Posted in News In Your Briefs

Duck Dynasty Being Sold Down the River by Ming Dynasty

Hey, Duck Dynasty. China called. They want you to pick up the boatload of crap souvenirs you ordered last month. Duck Dynasty paraphernalia isn’t flying off Walmart shelves anymore, which means that the warehouse that had once housed only (made…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Duck Dynasty Being Sold Down the River by Ming Dynasty
Posted in War Zone World News

Taliban Successfully Destroys Afghan Society- Reverts To Cannibalism

The Taliban has successfully destroyed every business and killed every non-conforming citizen and foreigner in Afghanistan. Left without an effective economy and without anyone who understands any technology beyond that of making heroin the entire land has fallen into a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Taliban Successfully Destroys Afghan Society- Reverts To Cannibalism
Posted in Human Interest Strange People

Young Woman Miraculously Ignores her Beauty to Study Philosophy

Dateline: PITTSBURGH — Lisa Prettysweet, an achingly beautiful 26-year old, stunned her family and friends by showing the slightest interest in philosophy. Predictably, her reading of philosophy has made her more skeptical, pessimistic, and cynical and her parents are convinced…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Young Woman Miraculously Ignores her Beauty to Study Philosophy
Posted in Crooked Cops Top Stories

Fullerton Pacifist Joins NRA – Buys Uzi

Fullerton, Orange County, CA – Fullerton resident and lifelong pacifist Dylan Donovan today announced that he has finally caved in to environmental pressures by joining the NRA and buying an Uzi sub-machine gun. Speaking from his home in downtown Fullerton,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Fullerton Pacifist Joins NRA – Buys Uzi
Posted in Health Video News

Video: Melamine? Clay? Undercover Hot Dog Factory Exposé Sheds New Light

GLOSSYNEWS.COM – In our first-ever video report, we go behind the scenes at America’s 7th or 8th largest hot dog factory. We see what really goes into one of America’s most infamous foods. What ingredients really go in a tasty…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Video: Melamine? Clay? Undercover Hot Dog Factory Exposé Sheds New Light
Posted in Entertainment Talky Pictures

“The Legend of Hercules” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick

The New York Times reports that it unintentionally ran a movie review of “The Legend of Hercules” written by a guy who never even saw the flick. The Lionsgate film which reportedly cost $70 million dollars to make brought in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “The Legend of Hercules” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick
Posted in Sports Events Sportsfolk

49ers PR Office Readies for Mass Suicide Sunday Night

The San Francisco 49ers had a terrible 12-4 season, but this Sunday they face the Seattle Seahawks with a stunning 13-3 regular season record. Facing certain defeat, 49ers fans are widely expected to commit mass, ritual suicide. The Seahawks have…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 49ers PR Office Readies for Mass Suicide Sunday Night
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Politics

Harvey Weinstein to Open Fire on NRA in Upcoming Movie

Filmmaker, Harvey Weinstein announced Wednesday that he is taking on the NRA with a zeal not seen since Michael Moore’s documentary, Bowling for Columbine. Weinstein told Howard Stern that his movie won’t be a documentary, which will give him license…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Harvey Weinstein to Open Fire on NRA in Upcoming Movie
Posted in Kidz Zone Television

Fourteen-Year-Old Florida Boy Expelled for being Named Joffrey

Fourteen year old Joffrey Stevens of Astapor High School was instantly expelled today once it became clear that he shared his name with the infamous Game of Thrones king, and all round hated guy, Joffrey Baratheon. Young Joffrey Stevens had…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Fourteen-Year-Old Florida Boy Expelled for being Named Joffrey
Posted in Politics

Spousal Rape: An Old Wife’s Tale

Old wives from around the globe are chiming in on VA State Senator Richard “Dick” Black’s assessment on rape in the marital bedroom. Black claims that spousal rape is not a punishable crime due to the fact that the couple…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Spousal Rape: An Old Wife’s Tale
Posted in Television

“The Mouse” Extracts His Revenge

The Mouse has had enough. Within his realm, The Mouse would be written THE MOUSE, but here on this satire site we are safe from his surveillance and what could be misconstrued as a sign of disrespect. At least for…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “The Mouse” Extracts His Revenge
Posted in Serious Commentary Top Stories

New Pot Laws May Save/Destroy Education System in America

After seeing how much money Colorado made in just the first week of implementing its law allowing the use of recreational marijuana, New Hampshire is hurrying through legislation of its own with a vote scheduled today. With a hefty 25%…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New Pot Laws May Save/Destroy Education System in America
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Health

Fashion Industry Schemes to Punish Men by Turning Women into Freaks

Dateline: LOS ANGELES — More and more consumers are aware that magazines hire Photoshop artists to doctor pictures of celebrities, as part of an elaborate ritual designed to appease the celebrities’ agents and to flatter the egocentric actresses so they’ll…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Fashion Industry Schemes to Punish Men by Turning Women into Freaks
Posted in Entertainment Gadgets & Gizmos

Video Game Makers Reach Around to Senior Citizens

As the video game industry continues to mature, game makers are scrambling to create the next generation of games designed specifically for a maturing demographics. You can give the older gamers a fancier avatar, but it’s a lot harder to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Video Game Makers Reach Around to Senior Citizens
Posted in Politics

