Indianapolis, IN (GlossyNews) — Stunned NCAA officials are scrambling this afternoon as they attempt to deal with 16 stark raving mad college basketball players running amok across downtown Indianapolis.
“Apparently, this particular group of young men took the term ‘March Madness’ literally,” said a distraught NCAA spokesman, as one of the lunatic players pirouetted behind him singing I Feel Pretty while making farting sounds with his armpit.
“We’re trying to procure mass quantities of medication to deal with this issue and, to that end, have contacted several Hollywood celebrities for leads on where we can find prescription meds quickly and quietly.”
Currently, none of those leads have panned out, and the NCAA spokesman admitted that “we might simply have to wait until April first for this whole thing to blow over.”