Posted in Politics Talky Pictures

Eric Holder Grabs Justice by the Balls

In theaters now! If you liked Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn’s performance in the original 2004 sports comedy, then you are going to love Iron E-Media’s latest release: “DOJBall” (starring Attorney General Eric Holder). With such memorable lines as, “No…

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Posted in Kidz Zone Society

Deaf 3 Year Old Arrested for Sneaking Finger-Guns into School

Hunter Spanjer, who also goes by Little John Wayne or the Tiny Terminator depending on the social situation, was arrested last week for bringing firearms onto school property. Though, to be clear, it wasn’t an “arm”, it was his fingers…

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Posted in Politics Sports Scandals

DOJ Investigates DOJ, DOJ Clears DOJ in DOJ Review

After information has come to light regarding Chief Justice Eric Holder’s seizure of months of AP phone records and targeting of journalists such as James Rosen and David Sanger, Mr. Holder must now answer…to himself. Upon reading about the entire…

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Posted in Environment Society

“Rainbow” Comes Out as Heterosexual

In what is being hailed as the most highly viewed TV moment of all time, the Rainbow came out of the cosmic closet yesterday and announced on the Ellen Show that she is, in fact, a heterosexual. For much of…

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Posted in Politics

Republicans Force Illegal Immigrants out of the Country–305 Million to Leave Immediately

WASHINGTON D.C.–In a historic, and extremely surprising, turn of events for the land of the free and home of the brave, almost 90% of its diverse population has now found itself without a country or a home. Yesterday, on Capitol…

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Posted in Politics

Ringmaster Carney Helps Obama Turn Scandals into Circus Spectacular

In a colorful press conference held at the White House a few days ago, press secretary/circus master Jay Carney lived up to his last name as scandals piled up like elephants in a circus ring or clowns in a clown…

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Posted in Religionism Strange People

Pat Robertson’s Releases Greatest Hits Tape–In Category All by Itself

In his own inimitable way, televangelist and former political aspirant, Pat Robertson, announced the release of his highly anticipated “Greatest Hits” VHS tape on his show The 700 Club yesterday. Five minutes later, it had already gone gold. “It’s unbelievable,…

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Posted in Human Interest

Cute Cat Videography Now College Major, Viable Career Path

Forbes new power list of top college majors for 2013 features a new, though unsurprising, field of study: Taking videos and pictures of the cutest cats you can find and then posting them online in excess. This new category of…

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Posted in Human Interest

A Realists Guide to Goals and, Whatever

1. Set goals. This is probably the most important part in achieving them. 2. If you suck at something, give up. I know people say, “If at first you don’t succeed…” yada yada, but come on, do you want to…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip Entertainment

Human Really Impressing Other Humans Right Now

We’ve lived on this planet for thirty-five years now, and though we have easily adopted their mannerisms, assumed their practices, and assimilated their languages, we think it’s safe to say there are some things that we will never understand –…

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Posted in Internets Tubes

Study: 98% of Internet Users Admit their ROFL is Just LOL

A new study was released last week detailing various online practices of users across our interconnected globe. Needless to say, some appalling facts have come to light. Apparently, the vast majority of web surfers suffer from something called lying. Basically,…

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Posted in Religionism Society

Research Shows Many, in Fact, Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

It is a misnomer, one that has apparently seeped into the culture’s subconscious, that only one person flew over the cuckoo’s nest. This myth, perpetuated by the 70’s movie classic of the same name, has become so ingrained into our…

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Posted in War Zone World News

Satire Takes Day Off, North Korea Newsfeed Fills in Nicely

In light of recent events in Boston and West, TX, Satire has decided to take a break. Luckily, there are people in this world that can step in at a moment’s notice and fill her shoes quite nicely. The North…

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Posted in Science

Evolutionary Scientists Injured in Freak Arboricultural Accident

A group of evolutionary naturalists, anthropologists, and biologists were injured yesterday in what police are officially calling “an unfortunate and unnecessary accident”. According to eyewitnesses, hundreds of members of the Royal Society went on their daily tree-trimming expedition and somehow,…

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Posted in Society Strange People

Family Unsure If Passive Aggressive Man Likes Being Called Pam

His hair is as blue as the state in which he grew up and, by all accounts, as equally impressive. Jim Ballsinger–brother, son, lover, web forum coordinator–recently returned from his daily therapy session in seemingly high spirits. “Oh, that’s right,…

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Posted in Internets Tubes Society

Math Nerd Sets “Less Than” Symbol as Facebook Profile at Most Inopportune Time

Polly Gonn, MIT class of 2012, recently updated her Facebook profile picture to one of her favorite mathematics symbols: less than. In doing so, she unwittingly unleashed a firestorm of heated comments, opinions, and questions the likes of which has…

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Posted in Sports

Miami Heat Win Streak Ends–PBS Renews Telethon to Raise Awareness for Regular Season

Without realizing it, for the past month or so, the world was interested in the NBA’s regular season games. And all of the credit goes to one team: The Miami Heat. In case you just came out of a coma,…

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Posted in Science

Hawking Enlists David Copperfield to Demonstrate “Spontaneous Creation”

Hawking: Spontaneous Creation is the Reason Something is Here Rather than Nothing. World-renowned physicist Stephen Hawking, best known for his accessible books on the fundamental questions we all face, recently published his latest findings on a cosmological concept he calls…

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Posted in Environment

Melting Glaciers Making “Really Nice” Ice Cubes for Inuits

GREENLAND–Last year, a melting glacier known as the Petermann glacier calved off a sizable chunk of ice approximately twice the size of Manhattan. And the Inuit couldn’t be happier. Apparently, the Greenlandic natives have been benefiting from global warming trends…

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Posted in Science

Science on God: Inference to Any Other Explanation the Best

Men like Stephen Hawking have helped introduce us to Science all over again and men like Richard Dawkins have helped us learn to appreciate its grandness and wonder anew. They’ve taught us to embrace skepticism in our pursuit of truth…

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