Posted on 31 October 2014.
According to the title of the Thomas Wolfe novel, you can’t go home again.
But it looks like Lebron James is going to prove that saying wrong as he happily returns to the site of his first professional basketball success: Cleveland, Ohio.
More importantly, Mr. James has apparently inspired others to follow suit:
George W. Bush
Against all odds, it looks like America’s 43rd president is going to move back to Washington, D. C.
“Frankly, I didn’t think I’d ever want to go back to that godawful city,” said Mr. Bush.
“But Lebron has showed me the error of my ways. If the folks of Cleveland can forgive him and welcome him back with open arms, surely the good citizens of Washington will cheer my return.”
However, it looks as if Mr. Bush’s plans for a triumphant return have been put on hold by the Secret Service who have some minor concerns for their former boss’s safety.
The former first lady made The White House her home for eight years but she hasn’t lived there for almost the last fourteen.
Despite that long absence and some not-so-pleasant memories, it looks like she’s decided to move back in.
“I can’t say that it doesn’t pain me to think about my husband’s infidelities in The Oval Office,” said Mrs. Clinton. “But I figure the best way to deal with those memories is to make new memories of my own.”
Mrs. Clinton is planning on a January 20, 2017 return although there are a number of Republicans and even a few Democrats who may have a say in the matter.
Mr. Cheney has surprised everyone with his recent decision to pay a return visit to Baghdad.
The former vice president is hoping for the same combination of forgiveness and joy that Lebron James is seeking in Cleveland.
“I always said that we’d be greeted as liberators,” said Mr. Cheney. “And I figure it’s time to finally prove my point.”
Unfortunately, due to the constant outbreak of fighting between various factions throughout Iraq, Cheney’s triumphant return visit to Baghdad will have to be postponed until shortly after hell freezes over.
America’s current president is well into his second term and is experiencing symptoms commonly afflicting handicapped waterfowl.
Although he is obliged to serve out the remainder of his term, it appears that he would much prefer to be going home which in this case is the city of Chicago.
“Frankly, I don’t think I’m very useful in Washington,” said Mr. Obama. “Except possibly to make Tea Party Republicans see red. So if nobody really minds too much, I’d like to get back to Chicago.”
Even with the recent raft of shootings in the Windy City, the president figures he’ll still be safer living there than in Washington.
The half-term Alaska governor and unsuccessful vice presidential candidate is often mentioned as a possible Republican presidential contender for the 2016 election. Although Ms. Palin never explicitly disavows that possibility, there always seems to be some reluctance to run on her part.
“Honestly, I’m not sure I want to keep up this political life,” said Palin. “And now that Lebron has shown me the way, I think I’d just rather head back home to Alaska.” That may not be as easy as it sounds, however, as it looks like Alaska may not want her back.