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Omphaloskepsistic Guitar Soloist’s Shameful Arrest

Omphaloskepsistic Guitar Soloist’s Shameful Arrest

A man was arrested by police in the small hours of yesterday night after an angry woman made a call to the emergency services from a bar just outside the suburbs of New York.

Police were called to the scene at about 2:30am where it is believed that a band known as The F Zappas were playing.

It is understood that police stormed the bar, hurried on stage and arrested the lead guitarist on suspicion of guitar wanking.

Eyewitnesses confirm that he had his guitar confiscated and was taken, without force, to the local station, where he spent the rest of the night.

Janet Lovebrook, the manager of Huston Bar and Grill, said: “He just went on and on, for hours. At one point the rest of the band had a break while the guitarist continued his solo. That kind of thing shouldn’t happen in public, it’s disgusting!”

She went on to say: “When I book the band they said they would play popular songs like Journey and Nickleback. Instead they just played obscure Frank Zappa covers that went on for hours.”

Another customer told us how people in the bar had either left or drank themselves in to a stupor in order to drown out the noise: “It was like the whole bar was spinning in a perpetual time loop of guitar slides. It was horrible, just horrible.”

Grace Thomas, who had stopped in at the bar with friends, said that she felt this type of music should be banned from public places:

“There wasn’t even a real melody, no one could dance to it. It was as if the lead guitarist was in a trace, you know like that ballet, The Red Shoes. It should be banned, for the guitarist’s sake.”

Guitarist psychologist, Jeff Pearson, said that there could often be a time in the life of a guitarist where they need to continuously show-off their skill over an extended period.

“It is a very vulnerable time. They could be kicked out of a band or lose friends because of their egotistical compulsion to play incoherent solo after incoherent solo.” Pearson said.

Police released a statement that said the unnamed man was released without charge and sore fingers.


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One Response to “Omphaloskepsistic Guitar Soloist’s Shameful Arrest”

  1. Sean says:

    But Satriani is so good!


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