Posted in Biz News Politics

New Obama Program Pays You to Burn Down Your House

Asheville, North Carolina (GlossyNews) — The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In his latest bid to pump up the economy before the 2012 election, President Obama introduced a new program, “Bucks for Burn Downs,” that will pay financially…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New Obama Program Pays You to Burn Down Your House
Posted in Politics Top Stories

McCain To Run For President in 2044

Burning Candles, Arizona (GlossyNews) — The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Former GOP presidential candidate John McCain will launch another bid for the White House in 2044, and is “firmly committed to running a vigorous, full-steam ahead” campaign….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! McCain To Run For President in 2044
Posted in Kidz Zone Politics

Crayola Announces New “John Boehner Orange” Crayon Color

Pumpkin Place, Ohio (GlossyNews) —The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle. The iconic Crayola crayon company announced it will introduce a new crayon color, “John Boehner Orange,” based on what it calls the “distinctive, even unique, hues and shades”…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Crayola Announces New “John Boehner Orange” Crayon Color
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Hillary Clinton’s Gum Chewing Sparks International Crisis

Wrigley Fjord, East Sweden (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Though she is officially America’s top diplomat, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton committed a grievous etiquette faux pas today by chewing gum in the presence of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Hillary Clinton’s Gum Chewing Sparks International Crisis
Posted in Biz News Politics

GOP Announces “No Millionaire Left Behind” Tax Reform

PARK PLACE HOTEL, NY (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In the latest Congressional wrangling over tax policy, Republicans proposed sweeping new reforms, dubbed “No Millionaire Left Behind,” that would permanently slash taxes for the wealthiest…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! GOP Announces “No Millionaire Left Behind” Tax Reform
Posted in Biz News Politics

Labor Dept’s Latest Report Shows Stimulus Created a Job

Hope Springs, Maryland (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In a triumphant moment for President Obama, the Labor Department’s newest monthly report showed that despite lingering high unemployment, the President’s stimulus program almost certainly created a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Labor Dept’s Latest Report Shows Stimulus Created a Job
Posted in Politics

GOP Pledges Rich Can Get Richer, Sick Can Die Broke

Wornolde Points, Ohio (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. News organizations around the world are analyzing the political, economic and policy implications of the recently released GOP “Pledge to America.” But the story doesn’t end there….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! GOP Pledges Rich Can Get Richer, Sick Can Die Broke
Posted in Politics Society

Tea Party Slams “Elitist” D.C. Table Manners

Twin Dorks, NV (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle. In a blistering attack on the “political elitism that is destroying America” Nevada Senate candidate and Tea Party favorite Sharron Angle slammed the “fancy table manners in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Tea Party Slams “Elitist” D.C. Table Manners
Posted in Politics

Obama Will Leave Obama Administration Next Year

PINES RETREAT, Illinois(GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle. In the latest high profile defection from the Obama administration, President Obama announced he will leave the administration early next year to return to community organizing and perhaps…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama Will Leave Obama Administration Next Year
Posted in Health Politics

Obama’s Corndog Fiasco Equals Woe for Midwest Democrats

Hogs Butte, IA (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. In a giant miscue that could cost Democrats even more Congressional seats this November, President Obama revealed he is “no big fan” of corn dogs, a favored…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama’s Corndog Fiasco Equals Woe for Midwest Democrats
Posted in Health Politics

Pelosi Debunks “Free Healthcare for Pets” by Affirming It

Botox Village, CA (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Speaking to a group of her firmest supporters, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi vowed Democrats will introduce sweeping legislation guaranteeing free health care for all pets. While this…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Pelosi Debunks “Free Healthcare for Pets” by Affirming It
Posted in News In Your Briefs

McMahon Wants to Wrestle for Senate Seat

Half Nelson Bay, CT (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Republican Linda McMahon challenged Democrat Richard Blumenthal to wrestle her for the Connecticut Senate seat rather than wait for the outcome of the November election. McMahon,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! McMahon Wants to Wrestle for Senate Seat
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Palin Declares War on China

Bouffant Falls, AR (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle. (Glossy News) – Presumed 2012 GOP presidential primary entrant Sarah Palin declared war on China today, though she admitted she wasn’t certain “it can be allowed” from…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Palin Declares War on China
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Boehner Promises Nothing From GOP

Orange, OH (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with norbert b. snortwhistle. House leader John Boehner vowed that if the GOP captures control of Congress this November, it will do “absolutely nothing for as long as necessary.” Speaking to an…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Boehner Promises Nothing From GOP
Posted in Health Society

Insurance Companies Market ‘Do-It-Yourself’ Medical Options

WASHINGTON, DC (GlossyNews) — In a move sure to restart the nation’s divisive healthcare debate, major insurance companies announced new healthcare plans featuring controversial “self-serve” medical options designed to reduce costs. “Our new self-serve options for childbirth, surgery and annual…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Insurance Companies Market ‘Do-It-Yourself’ Medical Options
Posted in Environment Science

Coast Guard Fights Huge Leak in SeaWorld Whale

ORLANDO, Florida (GlossyNews) — Wearied by weeks of fighting the horrendous Gulf oil spill, the U.S. Coast Guard mobilized today to battle a large leak from a giant whale in a SeaWorld theme park. “This is massive,” said Coast Guard…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Coast Guard Fights Huge Leak in SeaWorld Whale
Posted in Crime

Tax Refunds Revealed as Giant Ponzi Scheme

Washington, DC (GlossyNews) — Investigators have uncovered a multi-trillion dollar financial fraud so massive and widespread it has victimized nearly every household in America for decades. According to investigators the so-called “Tax Refund Pyramid” employs many of the same techniques…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Tax Refunds Revealed as Giant Ponzi Scheme
Posted in Politics

Obama Appoints TV Show ‘Doctor’ as Vice President

Washington, DC (GlossyNews) — In a bold bid to rally voter support for healthcare reform and boost Democrats’ election prospects, President Obama announced today the resignation of Vice President Joe Biden and appointment of television actor Patrick Dempsey to replace…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama Appoints TV Show ‘Doctor’ as Vice President
Posted in Biz News

Recall Vehicles Fun to Drive, Say Toyota Ads

Toyota USA – Irvine, CA (GlossyNews) —  In response to ever-expanding recalls, carmaker Toyota will revamp its marketing and advertising programs to emphasize the “fun and excitement” of sudden acceleration, SUV rollovers and other unique attributes its vehicles have become…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Recall Vehicles Fun to Drive, Say Toyota Ads
Posted in Biz News

Passengers To Clean Airline Cabins, Toilets

Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) — Complex merger talks now underway between United Airlines, Continental Airlines and US Airways include a landmark cost-cutting measure that will require passengers to clean the aircraft cabin and lavatories before leaving the plane. “These discussions are…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Passengers To Clean Airline Cabins, Toilets
Posted in Politics

Obama to Nominate Oprah to Supreme Court

Washington DC (GlossyNews) — In a surprise move President Obama is set to nominate media mogul Oprah Winfrey to fill the Supreme Court vacancy created by retiring Justice John Paul Stevens. According to sources Winfrey will continue starring in her…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama to Nominate Oprah to Supreme Court