Grammy Committee To Require Black Face

Los Angeles, CA – In response to criticism over white artists Macklemore and Lewis winning several rap categories at this weeks Grammy Awards, the Grammy Committee has voted to require white artists winning in traditional black categories such as Rap, R&B and Reggae to wear black face and use the word “mammy” at least 3 times during their acceptance speech.

“The Grammys are sensitive to charges of white privilege in our selection process and believe these changes will go a long way to addressing those issues” said Grammy spokesperson Don White.

RIGHT: Julianna Hough, seen here at her CD Release party, is hoping to get in on the new trend. (CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE)

In addition, the Grammys will require non white winners in Country Music categories to wear overalls and black out half their visible teeth and non Hispanic winners in Latin categories to wear a sombrero and serve tacos at after parties.

(photo note…Al Jolson?)

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Johansson “I Was Unaware OXFAM Filled w/ Anti Semitic Jew Hating Nazis”

Hollywood, CA – Hollywood screen goddess Scarlett Johansson has resigned as ambassador of international human rights organization OXFAM after receiving criticism from the group over her recent ad work for the West Bank based Israeli company Sodastream.

OXFAM, an international confederation of 17 organizations in 90 countries works to find solutions to poverty and end injustice and exploitation of poor people around the world. Read more Johansson “I Was Unaware OXFAM Filled w/ Anti Semitic Jew Hating Nazis”

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Bridge-gate? Mayor Cokeford? Fuggedaboutit, eh?

Most political scandals in America have a Washington connection. Think Watergate, Abscam, Iran-Contra and Clinton-Lewinsky. In the case of the maelstrom surrounding Chris Christie, however, the Washington connection happens to be the George Washington Bridge spanning New Jersey and Manhattan.

For those who might have been out of the country or trapped in traffic on said bridge, Governor Christie is in hot water because his staffers arranged a traffic tie-up on the GWB last September in retaliation for the lack of a reelection endorsement from Fort Lee’s Democratic Mayor Mark Sokolich. Read more Bridge-gate? Mayor Cokeford? Fuggedaboutit, eh?

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Beautiful Netizen People Burn Butterfly Collector At The Stake

A woman butterfly collector who had the arrogance to write an article describing her honest if not sophomoric and misunderstood anxiety over seeing a chubby black woman at her yoga class has been hunted down, bound, blindfolded and burned at the stake by beautiful netizen people who happened to be without sin.

Non writer Jen Polachek posing under the psuedonym Jen Caren was prompted by an editor at the popular cat-lady in training website XOJANE to write an article about her recent yoga/chubby black woman experience and how as a privileged racist white bitch she should be ashamed of herself and maybe slit her wrists. Read more Beautiful Netizen People Burn Butterfly Collector At The Stake

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Royal Caribbean Granted Special Status by the CDC

Atlanta, GA – Royal Caribbean Cruise Line announced today that its cruise ships have been granted special status as “National Centers For Emerging and Zoonotic Infectious Diseases” by the Atlanta based US health authority Centers for Disease Control (CDC).

Royal Caribbean Public Relations Director Nora Salmon said “This is a win-win for Royal Caribe, the CDC and octagenarians worldwide. Royal Caribbean gets a pass on burdensome health regulations while avoiding damaging press reports when the occasional norovirus breaks out.” Read more Royal Caribbean Granted Special Status by the CDC

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Duck Dynasty Tops WWE and Pawnstars W/E 1/26

Cable TV results are in for W/E 1/26 and Duck Dynasty at 6.6 million viewers easily beats out its cable reality competition.

World Wrestling Entertainment came in at 5.2, 5.0 and 4.3 million for its three Monday shows and Pawnstars clocked in at 5.2 and 4.7 for its Thursday programs.

“Lizzy Borden Took an Ax” had a surprisingly good showing at 4.4. Read more Duck Dynasty Tops WWE and Pawnstars W/E 1/26

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Punxsutawney Phil Delegates Groundhogging Duties to Maringouin Mike

Citing career fatigue and the desire to sleep in on Super Bowl Sunday, Punxsutawney Phil announced today he will delegate his annual weather prognostication to longtime Louisiana business associate Maringouin Mike.

“I’m proud to announce that Maringouin Mike will take center stage this year. Mike has many years experience in predicting weather patterns based on nothing more than the visibility of his own shadow. Let’s all join me in welcoming Mike back to this annual pagan ritual. And don’t wake me up on Sunday!” announced Phil from a pre-written statement before ducking back into his hole. Read more Punxsutawney Phil Delegates Groundhogging Duties to Maringouin Mike

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