Month: June 2014
Jersey Shore’s “The Situation” Arrested for Fighting at Tanning Salon
Middletown, NJ – Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, who gained notoriety on MTV’s classy show Jersey Shore, was arrested for fighting with his own brother at a local tanning salon that the pair own together. Apparently, the double douchebags came to…
Jimmy Cracks Corn, Gets 20 Years
(Hambone, Alabama)–Jimmy was sentenced to 20 years for cracking corn as if no one cared. According to witnesses, Jimmy was observed cracking corn and repeatedly asked to stop, but refused. “I saw Jimmy sitting over there on that bench cracking…
The ‘Avengers’ Called Upon to Battle Militant Extremists in Iraq
United Nations – The United Nations has formally asked the ‘Avengers’ to step in and quell the current wave of violence in Iraq that is being waged by the extremist terror group known as ISIS. As the terrorist savages closed…
“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Obamymorons (They’re not what you think)
Announcer: Today’s guest on “Yucky World” will be noted political consultant and lexicologist W.C. “Scoop” Pooper. He will be discussing a new political term, Obamymoron, with our talk show hosts Dick and Janey. Janey: Welcome, Scoop. Dick: Hey, what’s the…
First Nations Emboldened, Demand Red Sox Change Their Name
With the hurricane centered squarely upon the Washington Red Skins, some native American tribes have seen fit to target the Red Sox, declaring them a hate-group in thier own right. “I’ve watched the Red Sox play for years,” said Margery…
The Many (questionable) Roads To Success
So many are struggling in our current difficult economic times where the few controlling the financial strings of the country have the rest of us dancing around just to survive while they watch from the porches of their grand estates…
CNN Knows What Happened to Missing Emails From Lois Lerner
Atlanta – CNN president, Jeff Zucker, has leaked information that shows the network is aware of what happened to two years of missing emails between embattled IRS operative, Lois Lerner, and various people in government, including the White House.
Girls Stab Friend in Honor of Slenderman; Glad it Wasn’t in the Back
Two girls were arrested by the Bureau of Academic and Constitutional Owners for Niggas force for allegedly stabbing a girl after trying to prove the existence of the Photoshopped myth “Slenderman”. When questioned by the judge, the two girls responded…
Jay Carney Addresses Sex Change Transformation Rumors
Washington – Outgoing 16 year-old White House press secretary, Jay Carney, has finally admitted his secret sex change transformation from a man to a woman is well underway and that hormone replacement therapy is ongoing. Carney, who originally had planned…
Catholic Church Commemorates Scientology for Beating Their Scam Record
The bald-ass monkey pope from the Catholic Church in some schmancy European country commemorated the Church of Scientology this week for utterly destroying their record set since their foundation back when the bearded old man went up in the sky….