Posted in Celebrity Gossip Religionism

Pope Allegedly Uses Lord’s Name in Vain

VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — Media outlets are buzzing as sources inside the Vatican are beginning to approach the press with scandalous information about Pope Benedict XVI. Apparently several papal aides, who wish to remain anonymous, claim that the Vicar of…

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Posted in Politics

Obama Discovers Cancer Cure: Republicans Outraged

WASHINGTON, DC (GlossyNews) — In a surprise press conference this morning, Barack Obama announced to the American public that he has discovered the cure for cancer. “Several well-known medical researchers and I have finally found a way to put an…

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Posted in Biz News

“My Little Pony” Chewy Fruit Snacks Found to Contain Horse Meat

MINNEAPOLIS, MN (GlossyNews) – Shock and horror were rampant in the children’s snack market this morning as the word spread that the popular “My Little Pony” fruit snacks contained elements of actual pony. The discovery was apparently made during an…

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Posted in Top Stories

Recession Forces Upper Class to Flirt with Mediocrity

NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — The recent economic downturn has delivered ubiquitous plight across America, but no other group has been as dramatically affected as the upper class. This was readily apparent by watching patrons exit one of New York’s…

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos

Apple Releases “Is It Raining?” App

CUPERTINO, CA (GlossyNews) — Steve Jobs, co-founder and CEO of Apple Inc., proudly took the podium yesterday at the company’s headquarters for a surprise product announcement. “The wait is over;” proclaimed Jobs, “I proudly give you the ‘Is It Raining?’…

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Posted in Television

Michael Jackson’s Remains to Appear on “Dancing with the Stars”

HOLLYWOOD, CA (GlossyNews) — During a midday press conference, ABC announced a late addition to this season’s “Dancing with the Stars” celebrity lineup. “It’s a fine day for American Broadcasting,” Media Director Phil Lehman announced. “I’m pleased to tell you…

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Posted in Music

Man Ejected from Christian Rock Concert for Gesturing “Devil Horns”

OSHKOSH, WI (GlossyNews) — A local 18-year-old, Mark Edwards, was ejected from the Life Fest Christian Rock Festival this past weekend for displaying a rude gesture during one of the band’s performances. “I was watching Crossroads, and man, they we’re…

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Posted in Kidz Zone

Teen’s Math Jokes Fail to Score

APPLETON, WI (GlossyKidsNews) – Despite attempts of wooing potential dates with dazzling wit and humor, Appleton East High School sophomore and champion “mathlete” Jon Henderson, appears to be striking out at love. “Girls should be throwing themselves at me after…

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