Modern day journalistic prophets have announced Elizabeth Taylor was in heaven for no more than five minutes before the first complaints rolled in this morning.
Taylor, famous for her feisty temper, charitable nature and a career spanning five decades with a total of eight marriages, claimed “heaven wasn’t meant to be this freaky. If God was the real deal he’d have sent some of these cheating jerks to meet Satan.”
“Satan? I’ve already met Satan,” laughed first husband, American socialite Conrad Hilton. “Did you see how much this bitch got out of me?!”
Taylor, who remained close lifelong friends of Hollywood elites and an assortment of other wierdos such as Michael Jackson, claimed “I do not wish to discuss matters of the heart or wallet right now. This surely cannot be heaven! I hate the color white. Get rid of it. Arghhh!”
Third husband Mike Todd chimed into the conversation. “You know, before my fatal plane crash she told me I was her only true love…” “She told you that as well?” cried a shocked Richard Burton. Elizabeth Taylor is survived by her eighth ex-husband, Larry Fortensky.