,” which has, since June 30th, gone viral on social media websites like Facebook and Twitter, is estimated to be responsible for at least a 34% reduction in the mass of arctic sea ice. Read more EPA Report: ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’ Responsible for 34% Decrease in Polar Ice Caps

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Lorax and Al Gore in Twitter War Over Earth Day

The Lorax and Al Gore have become engaged in a bitter war of words on Twitter as to who has done more for environmental awareness and the observance of Earth Day.

The Former Vice-President threw down the gauntlet yesterday when he called Mr. Lorax a short, hairy pussy who thinks he owns the movement, to which Lorax replied “Look in the mirror, bitch!”

Lorax, who uses the handle @speaks4trees, and Mr. Gore, @chickenlittle, have escalated their rhetoric today on the annual observance of the environmental holiday. Read more Lorax and Al Gore in Twitter War Over Earth Day

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Facing Extinction, Olive Garden Traces Dinosaur’s Demise For Answers

70 Million years ago in modern day Orlando, Florida – It is a warm, sunny afternoon during the Cretaceous Era as Breadsterastyx, a close relative of Triceratops, feasts on a large garden filled with ferns and wildflowers, while closely watching one of its offspring grazing peacefully.

Suddenly, from behind the trees comes a towering Tyrannosaurus Rex seeking a substantial meal to satisfy its insatiable hunger. Read more Facing Extinction, Olive Garden Traces Dinosaur’s Demise For Answers

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Giant Sinkhole Draining Gulf of Mexico

NAPLES, FL – Despite warnings of rising coastal waters around the globe, scientists, in late 2012, found that the coastal waters abutting the Gulf of Mexico were actually declining at a rate of .001 (1/1000) inches per month. While in and of itself, this seems like an insignificant amount of change, over the course of the past year or so, the coastal shores have grown by more than that amount, or roughly .07 inches (7/100) or more. Read more Giant Sinkhole Draining Gulf of Mexico

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Freedom Industries Explores Its Freedom to Pollute W. Virginia Waterways

Freedom Industries, the more-important-than-humans industry conveniently located next to the major river supplying water to nine counties of a rural portion of West Virginia, has contaminated the drinking, bathing, teeth brushing, clothes washing water of thousands of people with a coal foaming agent that leaked out of their plant. Read more Freedom Industries Explores Its Freedom to Pollute W. Virginia Waterways

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