Posted in Kidz Zone Politics

Crayola Announces New “John Boehner Orange” Crayon Color

Pumpkin Place, Ohio (GlossyNews) —The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle. The iconic Crayola crayon company announced it will introduce a new crayon color, “John Boehner Orange,” based on what it calls the “distinctive, even unique, hues and shades”…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Society

Woman Sues Gigolo for Nonperformance

Vail, Col – GlossyNews.com – Bernice J. Sommerstein has sued ski instructor and self-proclaimed gigolo, Brad Chadley, for failing to perform according to an oral agreement entered into following Sommerstein’s ski lesson on February 3, asking $250 in monetary damages…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in World News

London Rioters Disrupt Tea at the Ritz

Attendees at London’s plush Ritz Tearooms anticipating a quiet sojourn from the hustle and bustle of the city in order to discuss the cricket and deerstalking in the Highlands of Scotland almost choked on their crumpets as the Ritz was…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Human Interest

Losers Claim Win-Win Just a Ploy

Losers around the world are waking up today to the sad realization that regardless of what they’ve been told in school and the workplace, the win-win scenario just doesn’t exist. “It’s a ploy,” said Winton Gardensalad from Montauk, NY. “I…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in World News

UK Austerity Hits Royal Wedding Plans in the Face

Great Britain was left devastated today by the news that the government’s planned public spending review would be extended to include the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton next month. Until now the British public had born the news…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Entertainment

Elizabeth Taylor: “Heaven Too Awkward”, After Running Into 5 Ex-Husbands

Modern day journalistic prophets have announced Elizabeth Taylor was in heaven for no more than five minutes before the first complaints rolled in this morning. Taylor, famous for her feisty temper, charitable nature and a career spanning five decades with…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Top Stories War Zone

Subsidi-Farm Ramps up Medical Marijuana Production to Fund Libyan War

Cultivation of the US Government’s own strain of cannabis known as mellow-yellow by a government-sanctioned agricultural group known as Subsidi-Farm is being ramped up in order to help raise money for the latest war in Libya. The coffers are running…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in News In Your Briefs

French Push For No-fly Zone; Are First To Airstrike Gaddhafi

Aren’t these the same French who everyone has been saying are military cowards? Aren’t they the same ones who went into Rwanda and put an end to the genocide there?

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Sports The Rest

The Official Guide To Almost Injury-Free Snowboarding

Despite the fact that you hate the cold, hate putting on piles of clothing and hate rocketing yourself off a mountain at the speed of sound because it could possibly kill you, you still have to look cool for your…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos Religionism

Communicate with Ghosts? There’s an App for That

Raleigh NC – GlossyNews.com – For unemployed twentysomething Reginald J Wainsborough the good news was that when his Uncle Harley died a month ago he left Reginald a diamond brooch worth $1 million. The bad news was that Uncle Harley’s…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Biz News

Labor Unrest Hits Candy Tycoon in the Sweet Spot

Shares of Wonka Foods International, the silent parent company of both Hershey and Nestle, opened sharply lower today as disturbing news reached Wall Street. It appears anti-collective bargaining legislation recently introduced in Wisconsin has spawned a backlash that now threatens…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Environment Science

Dung Becomes Newest Clean Energy

Fibrominn, LLC in Benson, Minnesota has the distinction of being the first U.S. power plant fired by turkey droppings in an effort wean the U.S. from fossil fuel to fecal fuel. And the turkeys couldn’t be happier. The plant burns…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Putin Declares That West Is Making A Crusade In Libya

And this is coming from the man who crusaded Russia right back to the Czarist times.

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in News In Your Briefs

America Once Said We’d Teach The Arabs About Democracy

….now it looks as though the ones in North Africa could teach us a lot about it.

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Human Interest

Student Exposes WW2 Vet as Faker

What began as a school project has brought scandal to a formerly beloved citizen of this quiet Ohio town. Mayfield High School students in Ms. Lander’s AP History class were assigned to interview local war veterans. Young Hillary Pierce chose…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Entertainment

Michaele Salahi Snorts Smack n’ Crack to Get Back on Celebrity Rehab

Michaele Salahi was recently kicked off the reality show Celebrity Rehab due to the fact that she couldn’t produce a discernable addiction. Now, her husband Tareq has threatened to sue if they don’t take her back. The Salahis claim that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Biz News Books, Newspapers & Misc

AT&T / T-Mobile Merger Already Faces Grassroots Opposition

With the recent announcement that despised telecom giant AT&T would be purchasing T-Mobile for $39 billion came the launch of a grassroots opposition movement dead-set against the transaction. If you have an opinion about the merger, this may be of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Health Science

Painting of Big Mac Found in Neanderthal Cave

Saint Sozy, France – GlossyNews.com French paleontologists have discovered a Neanderthal cave painting said to represent hands eagerly reaching for a Big Mac, or at least proto-Big Mac, according to the journal, Ancient Discoveries. According to Jean-Claude Bouisquet, curator of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Health

Gynecologist Can’t Believe His Luck with The Ladies

Local doctor Rory Allen, who recently completed his residency and entered private practice as a gynecologist, declared today that he can’t get over his recent good run with the opposite sex. Bespectacled Allen, 27, who admits that he’d always been…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in War Zone World News

Al Qaeda Confirms Bin Laden Dead; Organizational Changes

CAIRO — Al Qaeda issued this statement to Internet militant websites: “We regret to announce that our Premier Leader, Usama bin Laden was killed Monday in plain sight at his home in the city of Abbottabad, Pakistan.

WTF?! Click now to find out more!