Posted in Science

NASA Continues Search for Planets Where Government More Favorable to Funding Space Exploration

A panel of experts unveiled seven earth-sized planets only 235,145,014,927,344 miles from Earth (where we live), three of which may posses the proper conditions for Pokemon. This is only the latest milestone in an ongoing search to identify alien governments…

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Posted in Politics War Zone

U.S. Department Stores Renew War on Christmas

If you haven’t entered a department store since early October, local man Skip Peters thinks you may be in for a shock. “Not one employee will wish you a merry Christmas,” he claims. According to Peters, stores across the country…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Kidz Zone

Children’s Alphabet Book Author Struggles to Find Animal Starting with Elemeno

C is for cat and E is for elephant. Every young child in the English-speaking world knows these two basic facts, thanks to the rhymes and illustrations of children’s alphabet books. However, it turns out, according to author Alfred Labette,…

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Posted in Sports Scandals

Witnesses Spot Roger Goodell Fleeing Stadium With #12 Jersey

When the confetti finally settled in Houston’s NRG Stadium Sunday night, Patriots quarterback and Super Bowl LI MVP noted something was amiss. It seemed in the excitement, an unknown perpetrator made off with a sweat stained, body odor drenched, torn…

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Posted in Sports Events Sports Scandals

Tom Brady’s Cheekbones Now Undeniably the Greatest in NFL History

In a stunning comeback that saw records set for the most Super Bowl wins by a quarterback, most passing yards in a Super Bowl, most times as Super Bowl MVP, most catches from a single receiver in the Super Bowl,…

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Posted in Politics Top Stories

Hot Off the Press: Donald Trump Sex Scandal (& First Executive Order)

Immediately following his inauguration, President Donald J. Trump issued his first executive order; demanding records from AT&T, Comcast and other Internet Service Providers for anyone who has ever googled naked pictures of Melania Trump.

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Posted in Human Interest Kidz Zone

Millions of Children Suddenly Disappear and Reappear While Getting Dressed

Parents are still coping with the devastation left by this morning’s widespread disappearance of children across the US. Panic swept the nation as millions of households counted the youngest members of their families among those missing. “He was there one…

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