Pioneering Restaurant “Leftovers” Offers Low Prices, Leftovers
A new restaurant chain called Leftovers recently opened in downtown San Jose, California. Imagine going to your favorite deli and getting a sandwich with a big bite mark it in; most customers would be confused or infuriated, but not at…
Sad, Non-Swing States Desperate for Campaign Funds
With an estimated $2billion in campaign cash being spent around the country, economies are suffering in non-swing states. Marketers from the nation’s bluest and reddest states are making fevered pitches with just weeks to go until election day, and some…
Hacker McKinnon Facing Extradition to Jabba the Hutt’s Planet
British computer hacker Gary McKinnon, whose extradition to the US was blocked on humanitarian grounds by UK Home Secretary Theresa May today, now faces a prospect nearly as terrifying: being sent for punishment on the alien planet of Tatooine. McKinnon…
Family Research Council: Maryland Lawyers, Prepare for Divorce Workload
In an email sent to several law firms in Maryland, the Family Research Council (FRC) advised that should the marriage equality referendum pass on November 6th, they will be overrun with requests for divorce from currently married men. This warning…
Newspapers Decline as Baked Beans Continue to Boom
New figures show the continuing decline of print newspaper circulation all over the world. Circulation is down a further 15% from last year’s figures, meaning that fewer people are buying a newspaper. Professor John McDonald, department head of the scientific…
Romney Handily Handled in Second Debate, Cries Foul
The second presidential debate is in the history books, and unlike the empty chair present at the RNC and the first debate, Obama came out swinging and made Governor Mitt Romney look like nothing but a third rate amateur… so…
Romney Threatens to Fire Crowley, Crowd, and China
VILLAGE OF HAMPSTEAD, NEW YORK- The second presidential debate was the scene of chaos as Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney threatened to fire the moderator, debate participants, and an entire nation on Tuesday night. Mitt Romney suffered a severe short…
God Puts Global Warming on Hold for A Few Days
INDIANAPOLIS – As temperatures dropped Tuesday to a low of 39° F across the Midwest, God announced that global warming will be put on hold for a few days, while he just tests out a few things. Eager to continue…
Ayn Rand Based Movie Atlas Shrugged: Part 2 – We All Shrugged
Today I spent my afternoon at the movies, if you can call them that. I had what can only be described as a hopefully forgetful afternoon viewing one of the most horrific movies that has come out this year, or…
Omphaloskepsistic Guitar Soloist’s Shameful Arrest
A man was arrested by police in the small hours of yesterday night after an angry woman made a call to the emergency services from a bar just outside the suburbs of New York. Police were called to the scene…