Month: March 2011
Crayola Announces New “John Boehner Orange” Crayon Color
Pumpkin Place, Ohio (GlossyNews) —The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle. The iconic Crayola crayon company announced it will introduce a new crayon color, “John Boehner Orange,” based on what it calls the “distinctive, even unique, hues and shades”…
Woman Sues Gigolo for Nonperformance
Vail, Col – GlossyNews.com – Bernice J. Sommerstein has sued ski instructor and self-proclaimed gigolo, Brad Chadley, for failing to perform according to an oral agreement entered into following Sommerstein’s ski lesson on February 3, asking $250 in monetary damages…
London Rioters Disrupt Tea at the Ritz
Attendees at London’s plush Ritz Tearooms anticipating a quiet sojourn from the hustle and bustle of the city in order to discuss the cricket and deerstalking in the Highlands of Scotland almost choked on their crumpets as the Ritz was…
Losers Claim Win-Win Just a Ploy
Losers around the world are waking up today to the sad realization that regardless of what they’ve been told in school and the workplace, the win-win scenario just doesn’t exist. “It’s a ploy,” said Winton Gardensalad from Montauk, NY. “I…
UK Austerity Hits Royal Wedding Plans in the Face
You might think the perfect proposal needs to involve a huge romantic gesture in a public place, but that’s just not true. Here’s what you need to consider, and how to plan the perfect marriage proposal for the love of…
Elizabeth Taylor: “Heaven Too Awkward”, After Running Into 5 Ex-Husbands
Modern day journalistic prophets have announced Elizabeth Taylor was in heaven for no more than five minutes before the first complaints rolled in this morning. Taylor, famous for her feisty temper, charitable nature and a career spanning five decades with…
Subsidi-Farm Ramps up Medical Marijuana Production to Fund Libyan War
Cultivation of the US Government’s own strain of cannabis known as mellow-yellow by a government-sanctioned agricultural group known as Subsidi-Farm is being ramped up in order to help raise money for the latest war in Libya. The coffers are running…
French Push For No-fly Zone; Are First To Airstrike Gaddhafi
Aren’t these the same French who everyone has been saying are military cowards? Aren’t they the same ones who went into Rwanda and put an end to the genocide there?
The Official Guide To Almost Injury-Free Snowboarding
Despite the fact that you hate the cold, hate putting on piles of clothing and hate rocketing yourself off a mountain at the speed of sound because it could possibly kill you, you still have to look cool for your…
Communicate with Ghosts? There’s an App for That
Raleigh NC – GlossyNews.com – For unemployed twentysomething Reginald J Wainsborough the good news was that when his Uncle Harley died a month ago he left Reginald a diamond brooch worth $1 million. The bad news was that Uncle Harley’s…