Posted in War Zone

U.S. Deploys 120,000 Boots to Iraq and Syria

WASHINGTON—Tuesday morning, President Obama announced the immediate deployment of American boots in response to the continuing threat of ISIS in Iraq and Syria. This is in spite of the president’s recent assurance that there will be “no boots on the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! U.S. Deploys 120,000 Boots to Iraq and Syria
Posted in World News

Congress Declares Global War on ‘The Heebie-Jeebies’

WASHINGTON—On Monday, Congress unanimously approved the Authorization for Use of Force against Unpleasant Lifeforms (AUFUL) joint resolution, effectively declaring war on what the Obama administration calls “the heebie-jeebies.” After signing the resolution into law, the president will have full authorization…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Congress Declares Global War on ‘The Heebie-Jeebies’
Posted in Crime

Florida Man Eats Own Face, Goes on Epic Crime Spree

Daytona Beach, FL—On Thursday, Florida Man Randy Travers went on a spectacular 18-hour crime spree that included autocannibalism, first-degree arson, theft, voting fraud, and numerous other destructive acts. He is now in police custody, according to Sgt. Dale Reynolds of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Florida Man Eats Own Face, Goes on Epic Crime Spree
Posted in Strange People

Woman Seeks “Unconscious Uncoupling” from Comatose Husband

HOLLYWOOD, CA—In May of 2010, Jerry Gilbertson of the L.A. Area suffered a severe balloon animal accident that ruptured a cerebral artery and put him in a coma. Nearly four years later, Jerry’s wife Deborah has become fed up and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Woman Seeks “Unconscious Uncoupling” from Comatose Husband
Posted in Health Human Interest

Cleveland Man Content with Penis Size

LAKEWOOD, OH—Jeffery Miller, a car mechanic based in the Cleveland area, is reportedly happy with the length, girth, and performance of his penis. “Yeah, it’s pretty good, I guess,” says Miller, 36. “I’ve never had any problems with it, and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cleveland Man Content with Penis Size
Posted in Health

President Obama Promotes Healthcare.gov with Jackass-Style Stunt Reel

WASHINGTON, D.C.—“I’m Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States of America, and this is Jackass.” So begins the president’s latest viral video—a 22-minute series of dangerous and immature stunts styled after the MTV show “Jackass.” The video is…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! President Obama Promotes Healthcare.gov with Jackass-Style Stunt Reel
Posted in Science

The Universe Is F*cking Ridiculous, Say World’s Leading Astrophysicists

STOCKHOLM, Sweden—Last week, researchers from MIT, Cambridge, The Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, and other renowned institutions met at the World Astrophysics Conference in Stockholm, where many of the greatest minds in astrophysics debated the properties of dark matter, the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Universe Is F*cking Ridiculous, Say World’s Leading Astrophysicists
Posted in Science

Microbiologist Lies About Finding Life on Mars

PASADENA, Ca — Last Thursday, the team leading NASA’s Mars Science Laboratory mission made history when the rover Curiosity identified indisputable evidence of life on Mars—or so it seemed. The historic discovery, initially made by microbiologist Dr. James Weaver, turned…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Microbiologist Lies About Finding Life on Mars