Categorized | Opinon/Editorial, Society

Choosing the Right Store Brand Ointment is Tough, For Life is Fleeting

Choosing the Right Store Brand Ointment is Tough, For Life is Fleeting

By Guest Writer Bill Edgecomb

What is this life but a single blink of the eye of an ever-expanding universe?

Why do we itch?

Is existence itching, the cause of which is the desire for ointment?

Are we to just wait for an itch to subside; like so many before us who have merely avoided risk to extend the length of their lives at the cost of truly living?

RIGHT: Image by Canon_Rebel_User via Flickr (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

These and many other questions come to mind when one embarks on the arduous journey of finding effective yet affordable itch relief.

Are we to merely shrug off such a quandary and wait for death’s bittersweet embrace?

Were you to ask me this, I would be hard-pressed to provide you with a satisfactory answer.

Is the temporary nature of an itch merely a mocking and sobering reminder of our mortality?

Which ointment can provide me with the relief that is numbness should I choose to follow such a path?

Is it a fool’s errand to seek refuge in a brand name?

What’s in a brand name?

Is the corner Rite-Aid but a husk which stands as a monument to the illusion of control?

And what of scratching?

Were I to dispute the efficacy of scratching as an amelioration of the issue at hand, however momentary, truly I would be the foole (e added for George). Indeed, this does mend the issue. But for how long?

Am I condemned to wallow in a great sea of unknowns? I fear I have raised more questions than I have answered, which is as unfortunate as it is inevitable.

Update: I, being composed of mere flesh and blood, did humbly take solace at the CVS near Patterson and Maple, for I am but a coward. Whether it be the ointment of the masses or not, I have made my choice. But I ask you, reader(s), who amongst you can truly, upon a sincere and honest self-examination, point your finger in blame?

Update: Worked okay.

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This post was written by

- who has written 35 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Rusty Shackleford is a comedy writer typing away from a bunker in an undisclosed location.

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5 Responses to “Choosing the Right Store Brand Ointment is Tough, For Life is Fleeting”

  1. deeptrout says:

    This site gets weirder and more funny everyday.

  2. Deep Blue says:

    Itching but a small reminder of the subtle inflammation of society leading to the ineviable rot we all must eventually face. Alas to deny the itch is to deny death itself. A foolish gesture at most. Damn my ass itches!

  3. deeptrout says:

    Well, my butt isn’t itching but it is ralphing.

    Got an ointment for that?

  4. Deep Blue says:

    There is no ointment for what ails you, my son. Only with the complete removal of your head will you be able to find your way.

  5. deeptrout says:

    I hope you don’t mind if I get a second opinion.

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