Bridge-gate? Mayor Cokeford? Fuggedaboutit, eh?

Bridge-gate? Mayor Cokeford? Fuggedaboutit, eh?

Most political scandals in America have a Washington connection. Think Watergate, Abscam, Iran-Contra and Clinton-Lewinsky. In the case of the maelstrom surrounding Chris Christie, however, the Washington connection happens to be the George Washington Bridge spanning New Jersey and Manhattan.

For those who might have been out of the country or trapped in traffic on said bridge, Governor Christie is in hot water because his staffers arranged a traffic tie-up on the GWB last September in retaliation for the lack of a reelection endorsement from Fort Lee’s Democratic Mayor Mark Sokolich. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Movement for New State “North Colorado” Meets Opposition from Reality

Movement for New State “North Colorado” Meets Opposition from Reality

“What makes no sense is the current movement by 10 counties in northern Colorado and a few in Nebraska and Kansas to band together to make a new state called North Colorado.” – The New York Times – July 11, 2013

What perhaps makes no sense to The New York Times may, in fact, make perfect sense to those pushing for the new state of North Colorado. If you don’t like gun regulation, oil company regulation and alternative energy sources then maybe this is the state for you. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

The Canadian Association of Political Satirists Says “Meh”

The Canadian Association of Political Satirists Says “Meh”

Canadian political satirists have apparently thrown in the towel. Mr. I. Ron Knee, national president of the Canadian Association of Political Satirists announced at a recent press conference that his association would be disbanding next month.

“I guess, in retrospect, it was inevitable,” said Mr. Knee. “Although, honestly, we never really saw it coming.” Continue Reading

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Posted in World News4 Comments

City of Toronto Press Office Issues City Obituary

City of Toronto Press Office Issues City Obituary

DEATH NOTICE – The City of Toronto — The City of Toronto (known to her friends as The Greater Toronto Area or GTA for short) expired on November 14th in the Council Chamber of City Hall.

The immediate cause of death was extreme humiliation although City had been suffering from acute dysfunction for some time. She was 220 years old.

Born in Upper Canada in 1793 as the Town of York, City had a difficult childhood including a traumatic torching in 1813. However, she went on to marry and in 1834 took the name Toronto. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Obama Resigns… Almost

Obama Resigns… Almost

In a surprise announcement, Barack Obama has decided to step down. Foregoing the balance of his second term, the President will pass on the executive reins of government to his vice president, Joe Biden.

Obama revealed his decision during his latest Sunday radio address. After outlining a progressive agenda for the next four years, he sighed and simply said that he didn’t have the patience or will to carry through with those plans. Continue Reading

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Oscar Snubs Silents This Year

Oscar Snubs Silents This Year

Hollywood’s top silent film producers were shocked to learn that this year’s list of nominees for best picture Oscar included not a single silent picture.

“After last year’s win by The Artist,” said producer Milton Oak. “We figured that those of us making great silent films were once again back on top.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Talky Pictures5 Comments

A.D.A. Gaydar Fingers Fluoridation

A.D.A. Gaydar Fingers Fluoridation

CHICAGO – The American Dental Association today announced a reversal of its longstanding position on municipal water fluoridation. For over 65 years, fluoride has been recognized by the ADA as an effective prophylactic in the fight against cavities.

But recent research may have identified an alarming side effect associated with using such a substance in drinking water systems. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science3 Comments

“Weekly Gleaner” Implements Literal, Physical Paywall

“Weekly Gleaner” Implements Literal, Physical Paywall

PINE RAPIDS, Iowa – Having experienced yet another money-losing quarter, the Pine Rapids Weekly Gleaner has decided to follow the lead of such papers as the New York Times and implement a paywall.

“Let’s face it,” said Editor Dwight Turnbull. “In this 21st century age of multimedia platforms, you can’t compete unless you force the reader to pay his fair share.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc0 Comments

Un-Named Elf Leaks Obama Santa Letter

Un-Named Elf Leaks Obama Santa Letter

NORTH POLE – One of Santa’s right-leaning elves has reportedly leaked a letter to Santa from one of his most famous correspondents:

Dear Santa,

Thanks again for giving me that big white house four years ago. To be honest, that Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics3 Comments

Neighbors Amicably Resolve Fence Dispute

Neighbors Amicably Resolve Fence Dispute

MAPLEVIEW, OHIO – In a rare event, two Mapleview citizens have resolved their fence dispute without resort to violence, litigation or letters to the editor.

Myron Beaver and Stew Lansing, longtime neighbors, were engaged in what could have been a nasty disagreement over their common property line. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest2 Comments

Fiscal Cliff More Popular than Niagara Falls

Fiscal Cliff More Popular than Niagara Falls

It’s official. The Fiscal Cliff has overtaken Niagara Falls as America’s favorite tourist destination.

District of Columbia Mayor Vincent Gray was delighted to announce that his city is home to the newest Washington attraction.

“Given that we’ve got all those monuments and the Smithsonian,” said Gray. “It’s a thrill to see so many people lining up to look over the Fiscal Cliff.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Travel2 Comments

Large-eyed Child Gets Surgery

Large-eyed Child Gets Surgery

Eleven-year-old Olivia Miller of Gopher’s Gulch, Nebraska recently underwent delicate eye-reduction surgery in order to save her life.

“We are all so grateful,” said Olivia’s mother. “For years, her eyes were bigger than her stomach and she insisted on putting much more on her plate than she could possibly eat.”

Not only did Olivia take more food at each meal, she also ate most of the huge selected portions. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest2 Comments

Christmas Moved to February

Christmas Moved to February

After years of complaining by stressed out shoppers and overworked retailers, the Catholic Church has finally moved the year’s most important holiday. From now on, Christmas will be celebrated in early February.

Despite the doctrine of papal infallibility, the Church of Rome has accepted that Pope Gregory XIII blew it back in 1582 when he decreed his new calendar. Christmas and New Year’s should never have been jammed together at the end of the year. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism1 Comment

Despite Defeat, Romney Vows to Keep Running

Despite Defeat, Romney Vows to Keep Running

Mitt Romney has reportedly been admitted to Massachusetts General Hospital with what is being described as a severe case of political addiction.

Sources close to the Republican presidential nominee say that his defeat in this year’s election revealed the previously unsuspected ailment. Doctor Phillip Morris of Mass General’s crack psychiatric unit assessed Mr. Romney and made the initial diagnosis. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Tea Party Member Breaks Ranks and Votes for Self-interest

Tea Party Member Breaks Ranks and Votes for Self-interest

In a surprising move, Tea Party member Wright Wing admitted that he decided to break ranks and vote for Barack Obama for president.

“Believe me, I had no intention of voting for Obama,” said Mr. Wing. “But when I sat down and actually read the campaign literature from both sides, I realized that voting Democratic was in my best interests.”

Like most Tea Partiers, Wing had previously relied on his gut instinct and advice from supposedly reliable sources like Rush Limbaugh and the Koch Brothers. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics3 Comments

Romney Denies He’s a Crybaby

Romney Denies He’s a Crybaby

Defeated Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney denies he is a crybaby.

“Yes, I lost the election,” said Romney. “But there are reasons why I lost, many of them relating to the gifts Obama gave to blacks, Hispanics and young people to win their votes. But I’m no crybaby.”

President Obama offered to meet with his defeated rival to discuss some of Romney’s ideas to help the country. However, Mr. Romney has refused that offer. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics4 Comments

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