Archive | Environment

Melting Glaciers Making “Really Nice” Ice Cubes for Inuits

Melting Glaciers Making “Really Nice” Ice Cubes for Inuits

GREENLAND–Last year, a melting glacier known as the Petermann glacier calved off a sizable chunk of ice approximately twice the size of Manhattan.

And the Inuit couldn’t be happier.

Apparently, the Greenlandic natives have been benefiting from global warming trends for quite some time. Much of the ice that has been breaking off of these glaciers is going directly into their handmade water pouches. Continue Reading

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Wild West, Non-Wisconsin Weinie Winters

Wild West, Non-Wisconsin Weinie Winters

Anyone who has spent any time in Colorado or any western ski resort areas has noticed the high density of Wisconsiners living there (to avoid any violent misunderstandings and to remain socially correct, by ‘high density’ I am referring to the percentage of population, not the thickness of their skulls).

There is a disproportionally large population of them coming from a state with only five million, most of them cows. I am one myself (a Wisconsiner, not a cow.) but don’t tell anyone. Continue Reading

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NASA Scientists Warn; More Asteroids, Comets and Meteors On The Way to Destroy Earth

NASA Scientists Warn; More Asteroids, Comets and Meteors On The Way to Destroy Earth

NASA scientists have revealed that the recent meteor explosion in Russia, the flyby of asteroid 212 DA 124, the strange meteor shower over Florida and the mysterious fireball spotted over southern California are simply precursors of the devastation yet to come.

“Essentially”, said NASA spokesperson Jennifer Conspire, “we are advising people to enjoy their lives now because Armageddon is coming!”

Conspire stated that the end of the world is coming and there is little that can be done about it.

“Eat fatty food, drink, get laid, smoke, take a trip around the world on credit or do any hair brained things you can think of because it all won’t matter in a few months”, Conspire declared. “Unless you’re one of those religious people who believe in karma or something”.

NASA administrator Charles Bolden refuted Conspire’s clams. “There’s a few meteors headed our way but everything is going to be just swell! Don’t listen to that crazy lady! I’m going to fire her!”

Later that day Bolden was seen cashing in all his stocks and booking a flight to Aruba.

NASA scientist Joel McKenzie agreed with Conspire’s declaration. “Some of them we can see coming whereas others we can’t. In any case, we don’t have enough nuclear weapons to destroy them all or even divert them. We’re doomed!”

16 year old Jake Mulligan and his 15 year old girlfriend Jenny Stratalucci are planning on having sex this weekend to make sure they are not virgins when the end times come.

Chicago businessman Peter Manklevitch says he is going to spend all his money on prostitutes and beer this weekend. “I sure as hell hope this ain’t just a rumor”, he stated.

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Posted in Environment, Science & Technologizzy3 Comments

Arizona to Experience Worst Coastal Flooding in Decades

Arizona to Experience Worst Coastal Flooding in Decades

TEMPE — Meteorologists agree that the storm surge, combined with the seasonal monsoon already covering Arizona, could mean the worst flooding coastal Arizona has seen in more than a generation.

“Well we’ve already been seeing rainfall of over one inch per day,” said Sahid Gupta, Arizona native and senior secular meteorologist at the New Day Horizons Center for Wellness. “Which is normal for this time of year, but the storm surge is threatening our coast now.” Continue Reading

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PhD Thesis Lists “Yahoo Answers” as Source

PhD Thesis Lists “Yahoo Answers” as Source

MIT has become embroiled in a massive academic scandal after the discovery that one of its PhD students’ thesis utilized Yahoo Answers as a source.

Although details are still murky, sources inside the university claim PhD candidate Phillip Kwon inserted the citation as the 84th footnote for his doctoral thesis on Intermolecular Transpiration, which he defended before a committee last spring. Continue Reading

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Posted in Education, Environment3 Comments

Kyoto Protocol – What Has It Achieved? (INFOGRAPHIC)

Kyoto Protocol – What Has It Achieved? (INFOGRAPHIC)

With the Kyoto Protocol’s expiration in 2012, InfoProductReview.org have taken CO2 emissions data from the UN and PBL to assess its impact so far. Sadly, the data shows that while there have been more successes that failures amongst nations with Kyoto targets, global emissions as a whole have continued to soar.

This guest story comes from Jamie Rose, an artist and part-time green activist concerned with global climate change and greenhouse gas emissions. Continue Reading

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Al Gore’s Carbon Footprint Visible from Space

Al Gore’s Carbon Footprint Visible from Space

Spectacular new images of Earth were released by NASA yesterday detailing various aspects of our magnificent blue and green marble.

One photo in particular stood out above the rest: a crystal clear shot of billions of carbon molecules in the form of a giant footprint covering most of North America.

Scientists would have been completely in the dark as to the owner of the footprint if not for the letters “GORE” on the bottom of the foot. Continue Reading

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Rabbit Too Cute for its Own Good Starting to Annoy Other Forest Animals

Rabbit Too Cute for its Own Good Starting to Annoy Other Forest Animals

Next to a cold gaggling brook, in a small but verdant patch of green, settled serenely in the heart of the North American deciduous forest–the place where that “fresh car smell” is born–lives a baby cottontail rabbit named Booby.

And, as you can see from the picture above, this is no ordinary Sylvilagus Floridanus. You may remember him as the star of our award-winning biopic “A Glorious Tail” (previously titled “Can’t See the Forest for the Booby” and also just “Booby Bunny: The Life and Times”). Continue Reading

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Top Ten Things that Will Happen on Groundhog Day

Top Ten Things that Will Happen on Groundhog Day

It’s a merry, storied tradition in Punxsatawney, PA, one that goes back 123 years (including leap years). Lore has it that if Punxsatawney Phil sees his shadow, he predicts six more weeks of winter.

