Posted in Politics

Feudalism Reinstituted in Suckersland Where One Man Owns Everything

Dateline: Richardsville, Suckersland—Economic inequality in Suckersland has reached its ultimate end point: a single man in that nation owns absolutely everything and all of the other inhabitants are broke or in debt. Lord Richard, the man who literally has everything,…

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Posted in Politics

Thomas Jefferson, James Madison’s Nasty Hobby of Making Monsters

Our Historic Leaders, Madison and Jefferson, Also had A Hobby Making Frankensteins. There are unknown, dark portions of our history that our leaders would just as soon hope we didn’t learn. There are secrets about those who are at the…

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Posted in Technology Television

Prepare the Anti-Matter Beam

Those words are not coming from a Star Trek script, or a Sci-Fi movie, they are actually being given by the scientists of ASACUSA , a multi-disciplinary collaboration between CERN and Japan’s RIKEN research center. ASACUSA team leader, Yasunori Yamazaki…

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Posted in Opinion/Editorial Society

A parent’s survival guide for when college kids come home for the holidays

Recently both of our daughters came home for the holiday break. Their return brought us a new set of parenting concerns. When kids go off to college, they suddenly consider themselves adults. They feel the old kids’ rules from their…

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Posted in Human Interest

Major Paint Company Admits ‘Faux Touches’ Ploy to Sell Paint

Today, a major paint company admitted to tricking its customers into buying paint they didn’t need by introducing new painting techniques to ‘jazz up’ their living spaces, and then forcing them to buy more paint to cover up the hideous…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip Entertainment

Luke Wilson Gives Dismembering Performance

Los Angeles, California – It is no secret that Luke Wilson’s once brilliant movie career has been in a steady decline since starring in the delightful comedy, Old School, alongside Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn in 2003. “Pills, hookers and…

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Posted in Top Stories

NASA: Aliens Dropped ‘Jelly Donut” Rock In Front of Mars Rover

NASA scientists have discarded all previous theories as to how a mysterious ‘jelly donut’ rock appeared beside the Mars Rover Opportunity and now say it must have been dropped there by aliens. “We have ruled out every other explanation”, said…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Jerry Springer’s Soul Begs for Release

It has been over 20 years since Jerry Springer’s soul got her first taste of trash TV. She has finally had enough, saying that she’s so over sitting idly by while her host whores himself out on national television. Finally…

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Posted in Sports Events

What Would Have Happened Had The Packers Played The Seahawks For The Super Bowl

Far beyond the reaches of normal men’s consciousnesses there exists a part of the etheric worlds where what could have been still can be. All events as remembered by the minds of men are not held fast in memories lock,…

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Posted in Human Interest

Really Good Hoagie Makes Man Briefly Forget His Inevitable Death

GARY, IN—While eating at his neighborhood Quizno’s Wednesday, local man Gene Lisowski spoke with reporters about the fact that he completely forgot the inescapable reality of his own death while eating a turkey club hoagie. Lisowski described the sandwich that…

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Posted in Opinion/Editorial Society

Common Courtesy Rules for the 21st Century

Let’s face it. We’re all busy. Life now is much harder than it was back in the days before cell phones, the internet and Roomba vacuum cleaning robots. There’s barely enough time in the day to update our Facebook status,…

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Posted in Health Human Interest

Seeking Alternatives to Lethal Injection, States Consider Guillotine, Bear Mauling

Assville, Missouri — On the heels of an execution gone disturbingly wrong in Ohio, states are pondering more modern ways to execute death row inmates. McGuire was convicted of brutally raping and murdering a pregnant newlywed. The Ohio execution of…

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Posted in Politics Strange People

Ghost of Reagan Appears; Apologizes for Trickle Down Economics

It is said that Ronald Reagan haunts the White House, and a visitor to the stately home has come forward to bring a message from Reagan beyond the grave. “He says he’s sorry for advocating trickle-down economics, and if he…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Internets Tubes

The Best GlossyNews Stories of December, 2013

We put out $275 in cash prizes for top authors last month, and while nobody beat the top archive stories, we still handed out an additional three cash prizes. We set out three prizes. One for the top-read article, one…

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