Month: March 2014
Lady Gaga Responds To Criticism Over Head Defecation Stunt
The Internet exploded with criticism Friday after a performance by Lady Gaga at the NSFW Music Festival in Winslow, Arizona, in which a homeless man wet defecated on her head. Gaga was premiering the title track to her new album…
Satirists To Decide Comedic Value of Breadsticks
WILLOW GROVE, PENN. Satirists are gathering at a conference titled “This Article Is An Inside Joke” in Willow Grove this weekend to decide if breadsticks are inherently funny or only so when mentioned in the same sentence as “Olive Garden”….
Cleveland Man Content with Penis Size
LAKEWOOD, OH—Jeffery Miller, a car mechanic based in the Cleveland area, is reportedly happy with the length, girth, and performance of his penis. “Yeah, it’s pretty good, I guess,” says Miller, 36. “I’ve never had any problems with it, and…
Flight 370 – Submitted, For Your Approval
You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is…
Plastic Fork Makes Valiant Effort
Breaking: Glossy News to Feature Malaysia Flight 370 Article
GN Corporate Headquarters—After waiting long enough for someone, anyone, to address the issue that was clearly a major, current topic, Glossy News has finally caved in and decided to break their deafening silence regarding Malaysia Flight 370. “I just know…
US Defense Department Claims MH370 Attacked By Cylons
In a strange press release distributed by the US Department of Defense on Wednesday, US Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel says Malaysia Flight 370 was attacked by time traveling Cylons and was forced to jump to hyperspace. “The Boeing 777 has…
5 Steps To Hosting A Million Dollar Party
So, you made your way into college…Great, good job! Now all that’s left for you to do, is to acknowledge you have no place there and all your future holds for you is a prime career in flipping burgers. Nah,…
Obama Announces Sanctions on Lyudmila Putin
During a White House Rose Garden press conference Thursday, President Barack Obama, in an effort to drive Russian forces from the Crimean Peninsula, announced far reaching sanctions against Vladimar Putin’s wife, Lyudmila. “We have frozen funds in her Citicorp and…
Physicist Detects Origin of CBS Hit “The Big Bang Theory”
CAMBRIDGE, MA – This week physicist Dr. George H. Gebbins finally pinpointed the very beginning of what has been called The Big Bang Theory, thanks to the detection of essentially a beam of light that has been traveling the universe…