Announcer: Today’s guest on “Yucky World” will be noted political consultant and lexicologist W.C. “Scoop” Pooper. He will be discussing a new political term, Obamymoron, with our talk show hosts Dick and Janey.
Janey: Welcome, Scoop.
Dick: Hey, what’s the latest poop, Scoop? Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
Scoop: Well, President Obama has finally stepped in it this time with the Sergeant Bergdahl trade!
Dick: I’m not surprised. That’s what happens when you lead with your bee-hind.
Janey: Please, Dick! What’s an Obamymoron, Scoop?
Scoop: It’s when people realize that what you said or did contradicts reality.
Dick: Like Bergdahl was so near death that the President didn’t have time to consult Congress?
Dick: Then “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor” would also be an Obamymoron?
Scoop: Absolutely! But it doesn’t have to be something President Obama said or did.
Janey: How about “Read my lips! No new taxes”?
Scoop: Exactly! Obamymorons can be bi-partisan!
Dick: What about Susan Rice saying Bergdahl was “captured on the battlefield” and “served the United States with honor and distinction”?
Scoop: That’s a double Obamymoron. Those are hard to do!
Dick: Not for Rice. Don’t forget her Obamymoron that the attack in Benghazi started out as a protest over a video.
Janey: I’m a little concerned that some people might think the term Obamymoron is racist.
Scoop: You know, it’s really just a play on the word oxymoron, like “jumbo shrimp”. Obamymorons are very similar to oxymorons; they both have built-in contradictions!
Dick: And no one’s ever said that using the term oxymoron meant a person was prejudiced against oxen.
Janey: Ri-i-ght, Dick. But why pick on Obama?
Scoop: Because he’s so easy. Remember when Obama said he was against presidential signing statements being attached to bills and that his administration would be the most transparent ever?
Janey: But sometimes reality is different from what you expected.
Scoop: Yeah! And when reality gets in the way of transparency, and Bush can’t be blamed, you can always crash Lois Lerner’s IRS computer!
Dick: Look at the President’s goal of equal pay for men and women. The problem was, for Obama’s White House staff, women only earned 88% of what men did!
Dick: How about “I did not have sexual relations with that woman Monica Lewinsky”?
Scoop: Doink! That’s not an Obamymoron!
Dick: Doink! Huh?
Janey: Clinton had sex with her, Dick, not sexual relations.
Dick: I’m confused.
Janey: About sex? I’m not surprised.
Scoop: Clinton was being a lawyer and parsing words.
Janey: Speaking of parsing words, our sponsors have just sent us an email indicating that they would like to have an Obamymoron contest.
Dick: Just email your Obamymorons to us here at the station.
Scoop: Will there be prizes?
Dick: Everyone who enters is guaranteed a free IRS audit!
Scoop: What about special prizes for the best responses?
Janey: For second place, your audit will be conducted in the Rose Garden.
Dick: And you will get a free beer compliments of the President.
Scoop: I’m afraid to ask what first place wins.
Dick: A one week all expenses paid vacation to Qatar where you will stay with the Taliban Five at their safe house.
Janey: Wouldn’t a Taliban safe house be a…
Scoop: Yes! …An oxymoronic Obamymoron!!