Memory Foam Mattress Recounts Continued Abuse
A memory foam mattress from Florida has made its first appearance in court today in a case detailing years of continued abuse by married couple Mr and Mrs Winemuff. Looking nervous the memory foam mattress took the stand and began…
Dread Addiction of Freeitis Strikes Web Users Worldwide
The advent and incredible popularity of the Internet has resulted in an outbreak of the strange psychological malady known as ‘Freeitis’. Freeitis is a recent mental disease in which a person, growing used to getting everything for free on the…
Pop-up Ads Ruin Life in The Matrix
The appearance of pop-up ads in everyday reality has prompted leading scientists to speculate that what we perceive as “real life” is nothing more than a virtual reality simulation. “And that’s not the bad news,” stated Dr. Zachary Smith, lead…
God Quietly Blessing Other Nations
HEAVEN – According to celestial insiders and various mythical figures, His Lordship and Creator of All Things, Almighty God has been quietly blessing nations other than the United States of America. Even though much of His time – which is…
Lloyd Blankfein Will NOT Be Romney’s Secretary of the Treasury
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has disclosed to an anonymous source that he probably will not appoint Lloyd Blankfein to the office of Secretary of the Treasury. Blankfein is CEO of Goldman Sachs, one of the nation’s most distinguished financial enterprises….
Weather (man) Beaten
A weatherman has been beaten and is recovering in hospital after an attack outside news offices. The attack happened at about 8pm local time when a middle-aged woman ran up to local weatherman Ryan Storm and shouted “sunshine” while throwing…
Millions of Children Suddenly Disappear and Reappear While Getting Dressed
Parents are still coping with the devastation left by this morning’s widespread disappearance of children across the US. Panic swept the nation as millions of households counted the youngest members of their families among those missing. “He was there one…
Tea Party’s Bold Plans to Eliminate the Debt Completely by December 17th
Last summer, after a long and contentious fight between Democrats and Tea Party Republicans, our federal government narrowly avoided its first-ever credit default. People all over the world waited anxiously to find out whether our elected officials were going to…
Flex Seal Product Allows Poland to Realize Dream of Screen-Door Submarine
Gdynia – A simple household product has the potential to destabilize the balance of naval power in the Baltic Sea. Two Cold War era Polish submarines, both of which had sunk immediately after their initial launch, were recently raised from…
Justin Bieber Seeks Counseling after Suffering from ‘Normal Thoughts’
LONDON, ONTARIO–In a highly publicized press conference yesterday, Scooter Braun, manager of Canadian teen-pop idol Justin Bieber, revealed that the young star is seeking professional help for what he describes as “recurring, and almost debilitating, normal thoughts”. “Justin has had…