Pumpkin Place, Ohio (GlossyNews) —The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle.
The iconic Crayola crayon company announced it will introduce a new crayon color, “John Boehner Orange,” based on what it calls the “distinctive, even unique, hues and shades” of the House Speaker’s perpetual tan.
Sources say the new Boehner-inspired color is a carefully crafted mixture of Crayola’s classic Burnt Orange and its newer Neon Carrot and Mango Tango hues.
“This new crayon will be ideal for coloring certain exotic bird feathers as well as some of Nancy Pelosi’s pant suits,” said a Crayloa spokesperson.
On hearing the news, Boehner wept uncontrollably. “My whole life …” he sobbed. “And now … The American Dream … orange … crayons.”
The White House downplayed the impact of the new Boehner crayon, while Washington insiders called it a “crushing blow” to Democratic House leader Pelosi, who for years has lobbied Crayola to market a full box of crayons based on the colors in her pant suit wardrobe.
“Like many Americans, the President enjoys drawing with crayons from time to time,” said Press Secretary Jay Carney. “The President is more than willing to reach across the aisle for ‘John Boehner Orange,’ when appropriate.”
“Don’t count on seeing the Minority Leader wear any of her orange pant suits anytime soon,” huffed a senior Pelosi aide. “But she will continue to fight for what she believes in, including a full box collection of Nancy Pelosi Pant Suit Crayons.”