Month: March 2014
US To Send Bullshit Detector To Malaysia
In the latest effort to uncover the fate of MH370, the United States has announced it will send a state of the art Bullshit Detector to Malaysia. “The BSD will be located adjacent to the Perdana Putra building, which houses…
Choosing the Right Store Brand Ointment is Tough, For Life is Fleeting
By Guest Writer Bill Edgecomb What is this life but a single blink of the eye of an ever-expanding universe? Why do we itch? Is existence itching, the cause of which is the desire for ointment? Are we to just…
Guilt-Stricken Woman Slips Husband Antidote
Woman Seeks “Unconscious Uncoupling” from Comatose Husband
HOLLYWOOD, CA—In May of 2010, Jerry Gilbertson of the L.A. Area suffered a severe balloon animal accident that ruptured a cerebral artery and put him in a coma. Nearly four years later, Jerry’s wife Deborah has become fed up and…
Original Cast of Jaws Reunites for Breadsterastyx, Adds Eddie Murphy
Hollywood, California – In an exciting turn of events on Thursday, DreamWorks Studios announced that it has finished filming a new movie in honor of the fallen Olive Garden restaurant chain and the prehistoric dinosaur that started it all, Breadsterastyx….
Danish Zoo Defends Killing Of Employees
A Danish zoo on Wednesday defended its decision to kill four employees citing age factors, the risk of inbreeding and the arrival of a new, younger male hire. This week’s executions have put the Copenhagen Zoo on the defensive again,…
Carnival Corporation Posts Onboard Cruise Crime Data
In a voluntary effort to be more accountable to the public, Carnival Cruise Lines has released data about 576,727 alleged crimes reported on board their ships during the previous year. Included in the release were 18967 incidents of public drunkenness,…
France Finds Missing Flight 370
After waiting more than ten days to jump into the search for Flight 370, France declared it has found the ill fated airliner off the coast of Italy. “We were delayed due to union repairs on our sole high imaging…
Redskins Owner Dan Snyder To Open Chain of Reservation Liquor Stores
Responding to claims of racial insensitivity over the team name, NFL Redskins owner Dan Snyder embarked on a month long voyage of discovery to dozens of Native American Reservations. In a widely distributed press release issued on Monday, Snyder said…
Christians Buy “What Would an Iron Age Yokel do?” Bracelet
Dateline: CHARLOTTE, NC—Along with its more famous line of wristbands, emblazoned with the words, “What would Jesus do?” Dollars for Jesus, a Christian merchandise company began selling a mysterious alternative, a wristband asking its wearer, “What would an Iron Age…