Fifteen Things That Turned Obama’s Hair Grey

There are many factors within the fray, that have turned our Presidents hair to grey. Pundits, done-thats and patriots galore seek to sabotage him evermore… These are the things that have turned our fearless leader’s head from black to grey…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Fifteen Things That Turned Obama’s Hair Grey
Posted in Science & Technologizzy Travel

New Dogfish Head Brew a Blatz from the Past

Delaware based brewery Dogfish Head has released the newest in its Ancient Ale Series to mixed reviews. Dogfish Head first re-created Midas Touch from residue found on 2700 year old pottery fragments discovered in a tomb in Turkey. And after…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New Dogfish Head Brew a Blatz from the Past
Posted in Politics

New Jersey Replaces Groundhog Day with Chris Christie Day

Trenton, New Jersey – Acknowledging the demand of its residents, New Jersey will become the first state to replace the once popular, February 2nd holiday, Groundhog Day, with what will now be known as Chris Christie Day, in honor of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New Jersey Replaces Groundhog Day with Chris Christie Day
Posted in Sports Scandals

Dennis Rodman Found Drunk Face Down in Pyongyang Alley

PYONGYANG, N. KOREA – Dennis Rodman is alive and, at present, sober after being found face down in a small mud puddle in an alleyway adjacent to the Pyongyang stadium where he sang “Happy Birthday” to N. Korean leader Kim…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Dennis Rodman Found Drunk Face Down in Pyongyang Alley
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Entertainment

Miley Cyrus to Undergo Sex Change Operation

Twerking, gyrating, Wrecking Ball queen Mile Cyrus announced today that she is secretly a man and will be undergoing a sex-change operation at the end of July. “I have never felt comfortable as a woman”, Cyrus told reporters. “Guys just…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Miley Cyrus to Undergo Sex Change Operation
Posted in Environment

Freedom Industries Explores Its Freedom to Pollute W. Virginia Waterways

Freedom Industries, the more-important-than-humans industry conveniently located next to the major river supplying water to nine counties of a rural portion of West Virginia, has contaminated the drinking, bathing, teeth brushing, clothes washing water of thousands of people with a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Freedom Industries Explores Its Freedom to Pollute W. Virginia Waterways
Posted in Biz News

New Marijuana Laws Spur Highest Home Prices in Years

New numbers have come out in the housing sector, indicating that in the next year, the states of Washington and Colorado will have the highest number of home sales in the country. Some other states are not too far behind….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New Marijuana Laws Spur Highest Home Prices in Years
Posted in Making Headlines

Crippling Self-Doubt Prevents Man From Failing at Lifelong Dream

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Crippling Self-Doubt Prevents Man From Failing at Lifelong Dream
Posted in Health Religionism

Weed-Smoking Potlandians Debate Whether to Legalize Nicotine, Alcohol

Dateline: CANNABISTOWN, PO—In Potlandia, marijuana is legal for recreational purposes and is commonly smoked by nearly all of the adult citizens of that country, now a days, an environmentally safe extraction process is being done when consuming this product, while…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Weed-Smoking Potlandians Debate Whether to Legalize Nicotine, Alcohol
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Education

Professor Astounds Crowd with Staggering Ignorance of Pop Culture

SAINT PAUL, MN—Speaking before a mesmerized audience at Hamline University Thursday, Professor Malcolm Forsythe floored the crowd with his complete and utter lack of knowledge regarding even the vaguest details of anything going on in recent pop culture. Stunned students…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Professor Astounds Crowd with Staggering Ignorance of Pop Culture
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Entertainment

Elle Magazine’s February Cover to Feature X-Ray of Mindy Kaling’s Skeleton

NEW YORK — Elle Magazine recently unveiled its February cover, which features an X-ray photograph of Mindy Kaling’s skeleton. According to professional photography critic Gilroy Franscesco, “This cover is so magnificent and tastefully done that words simply cannot describe. That’s…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Elle Magazine’s February Cover to Feature X-Ray of Mindy Kaling’s Skeleton
Posted in Making Headlines

It’s Official: NJ Governor Chris Christie is a Big, Fat Liar

WTF?! Click now to find out more! It’s Official: NJ Governor Chris Christie is a Big, Fat Liar
Posted in Entertainment Religionism Television Top Stories

Appearances by the Spanish Inquisition Becoming Predictable

Melville, Montana – Just last Tuesday, Todd Johansen, loan manager of the local Bank of America, came home to find his wife, Karen, sitting deliberately at the kitchen table. “He’d called my cell during lunch and said it would be…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Appearances by the Spanish Inquisition Becoming Predictable
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Adam Lambert Likes the Feel of Dead Animal Around His Neck

Adam Lambert, runner-up on Season 8 of American Idol fame, was spotted throughout the streets of New York the past few days sporting a very warm and cozy looking coat with what appeared to be one or possibly more large…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Adam Lambert Likes the Feel of Dead Animal Around His Neck
Posted in Internets Tubes

GlossyNews January, 2014 Contest Announced

Winners from December will be announced this evening, with a story detailing the victors within the next week. The January, 2014 contest is more of the same from last month, almost exactly. $150 if your January story is the top…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! GlossyNews January, 2014 Contest Announced
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Health

Just Why, Exactly, Did This Woman Feel the Need For Artificial Insemination?

Yes, this is a picture of the Octomom, aka Nadya Suleman, she of the “cheaper by the dozen” fame, having given birth to the near world’s record of eight live and surviving births all at once. As you can see…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Just Why, Exactly, Did This Woman Feel the Need For Artificial Insemination?