Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Jersey Shore’s “The Situation” Arrested for Fighting at Tanning Salon

Middletown, NJ – Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, who gained notoriety on MTV’s classy show Jersey Shore, was arrested for fighting with his own brother at a local tanning salon that the pair own together. Apparently, the double douchebags came to…

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Posted in Society Strange People

Jimmy Cracks Corn, Gets 20 Years

(Hambone, Alabama)–Jimmy was sentenced to 20 years for cracking corn as if no one cared. According to witnesses, Jimmy was observed cracking corn and repeatedly asked to stop, but refused. “I saw Jimmy sitting over there on that bench cracking…

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Posted in World News

The ‘Avengers’ Called Upon to Battle Militant Extremists in Iraq

United Nations – The United Nations has formally asked the ‘Avengers’ to step in and quell the current wave of violence in Iraq that is being waged by the extremist terror group known as ISIS. As the terrorist savages closed…

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Posted in Opinion/Editorial Politics

“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey: Obamymorons (They’re not what you think)

Announcer: Today’s guest on “Yucky World” will be noted political consultant and lexicologist W.C. “Scoop” Pooper. He will be discussing a new political term, Obamymoron, with our talk show hosts Dick and Janey. Janey: Welcome, Scoop. Dick: Hey, what’s the…

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Posted in Sports Events Sportsfolk

First Nations Emboldened, Demand Red Sox Change Their Name

With the hurricane centered squarely upon the Washington Red Skins, some native American tribes have seen fit to target the Red Sox, declaring them a hate-group in thier own right. “I’ve watched the Red Sox play for years,” said Margery…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Politics

The Many (questionable) Roads To Success

So many are struggling in our current difficult economic times where the few controlling the financial strings of the country have the rest of us dancing around just to survive while they watch from the porches of their grand estates…

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Posted in Politics

CNN Knows What Happened to Missing Emails From Lois Lerner

Atlanta – CNN president, Jeff Zucker, has leaked information that shows the network is aware of what happened to two years of missing emails between embattled IRS operative, Lois Lerner, and various people in government, including the White House.

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Posted in Crime Internets Tubes

Girls Stab Friend in Honor of Slenderman; Glad it Wasn’t in the Back

Two girls were arrested by the Bureau of Academic and Constitutional Owners for Niggas force for allegedly stabbing a girl after trying to prove the existence of the Photoshopped myth “Slenderman”. When questioned by the judge, the two girls responded…

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Posted in Politics

Jay Carney Addresses Sex Change Transformation Rumors

Washington – Outgoing 16 year-old White House press secretary, Jay Carney, has finally admitted his secret sex change transformation from a man to a woman is well underway and that hormone replacement therapy is ongoing. Carney, who originally had planned…

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Posted in Crime Religionism

Catholic Church Commemorates Scientology for Beating Their Scam Record

The bald-ass monkey pope from the Catholic Church in some schmancy European country commemorated the Church of Scientology this week for utterly destroying their record set since their foundation back when the bearded old man went up in the sky….

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Posted in Politics

Hillary Clinton Reveals She Was Original Member of “The Beverly Hillbillies”

New York City – Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton came out of the poor house long enough today, on her current book tour, to confess to the world how hard her life has been. She and former President Clinton…

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Posted in Politics

Former First Lady Hilary Clinton Admits She and Bill Were Homeless After the White House

In a shocking revelation, former First Ladt Hilary Clinton admits she and her husband were ‘homeless’ after leaving the White House. “We were trying to squeak by on Bill’s pension while trying to pay for Chelsea’s education and we just…

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Posted in World News

NRA Buys Chinese Knife Companies To Corner Mass Murder Market In Mainland China

The NRA, in a startling move, has bought up several mainland Chinese knife firms to encourage their nationals use of guns rather than knives. China has recently suffered a number of knife attacks at train stations and other public places…

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Posted in Politics

Support the Troops: US Troops to Be Quartered in Private Homes

WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration announced today its new policy of quartering US troops and domestic security agents in private residences “for the safety of the people in these dangerous times.” Known as “Support the Troops,” President Obama himself announced…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip Talky Pictures

Seth MacFarlane’s Penis Found Dead

Seth MacFarlane, creator of such ground-breaking animated hits as “Family Guy” and “American Dad” discovered his own badly decomposed penis dead in a ravine in rural Arizona. MacFarlane had reported his penis missing a week earlier. He stumbled upon it…

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Posted in Crime Strange People

Open Carry Texas Opens Fire, Saves Lives at San Antonio Sonic

Gun Rights Activists flaunting their 2nd Amendment rights were in the right place at the right time yesterday when they courageously exchanged gunfire in a Houston based Sonic fast food restaurant and saved several restaurant goers the fate of high…

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Posted in Biz News

U.S. Employers Look to Increase Productivity By Hiring More Human Centipedes

WASHINGTON — Following the U.S. Department of Labor’s recent report that employee productivity fell 3.2 percent in the first quarter of 2014, many companies are looking to overcome such weak proletariat performance by investing in the hiring of more human…

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Posted in Politics

President Obama Orchestrates Worst Trade in History of Trades

Washington, D.C. – Most people consider the Boston Red Sox trade of future baseball god Babe Ruth for a cash loan to finance the No, No, Nanette musical to be the worst trade of all time. But No, No, Nanette,…

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Posted in Internets Tubes

Facebook Funeral for Computer Game Enthusiast

TOLEDO – Zed Rigby, 65, a life-long computer game enthusiast, died in his home in Toledo, Ohio last Monday. Mr. Rigby leaves behind no family or actual friends, but a number of his virtual friends are now engaged in virtual…

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Posted in Biz News

Federal Reserve: “We Can Print Dollars Forever”

WASHINGTON – Federal Reserve chair Janet Yellen yesterday affirmed her confidence that the Federal Reserve Bank can “print dollars forever.” Yellen stated at the National Press Club: “The Federal Reserve can expand its balance sheet indefinitely. We are prepared to…

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