American Expatriates At a Loss What to Threaten To Do If Romney Is Elected
PRAGUE – As the 2012 U.S. presidential election approaches, the possibility of a win by Republican Mitt Romney is a cause for fear and concern among many liberal Americans across the country. Among those most worried, however, are U.S. citizens…
Six Significant Sporting Bans for Lance Armstrong
Now that Lance Armstrong has been officially banned from “Sport” for life by the USADA, Glossynews with the help of WikiLeaks has uncovered associated bans in the fine print. While Armstrong still maintains the USADA power to enforce the ban…
In 4yrs, Biden Successfully Increased GDP (Gaffe Domestic Product) by 80%
The White House released its figures for economic and social growth over the last four years and are very excited about sharing one particular statistic that stood out above the rest. Apparently, during his first term as Vice President, Joe…
Paul Ryan “Takes It” Twisted, Sister
Paul Ryan was forced to “take it” following rebuff by Twisted Sister lead man Dee Snider over the choice of “We’re Not Gonna Take It” as the Republican VP-designee’s intro song. Snider denounced use of the 1984 hit at a…
150,000 Feared Dead Following Typical Day
EARTH – An estimated 150,000 people are presumed to have died yesterday in the wake of what experts described as “a fairly typical day” on the planet. If confirmed, the expected number of fatalities during the latest in a string…
NASA Launches Mission to Find Intelligent Life on Earth
Cape Canaveral, Fla.- After the recent success and attention garnered from the mars rover, Curiosity, NASA launched a probe to Earth with the intent to discover if intelligent life does exist, or has ever existed on the planet. Many controversial…
Curiosity Killed the Rover
GALE CRATER, MARS – The Curiosity Rover died yesterday while chasing an unidentified particle on Mars, the National Aeronautic and Space Agency reported at a press conference this morning. Physicists have not yet classified the particle that killed Curiosity, but…
Tea Party’s Bold Plans to Eliminate the Debt Completely by Dec. 17th – Conclusion
Previously, I shared with you some bold new initiatives planned by America’s leading Tea Party politicians to wipe out the entire US Debt before the end of the year. Think of it as a gigantic Christmas present to America from…
Things Kim Jong-Un Said on His Wedding Night
Kim Jong-Un was recently retro-actively married, and to a fine philly of a lady at that, assuming she’s not blood-related to him, which is a fairly big assumption indeed. The head of one of the most secretive states in the…
Pre-Movie Announcement Advises Moviegoers to Put Kids on Silent
CASTLETON – Prior to its 5:35 screening of Alvin and the Chipmunks, a cinema today advised patrons to make sure all babies were switched off and that any children between the ages of 4 and 11 remain on silent throughout…