Thad “Cochroach” Cochran Now Considered Lowest Form of Politician

Jackson, MS – It now appears that Republican Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran cheated and used the lowest of political tactics in his recent Republican primary to hang onto his political power at all costs.

Fellow republicans now refer to Thadeus as “Cochroach” Cochran after the campaign his team led against his republican challenger, which lead to a very narrow victory for the politician. Read more Thad “Cochroach” Cochran Now Considered Lowest Form of Politician

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Angry Liberals Vow to Open New Chain of Stores Called ‘Snobby Lobby’

Boston – Liberals are seething over the Supreme Court decision which allows Hobby Lobby to not have to offer certain birth control products which they believe induce abortions and which violate their religious beliefs.

Hateful people took to twitter after the decision was announced and threatened to “burn down Hobby Lobby stores across the country.” Read more Angry Liberals Vow to Open New Chain of Stores Called ‘Snobby Lobby’

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Nancy Pelosi to Reprise Role in Sequel to Brazil Movie

Hollywood – Nancy Pelosi has agreed to appear in the sequel to the 1985 movie, Brazil. The trippy movie based on George Orwell’s book, 1984, is scheduled to be released in late 2015.

Pelosi appeared in the original film to play Mrs. Ida Lowry whose most famous scene shows the woman’s face being stretched like Silly Putty.

The casting is a coup for the studio because of the untold thousands of dollars they will save on makeup, labor and special effects for Pelosi’s character. Read more Nancy Pelosi to Reprise Role in Sequel to Brazil Movie

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Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe

San Francisco – The city council has approved spending tens of millions of dollars to construct a system of safety nets under the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to thwart future suicide attempts which have plagued the landmark for decades. Read more Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe

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Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border

Laredo, TX – The federal government has opened a new no-kill shelter in this border town to help find homes for thousands of new illegal immigrants who continue flooding into the country.

In the past, if an illegal alien sneaked across our border and was captured by the US Border Patrol, they were either tagged and released or held for three days before being euthanized if a suitable home could not be found for them. Read more Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border

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