The appearance of pop-up ads in everyday reality has prompted leading scientists to speculate that what we perceive as “real life” is nothing more than a virtual reality simulation.
“And that’s not the bad news,” stated Dr. Zachary Smith, lead researcher at the Morpheus Institute of Computer Studies.
“The sharp increase in pop-up ads appearing at inopportune times has among other things, led to a rash of traffic accidents from obstructed fields of view. And it shows no sign of leveling off. In fact, it is increasing since this is an agonizingly long political year. At this rate life in this computer construct will absolutely SUCK in no time. Just today we’ve already had hundreds of people splattered with feces from political ads.”
Not everybody is taking the new revelations negatively. Many employers reported higher than average absenteeism after the news broke.
Tony Stark, regional manager of Con-Electric remarked, “We’ve had difficulty keeping the power grid going due to 70% of our operators declining to come to work now that they realize the world isn’t even real. We’ve had about….(goddammit get that Viagra ad out of my face)….a dozen blackouts in the Midwest due to failure to properly route….(geez, Louise, no, I do not NEED a bigger penis!)…. power supplies,” he said before being crushed by a massive Nigerian scam pop-up.
Several AWOL workers were interviewed in Central Park, playing frisbee. “This is so cool. If nothing is real, then nothing matters. Takes a load off of my mind, “said Buck Itall.
When asked how he intended to pay rent and eat if he didn’t have a paycheck, Buck replied, “Well…uh…if nothing is real…then how can you starve to death, right?” Optimistic but flawed logic is expected to take a huge toll over the coming weeks since virtual reality appears to have the same laws of physics as the real world. This is being proven out by steadily increasing numbers of gravity-related deaths and vehicular mayhem.
As the new reality sets in there have also been a rash of gun related deaths as people, under the mistaken notion that they can dodge bullets, continue to shoot each other. Ted Logan, theology student at Notre Dame, pleaded with a group of high school students to exercise caution after coming upon them exchanging shots. Logan was shot and killed after warning the group, “Whoa, dudes, like, you’re not Neo, OK?”
As the number of pop-up ads continues to escalate even mundane activities have been slowed to a snail’s pace. “It takes five minutes to get to the damned bathroom going through one ad after another,” said one disgruntled office worker oddly still on the job. “These things are freaking dangerous. I’m constantly bashing my head on the low hanging ones. One of my co-workers was found in his office this morning crushed to death under about two-dozen porn site pop-ups. And that’s a pretty nasty way to go.”