Paul Ryan: ‘Must Not Look Weak, Must Not Look Weak’
KENTUCKY – Following his televised debate with Vice President Joe Biden Thursday, Mitt Romney’s running mate Paul Ryan insisted: “must not look weak, must not look weak, must not look weak.” Adopting a serious tone during post-debate festivities, the 42-year-old…
Researchers Find Link Between Childhood Obesity; Calories
Obesity researchers at John Hopkins University claim they have discovered a causal link between childhood obesity and the consumption of excess calories. “We won’t know for certain until all the data is in”, said lead researcher John Pell. “But our…
Ex-Nazi Guard on Trial for 29,999 Murders Expresses Regrets
Selvoka, Poland-(SatireWorld.com) Former Ukranian concentration camp guard John Demjicunk’s trial ended today with a guilty verdict for the murders committed when he served as a Nazi death camp guard in German occupied Russia during WWII. Earning the title ‘Ivan the…
Apple/Reddit Lawsuit: Biden Too Good for Kitty PrAwN$?
Apple today filed suit against the popular user community site Reddit over the use of a picture of Joe Biden during the vice-presidential debate. Apple believes that they were first to claim use of the image as the logo for…
Hover Cars Will Not Help Us
Scientists have warned that placing too many emphases on hover cars may confuse car owners. In an open letter to the car industry, a group of prestigious scientists from a variety of disciplines warn that if the car industry continues…
Obama Debate Prep To Include Joe Biden: Heckler
As President Obama prepares for Tuesday’s debate with failed former Gov. Mitt Romney, a new twist has been added to the normal procedure. Vice-president Joe Biden will fill-in as his opponent for the practice sessions, laughing and heckling incessantly. President…
Extreme Yoga Takes Downward Dog Turn
Health advisers are warning people of the dangers of the extreme yoga craze that is sweeping the nation. An extreme form of yoga has been developed among a group of hardcore practitioners, in the underground yoga dens of New York,…
Triple Negative Grocer Doesn’t Not Have No Bananas Today
Jerome Heywood, a green grocer working in Poughkeepiee, New York, has two conundra on his hands. First is the quantity of bananas he has available, but second and more importantly, is conveying this number to his befuddled customers. “It’s not…
Suicide Bomber Gets Inspiration From Honey Boo Boo
TAIZZ, YEMEN- A suicide bomber was inspired to carry out acts of in excusable violence after the TLC affiliate in Yemen carried an episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Il-Sha’if Musaad is a 27 year old engineering grad student…
Red Bull Skydiving Stunt Ends In Tragedy
Today over the desert of New Mexico, a stunt sponsored by the Red Bull energy drink company ended in tragedy. The attempt to set the highest skydive by a human went terribly wrong when skydiver Felix Baumgartner mistakenly launched his…