Two girls were arrested by the Bureau of Academic and Constitutional Owners for Niggas force for allegedly stabbing a girl after trying to prove the existence of the Photoshopped myth “Slenderman”.
When questioned by the judge, the two girls responded by stating, “Hey, at least it wasn’t in the back.”
The judge was surprised by their testimonies and decided to let them go off with a warning, only if they promised to never do it again.
And to prove their loyalty, both were submitted into extreme actions that will scar them both for life; The Pinky Promise.
The Judge had nothing to say but “May God have mercy on their depressed and misunderstood souls.”
We sat down with Emily Edwards, a babysitter of one of the girls, to try and get some sense of why in the world they had stabbed their friend in the woods 19 times in the heart and not go with an even number like 20. The thought of an odd number being the times she had stabbed the heart was disturbing, even for our journalists.
She responded with, “She was completely normal, nothing off about her. She was very social, friendly, outgoing. Although this one time, I did see her sacrificing a lamb to our lord and savior Lucifer. When I asked her about the sacrifice, I advised her to use a butcher knife next time because it was easier to cut through the damn head.”
It was an obvious case here. The people of Wisconsin weren’t bad people, but rather misunderstood, up to a point where everyone viewed them as evil. These ordinary Satan worshipers had the decency to stab their friend in the heart and not in the back. Oh dear God, anything but the back!
We also spoke one-to-one with the website’s editors at CreepyPasta.com and asked them why in the world they would put an odd number of stabbings instead of an even one. If someone deserves for their heart to be taken out of their socket, it should be respectfully and honorably, not some kind of odd number stabbing and shit.
Our various attempts of agreement proved to be unsuccessful, as the users of the site made up another story of how we should sacrifice the Jews.
In the end, the whole town came to final and peaceful solution; The town will only kill of people with an even amount of stabbings and will do it in a remote location where no one will give a shit about anything.
Their slaughter factory was soon relocated to Detroit.