Category: Environment
EPA Report: ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’ Responsible for 34% Decrease in Polar Ice Caps
WASHINGTON – In an alarming press conference delivered this afternoon, Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Gina McCarthy announced that the ALS “Ice Bucket Challenge,” which has, since June 30th, gone viral on social media websites like Facebook and Twitter, is estimated…
Lorax and Al Gore in Twitter War Over Earth Day
The Lorax and Al Gore have become engaged in a bitter war of words on Twitter as to who has done more for environmental awareness and the observance of Earth Day. The Former Vice-President threw down the gauntlet yesterday when…
Facing Extinction, Olive Garden Traces Dinosaur’s Demise For Answers
70 Million years ago in modern day Orlando, Florida – It is a warm, sunny afternoon during the Cretaceous Era as Breadsterastyx, a close relative of Triceratops, feasts on a large garden filled with ferns and wildflowers, while closely watching…
Giant Sinkhole Draining Gulf of Mexico
NAPLES, FL – Despite warnings of rising coastal waters around the globe, scientists, in late 2012, found that the coastal waters abutting the Gulf of Mexico were actually declining at a rate of .001 (1/1000) inches per month. While in…
Freedom Industries Explores Its Freedom to Pollute W. Virginia Waterways
Freedom Industries, the more-important-than-humans industry conveniently located next to the major river supplying water to nine counties of a rural portion of West Virginia, has contaminated the drinking, bathing, teeth brushing, clothes washing water of thousands of people with a…
31% Chance that Miley Cyrus Will Develop Frostbite During New Year’s Performance
New York, NY – Pop icon and cultural wrecking ball Miley Cyrus is scheduled to headline the festivities in Times Square, performing just before the ball drops to start the New Year. According to forecasters, the weather at midnight should…
Oil Companies Have Reversed Idea Of The Spirit Of Christmas
Oil companies, some of the wealthiest entities on earth, have somehow a skewered idea of what Christmas is supposed to be about. This is due to their RAISING the price of gasoline for the holiday week instead of in the…
Ice Storm Victims learn Horrible True Meaning of Christmas
of Christmas. The ice storm has brought down thousands of large tree branches which knocked out power lines, causing power outages in the homes of over 200,000 Torontonians alone.
Santa Gives China High-Sulfur Coal for Being Bad
Santa isn’t pulling any punches this Christmas. China was bad. REAL bad. Executing thousands of people for economic, social, political, drug crimes. Then selling their organs. Making the families of the deceased pay for the bullets. Oppressing Tibetans and Uighurs…
Seattle’s narrow escape from the icy grip of winter
Whew! That was that a close call. There was a point earlier this week when I thought I might never see my kids again. Worse yet, I feared that my final blog post might be last week’s lame rant about…