Posted in Environment Opinion/Editorial

Global Warming is a Scientific Fact… Like We Care

It is now an established scientific fact that global warming is taking place around the world. You can see it everywhere. Glacier National Park is melting. Huge slabs of ice in the Polar Regions are dropping into the sea like…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Global Warming is a Scientific Fact… Like We Care
Posted in Television Travel

Oceanic Airline to Charge for Existential Angst

Los Angeles – GlossyNews.com – Oceanic Airlines has announced plans to institute a surcharge ranging from $5.00 to $57.50 for passengers transporting books which exhibit existential angst, says company spokesperson Macine Galvertson. “In the future a hefty surcharge will be…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Oceanic Airline to Charge for Existential Angst
Posted in Human Interest Music

Study: Listening to ABBA May Raise Infants’ IQ’s, Curiosity

A new study by the Millennial Institute of Advanced Research on 2150 newborn babies in Minnesota has found a significant increase in IQ scores of babies forced to listen to old ABBA songs at least two hours a day. “This…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Study: Listening to ABBA May Raise Infants’ IQ’s, Curiosity
Posted in Opinion/Editorial Politics

Sarah Palin Perfectly (Pant-)Suited for Supreme Court

News-Ruse hereby endorses former Alaska governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin to fill the next vacancy on the U.S. Supreme Court. We at News-Ruse know that Palin is not a lawyer but the Supreme Court already has lawyers. Look at…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sarah Palin Perfectly (Pant-)Suited for Supreme Court
Posted in Crime Travel

Narco-Terrorism Tour for Fearless Gringos Announced

Nuevo Laredo, Mexico – GlossyNews.com – The Nuevo Laredo Tourist Department (NLTD) has announced its newest tourist attraction, the Narco-Terrorism Tour for Gringos, which is to be launched August 10 from Nuevo Laredo, Mexico. “This exciting adventure will appeal to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Narco-Terrorism Tour for Fearless Gringos Announced
Posted in Biz News Religionism

Baptist Minister Performs Exorcism on Stock Market

New York, NY – GlossyNews.com – “DEMONS OF VOLATILITY, COME OUT!” So declaimed the Rev. Buster Shillerberg yesterday afternoon on the steps of the New York Stock Exchange. The diminutive Reverend Shillerberg spoke in loud oracular tones that rolled like…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Baptist Minister Performs Exorcism on Stock Market
Posted in Human Interest Television

Elderly Pensioner OD’s on LOST DVD Box Set

Akron, Ohio – GlossyNews.com – Ralph McFarden spent thirty years in the Sacramento sewer system. The waste engineer reportedly had a long and satisfying career with the Akron Waste Management Department before finally retiring to his modest home overlooking the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Elderly Pensioner OD’s on LOST DVD Box Set
Posted in Science

Ancient Greek High School Unearthed

Athens, Greece – GlossyNews.com – Archaeologists digging in the Greek Peloponnese in the region of ancient Sparta have reported the amazing discovery of a virtually intact Spartan high school once attended by at least 100 students. The Spartans were the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Ancient Greek High School Unearthed
Posted in Travel

Airports to Employ Eunuchs for Enhanced-Invasive Screening

New York – GlossyNews.com – According to informed sources the government has come up with an imaginative solution to the problem of invasive image scanning at airports. Many travelers, especially women, have complained about the fact that the new scanning…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Airports to Employ Eunuchs for Enhanced-Invasive Screening
Posted in Environment Science

Scientists Discover Rare Pygmy Bigfoots

Vancouver, BC – GlossyNews.com – In what may finally put to rest the perennial “Does Bigfoot exist?” controversy, a team of Canadian scientists from Saskatchewan State College announced Tuesday that it has discovered a race of pygmy Bigfoots living deep…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Scientists Discover Rare Pygmy Bigfoots
Posted in Health

Plastic Surgeon Fixes Wrong Nose

Tulsa, OK – GlossyNews.com – In one of the more bizarre cases of alleged medical malpractice in recent years, plastic surgeon Rolando Alverez performed a complete surgical rhinoplasty (nose job) on the wrong patient at St.Sebastian’s Hospital in Tulsa OK…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Plastic Surgeon Fixes Wrong Nose
Posted in Human Interest

75-Year Reunion Attracts Living Dead

Collegetown, Penn – GlossyNews.com – Penn State’s 75-year college reunion was disrupted Tuesday by the arrival of a horde of living dead from nearby Collegetown Cemetery. Based on cemetery dental records, all of the living dead who showed up at…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 75-Year Reunion Attracts Living Dead
Posted in Society

