Dems Respond to Vampire Corruption Charges
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — It began with whispers and raised eyebrows, then quickly became a prairie fire. So far only the venerable Helen Thomas, speaking at D.C.’s popular Make It Look Like a Business Expense Bistro, has found courage to…
Strike By Angels Shuts Down Heaven
Heaven (GlossyNews) — A major uproar has occurred in the normally peaceful and idyllic universal subdivision of Heaven, home to famous celebrities such as Jehovah, Odin, Osiris, Allah, Zeus, Ahura Mazda, God and their flunkies Buddha, Zarathustra, Moses, Mithra and,…
Iced Tea Spiked with LSD Found at Tea Party Rally
Searchlight, NV – A group of hippies, outraged that the Tea Party Movement is advertising their Saturday protest rally in Sen. Harry Reid’s hometown of Searchlight, Nevada as a conservative Woodstock, decided to teach Palin and her cronies a lesson…
Obama Discovers Cancer Cure: Republicans Outraged
WASHINGTON, DC (GlossyNews) — In a surprise press conference this morning, Barack Obama announced to the American public that he has discovered the cure for cancer. “Several well-known medical researchers and I have finally found a way to put an…
Craigslist Ad Looking for Master Catapult Builder
As recently seen on Austin Craigslist: EXPERIENCED CATAPULT BUILDER (N. AUSTIN) Date: 2010-03-26, 9:33PM CDT Reply to: job-phthuttt-1639419@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Group of Investors looking for experienced carpenter to build over-sized catapult sturdy enough to fling Rush Limbaugh…
Foursquare Survivor Badge Accidentally Awarded to Hundreds of ‘Unworthies’
AUSTIN, TX (GlossyNews) — Around 12:40 p.m. EST on March 22, the coveted Foursquare Survivor badge was awarded to hundreds of people simultaneously. Event organizers attributed the mass distribution to a glitch. Traditionally, the Foursquare staff have been very secretive…
James Randi Announces He’s Gay — Proving Psychics Don’t Exist
FORT LAUDERDALE, FL (GlossyNews) — James Randi, the renown 81-year-old skeptic, has escaped from the closet after keeping his sexuality a secret for more than 70 years. Randi, formerly known as The Amazing Randi, began his career in Canada as…
Glenn Beck to Develop Children’s Show on Fox
NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — In an effort to reel in kiddies as early as they are able to watch television, the Fox Channel has begun the process of developing a Saturday morning kids’ show featuring Glenn Beck, invoking a…
Fox Analyst Reverses Opinion About Recession After Losing Job
NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — A former Fox News economic analyst, who only last year said the worst part of the recession was over, is coming under fire from liberals for now claiming the economy is worse than ever. When…
March Madness: Entire Basketball Team Really Goes Mad
Indianapolis, IN (GlossyNews) — Stunned NCAA officials are scrambling this afternoon as they attempt to deal with 16 stark raving mad college basketball players running amok across downtown Indianapolis.