Phil has rarely been wrong, or right for that matter, as his prediction is sufficiently squirrely (a term for which he has particular distaste) that one could argue he’s always right… or wrong.

But February 2nd is more than just my mom’s birthday. No, it’s a landmark that only occurs on about 1/4 of 1% of all days on the calendar.

Well our prediction is that today will be more than mere shadows and winter. Here are the top ten GlossyNews.com predictions for Groundhog Day 2013.

  1. Bill Murray will refuse to answer any telephone calls, as is his custom.
  2. Phil will see a negative shadow, predicating summer arriving two weeks ago, to the shock of all in the northeast.
  3. The groundhog will come out, see how chubby his hog shadow is, and declare four more weeks of P90x to burn off that stubborn winter fat.
  4. The shadow will emerge and eat Punxsutawney Phil. Onlookers will not protest.
  5. Brian Doyle-Murray will tell five different people at a bar that he was in the film “Groundhog Day”. One will buy him a drink.
  6. The Republicans Will Declare 6 More Years of War on the Climate Change Believers, leading to record fundraising.
  7. Nothing. Punxsutawney Phil died, Punxsutawney Paul, a known layabout, moved into his digs and was late getting out of bed.
  8. Some gun nut gets Groundhog Day confused with the beginning of hunting season.
  9. Julian Assange will claim that Wikileaks has documents to prove Groundhog Day is a government conspiracy, much like daylight savings time.
  10. Charlie Sheen surprises everyone by proclaiming himself Mayor of Punxsutawney. Citizens will embrace him as their new leader.

This article also had contributions from Brian K. White.

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Posted in Environment, Human Interest2 Comments

Should the Federal Government Help New York & New Jersey Rebuild?

Should the Federal Government Help New York & New Jersey Rebuild?

The northeast was recently devastated by super-storm Sandy and the local government has found that, unlike in other natural disasters, federal action and relief has been slow coming.

To some it appears a matter of the politics of fiscal responsibility, while others cry out that catastrophes are non-partisan. Should the government respond? How should the government respond? Are we even asking the right questions? Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Politics1 Comment

Unseasonably Warm Weather A Reminder Man Didn’t Recycle Bottles Last Month

Unseasonably Warm Weather A Reminder Man Didn’t Recycle Bottles Last Month

INDIANAPOLIS – A recent spate of unseasonably warm weather, which has seen December temperatures peak in the mid sixties, has acted as a timely reminder that local man Dennis Kowalski never got around to recycling those damn bottles last month.

Though he routinely separates his trash into paper, glass, and general waste, the 34-year-old – reportedly overwhelmed by last month’s Thanksgiving – admits that he may have accidentally lumped everything together in the same garbage bag(s). Continue Reading

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Scientists Dismayed As BP Throws More Oil-Absorbent Cash at Gulf

Scientists Dismayed As BP Throws More Oil-Absorbent Cash at Gulf

Since the 2010 explosion on the Deep Water Horizon offshore oil rig, which killed 11 people and spilled 205 million gallons of crude oil, British Petroleum has been pumping billions of oil-absorbing dollar bills into the Gulf of Mexico and Mississippi Delta.

The BP money has become a symbol of the company’s continued effort to restore the ecosystems decimated by the spill. However, according to environmental scientists, the oil-absorbing cash isn’t helping as much as BP predicted and in some cases, is even exacerbating problems in the affected areas. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, World News1 Comment

Snow Storm ‘Set to Bury Hundreds of Other News Stories’

Snow Storm ‘Set to Bury Hundreds of Other News Stories’

INDIANAPOLIS – Heavy snow fall is expected to batter much of the Midwest Thursday, spawning fears that it may wipe out hundreds of “otherwise highly relevant news stories.”

Production teams are on standby in news rooms across the state of Indiana, as the heavy snow fall continues to bury stories that would – under any other circumstance – become prime time talking points on the nighttime news. Continue Reading

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UN Ponders Cloning Extinct Wooly Mammoths as New Global Food Source

UN Ponders Cloning Extinct Wooly Mammoths as New Global Food Source

United Nations- New York City – (SatireWorld.com)

The United Nations Special Committee on Global Nutrition has partnered with Nickoli Butechefski, a noted Russian genome theorist, in developing a strain of DNA to be used in cloning an extinct species for a possible new global food source.

Dr. Butechefski has devoted almost 35 years in the recovery of frozen Wolly Mammoth remains from the Siberian tundra, many of which are in a remarkable state of preservation. In the last 15 years, Butechefski has taken thousands of DNA samples and is ready to begin cloning the Mammoth by inseminating DNA into an Indian Elephant female. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Science & Technologizzy5 Comments

Candidates Politicize God’s Subtle Climate Change “Reminder”

Candidates Politicize God’s Subtle Climate Change “Reminder”

GlossyNews.com – “Look, I tried,” God grumbled, “Picked the most populated part of the country, some of the most contentious states in the election and altered both of their campaign routes, but did they listen? Noooo.”

In a last, desperate attempt to create some political discussion on climate change, God sent Halloween hurricane Sandy, which made landfall a week before Election Day. It flooded states, stopped mass transit systems, and at least 4 people didn’t get their mail on Monday. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Religionism2 Comments

Hurricane Victims Find Coping With a Treeless Landscape Difficult

Hurricane Victims Find Coping With a Treeless Landscape Difficult

Newark, NJ – (SatireWorld.com)

A once thriving grove of maple trees is all but destroyed after hybrid-hurricane Sandy left the Garden State in shambles with winds topping 100 MPH and an unprecented storm that devoured buildings and boardwalk. Now, unseen difficulties plague some of New Jersey’s most beloved inhabitants. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment0 Comments

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