Early Risers Threaten World Domination

Cambridge, Mass – GlossyNews.com – As if there weren’t enough catastrophes hanging over the world already, Harverford University’s World Crisis Laboratory has identified a brand new threat to planet earth, namely, early risers. What are early risers? They’re those zombie-like…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Early Risers Threaten World Domination
Posted in Biz News Politics

Federal Workforce May Have Topped 3-Million, or Maybe Not

Washington DC – GlossyNews.com – According to the most recent government data available, Uncle Sam’s civilian workforce may have topped 3 million as of March 1, 2010, says spokeswoman Audrey Slaberman. “This is a truly remarkable achievement,” says Slaberman, “that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Federal Workforce May Have Topped 3-Million, or Maybe Not
Posted in Health Human Interest

Biggie Burger Introduces the “Suicide Burger”

Parkersburg WV – GlossyNews.com – Biggie Burger Inc. of Parkersburg WV, famous for its patented 1200-calorie Gargantuan Burger, today introduced its even more massive artery-destroying Suicide Burger. Reportedly the new menu item will be so huge customers will be provided…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Biggie Burger Introduces the “Suicide Burger”
Posted in Science Strange People

Aliens Abduct Rhode Island, Connecticut Unaware

Woonsocket, RI – GlossyNews.com – In one of the most bizarre UFO events yet recorded, aliens reportedly abducted the entire State of Rhode Island. It happened at 3:15 AM May 10. The entire episode was documented by Barney J. Brothers…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Aliens Abduct Rhode Island, Connecticut Unaware
Posted in War Zone

Russian Spy Ring Busted-Up in Nudist Camp

Venice, Fla – GlossyNews.com – Where the Sun Don’t Shine Nudist Camp in Venice, Fla was the scene of a recent major FBI raid as agents, posing as nudist camp members, sprang a trap on a dozen alleged Russian spies…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Russian Spy Ring Busted-Up in Nudist Camp
Posted in Crime

Mafia Gangster Admits to Sex Change, Not for Disguise

New York. – GlossyNews.com – Vinnie Gelano (“Big Jelly”) always knew he was really a girl. “Even when I was collecting from deadbeats out on the street, breaking bones, whatever, I always knew I had this soft spot inside, a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Mafia Gangster Admits to Sex Change, Not for Disguise
Posted in Politics

House Passes Historic “Earmarks Only” Bill

Washington, DC – GlossyNews.com – The U.S. House of Representatives today passed the bipartisan $500 million No Districts Left Behind Bill by a vote of 399 to 36. An historical departure from the governing body’s usual practice of adding pork…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! House Passes Historic “Earmarks Only” Bill
Posted in Society

Woman Sues Gigolo for Nonperformance

Vail, Col – GlossyNews.com – Bernice J. Sommerstein has sued ski instructor and self-proclaimed gigolo, Brad Chadley, for failing to perform according to an oral agreement entered into following Sommerstein’s ski lesson on February 3, asking $250 in monetary damages…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Woman Sues Gigolo for Nonperformance
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos Religionism

Communicate with Ghosts? There’s an App for That

Raleigh NC – GlossyNews.com – For unemployed twentysomething Reginald J Wainsborough the good news was that when his Uncle Harley died a month ago he left Reginald a diamond brooch worth $1 million. The bad news was that Uncle Harley’s…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Communicate with Ghosts? There’s an App for That
Posted in Health Science

Painting of Big Mac Found in Neanderthal Cave

Saint Sozy, France – GlossyNews.com French paleontologists have discovered a Neanderthal cave painting said to represent hands eagerly reaching for a Big Mac, or at least proto-Big Mac, according to the journal, Ancient Discoveries. According to Jean-Claude Bouisquet, curator of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Painting of Big Mac Found in Neanderthal Cave
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Television

Charlie Sheen Ring Tone Downloaded 3-Million Times

LOS ANGELES, CALIF – Charlie Sheen paraphernalia has exploded onto the American public since the actor’s Two and a Half Men firing and interview antics, featuring such memorable quotes as “I have tiger’s blood,” and “I’m an F-18, bro!” Now…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Charlie Sheen Ring Tone Downloaded 3-Million Times
Posted in Science

Komodo Dragon Genome Escapes from Computer Lab

Austin, Tex. — An entire Komodo Dragon genome has reportedly got loose from a MySQL database at Infinite Loop Biological Research Co. in Austin, Tex. and is already starting to breed and reproduce itself in computers and computer networks worldwide….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Komodo Dragon Genome Escapes from Computer Lab