Archive | Environment

Ice Storm Victims learn Horrible True Meaning of Christmas

Ice Storm Victims learn Horrible True Meaning of Christmas

Many Torontonians and Americans have had their power knocked out by a catastrophic ice storm, but some are taking solace in the fact that being cursed with such utter darkness has taught them the true, horrible meaning of Christmas.

The ice storm has brought down thousands of large tree branches which knocked out power lines, causing power outages in the homes of over 200,000 Torontonians alone. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Religionism0 Comments

Santa Gives China High-Sulfur Coal for Being Bad

Santa Gives China High-Sulfur Coal for Being Bad

Santa isn’t pulling any punches this Christmas.

China was bad. REAL bad.

Executing thousands of people for economic, social, political, drug crimes. Then selling their organs. Making the families of the deceased pay for the bullets.

Oppressing Tibetans and Uighurs and anyone else they happen to have under their thumbs. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Health0 Comments

Seattle’s narrow escape from the icy grip of winter

Seattle’s narrow escape from the icy grip of winter

Whew! That was that a close call. There was a point earlier this week when I thought I might never see my kids again. Worse yet, I feared that my final blog post might be last week’s lame rant about Sarah Palin.

How humiliating. I live in Seattle, and for the past ten days, the entire city has been hunkered down in the grips of an arctic blast so bone-chillingly cold that most of us wondered if we’d ever again be able to venture outdoors in December in flip flops and shorts. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Human Interest0 Comments

“Old Man” Winter Relinquishes Control to Son Biff

“Old Man” Winter Relinquishes Control to Son Biff

Old Man Winter has reportedly turned over operational control of the winter season to his son, Biff according to sources close to the personification of nature.

Citing health issues, Old Man Winter made the announcement in late November and his overly ambitious son has wasted no time in establishing complete control over the frigid manifestation.

After first declaring himself president and CEO of Winter, Inc. Biff Winter called a news conference early this morning to confirm that he indeed has the reins of all daily operations. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Environment10 Comments

Black Friday Special: Green Bio-Methane Grill

Black Friday Special: Green Bio-Methane Grill

Innovar Products LLC has something for every taste this holiday season. It’s a grill that cooks up your favorite steaks, burgers and even veggie burgers, with 100% natural gas reclaimed from renewable sources.

“It’s the greenest thing this side of grass,” says Jason Holmesworth, marketing director for Innovar. “Methane is the leading greenhouse gas. We’re capturing it in a natural, non-invasive way, and selling it to eco-friendly consumers.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment0 Comments

Scientists Embarrassed To Have Just Now Found World’s Largest Volcano

Scientists Embarrassed To Have Just Now Found World’s Largest Volcano

TOKYO — Geologists working with the Institute of Really Obvious Shit (IROS) sheepishly admitted yesterday that they have just now found the world’s largest volcano.

According to Lead Researcher Dr. Cataract, “It’s a big ol’ fucker, too. Not sure how we missed it. But, well, there it is.”

RIGHT: A photo of a different, far-more-interesting volcano that actually has the lava and the explosions and what not, and which was probably discovered back when it mattered.. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment0 Comments

Causality up-ended in the Southern Hemisphere (comic)

Causality up-ended in the Southern Hemisphere (comic)

Imagine if penguins got around to being hack philosophers, and they did it causal Friday. Casual Friday? Either way, doesn’t matter, they’re just flightless birds, so don’t take them too seriously.

If causality had made you a penguin, would you ponder the existence of existence? Continue Reading

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Posted in Comics, Environment0 Comments

Global Warming Producing Some Really Effing Awesome Weather

Global Warming Producing Some Really Effing Awesome Weather

INDIANAPOLIS – Despite international concern over CO2 emissions and rising global temperatures, people from all across Indiana are discovering that global warming is, for better or worse, producing some really fucking awesome weather right now.

Fears over increasing sea-levels, ferocious natural disasters and far-reaching droughts were cast aside this afternoon as Hoosiers enjoyed a comfortable 62 degrees – unseasonably high for early January. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment0 Comments

God Apologizes to Florida: Storm Debby Actually Intended for New Orleans

God Apologizes to Florida: Storm Debby Actually Intended for New Orleans

NEW ORLEANS, LA – As Storm Debby battered the state of Florida Monday, His Lordship Almighty God apologized profusely to the Sunshine State, after admitting that the tropical storm – which has caused widespread flooding in Tampa, Tallahassee and Jacksonville – was in fact intended solely for New Orleans. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment0 Comments

What Penguins Look Like on Casual Friday (comic)

What Penguins Look Like on Casual Friday (comic)

I Googled this before I drew it, and sure enough, there wasn’t a whole hell of a lot out there showing what penguins might look like out of their tuxedos. Turns out, at least according to my comic, that it’s because they don’t look terribly good that way. Continue Reading

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Posted in Comics, Environment0 Comments

It’ll Take More Than A Lousy Thunderstorm to Stop Man Making Stupid Decision to Go Walking During A Thunderstorm

It’ll Take More Than A Lousy Thunderstorm to Stop Man Making Stupid Decision to Go Walking During A Thunderstorm

INDIANAPOLIS – Not content to just sit at home, local man Brian Caskey insists it’ll take more than this lousy-ass thunderstorm to prevent him from making the stupid and highly irresponsible decision to go walking during a thunderstorm.

Heading out to a grocery store in downtown Indianapolis Monday, Caskey was seen gesticulating upward to the gloomy skies, while crying out: “is this the best you can do?” Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment1 Comment

WebMD-diagnosed Man Definitely Has AIDS, or Possibly Just Eczema

WebMD-diagnosed Man Definitely Has AIDS, or Possibly Just Eczema

DES MOINES, IOWA — It was reported earlier today that local farmer Henry Myopic “definitely [has] AIDS… or maybe eczema.”

The 73-year-old Myopic, who regularly checks the WebMD website in an effort to pinpoint his assorted ailments, was able to narrow his latest illness down to one of the two diseases after nearly an hour of careful research. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment0 Comments

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