With the hurricane centered squarely upon the Washington Red Skins, some native American tribes have seen fit to target the Red Sox, declaring them a hate-group in thier own right.
“I’ve watched the Red Sox play for years,” said Margery Margnar of Lower-Upper Boston-Adjacent. “But I never realized what a bunch of racist jerks they are.”
On the eve of today’s game we’re reporting that there is wide spread looting and rioting. It isn’t actually happening, per se, but we are still reporting it.
Local barkeep Jason Namewithheld said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about. We have $3 pints until seven and half price appetizers after that.”
Surely words of fear and cowardice. Some have said that the only reason they are acting as if it’s business as usual is because of the impending zombie apocalypse.
When asked for comment, self-proclaimed Bean Town sub-facto mayor Harhole J’Kockoff told us, “Don’t know what you’re after, but if you give me two dollars I promise not to bug you until the next game.”
Clearly tensions are running high.
A representative for the nearby tribe said, “You can’t use my name and you can’t say what tribe I’m from. I’m pretty sure this is a hit job. You should get out of here before I [redacted] your [redacted] in the [redacted] with my [redacted] long staff.”
Though tribal nations are not lining up to pursue these perfectly legitimate and legal claims, several independent attorneys from the area are chomping at the bit to get even the tiniest taste of this action.
Much, much less on this story as it fails to develop.