Month: June 2014
Brazilian Boy Steals Joke from Friend; Gets Publicly Hanged
A young Brazilian boy, accused of stealing a simple joke from his classmate and friend, was found hanged in front of his home, a pile of human shit piled against one another. The young boy’s mother was left crying her…
IRS Commissioner Gollum Gets Grilled by Congress About His Precious Agency
Washington D.C. – This week has not been kind to Gollum and his “precious” agency, the Internal Revenge Service, as the creature has been on the hot seat having to answer for the mysterious disappearance of Lois Lerner’s relevant emails.
Cattle Rancher Cliven Bundy Actually a Front For Putin’s Seizure of American Territory
The word is out on Nevada renegade cattle rancher Cliven Bundy. Recent evidence has shown that the cantankerous old cow rebel who refused to pay the government for using BLM land for grazing is actually a front man for Russian…
Univision Goes Bankrupt After Soap Operas are Banned in the U.S
After Congress presented the U.S with a bill called “HIJO DE SU PUTA MADRE”, the corporation responsible for distributing the Hispanic culture’s entertainment programs on television, Univision, was declared bankrupt, leaving thousands in ruin and on the streets. One man,…
New California Law Requires College Student to Have Written Consent Before Sex
A new California law requires that before engaging in any type of sexual encounter, college students must first sign a legal document to authorize the act or acts to take place and must be witnessed by at least one uninvolved…
After Dismal Sales, Publisher Recommends Other Uses For Hillary Clinton Book
New York City – Publishing giant Simon & Schuster, desperate to find a way to turn a profit on Hillary Clinton’s new book “Hard Choices”, has come out with other possible uses for the book. The company hopes to entice…
Tech N9ne gets Shady, Leaves Strange
After 16 years of being strange to the hip hop scene Kansas City, MO rapper Tech N9ne leaves the label he created. Tech, whose real name is Aaron Yates has sold over two million albums and has had his music…
Hope Solo, US Women’s Soccer Goalie, Can’t Stop Slapping Things Down
Seattle – Hope Solo, the hot goalie and star of the Team USA Soccer team, is used to swatting things away. Everything from soccer balls to guys constantly hitting on her. But now it looks like the beauty might be…
Nintendo 1 ups Rapper
Michigan rapper gets no option to continue with “Super Mario World” themed clothing idea. “Its down the tubes like Mario i guess” says $Paid (Pronounced Spade) unsigned recording artist and part owner of Street Made Entertainment. The Facebook rhymer got…
Bill Kristol, Always Wrong, Moved to “More Appropriate” Weather Man Role
Outspoken pro-war pundit Bill Kristol is making headlines again for his unwavering support for military action in Iraq and the world at large. Facing pushback, The Weakly Standard has moved him to a more fitting role: Weather Man. “Look,” said…