Mischief Night = Domestic Terrorism

Mischief Night = Domestic Terrorism

10 November 2009 01:08 - by Rusty

Dog feces-smearing, egg-throwing, gate-stealing, nailing cats to people’s front doors, or setting fire to wheelie bins and disabled pensioners. That can only mean one thing – it’s Manky Mischief Night again. While being an established and centuries-old tradition in northern England the festival of bedevilment is barely known elsewhere in the UK.

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Viagra Concession Ends Transit Strike

Viagra Concession Ends Transit Strike

10 November 2009 12:08 - by P. Beckert

Philadelphia, PA – Transit workers in Philadelphia, threatening to continue their strike for a raise in more than their salaries, have won a battle with the Southern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority to have most of their health care costs covered, including full-month prescriptions for Viagra and similar prescription medicines to treat erectile dysfunction (ED).

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Posted in Health2 Comments

Palin-out, The Quitter’s Tour

Palin-out, The Quitter’s Tour

09 November 2009 11:39 - by BobZaguy

Russian Porch, AK “Palin-out” —n., the act of leaving before 2009 is over. Todd Palin quit his job with BP’s North Slope oil operation at the beginning of October. News of this quitting comes two months after Sarah Palin’s announcement that she quit her state governor job on July 26. These news items followed the […]

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc4 Comments

Beefeaters Accused of Rampant Sexism

Beefeaters Accused of Rampant Sexism

09 November 2009 04:52 - by Rusty

Two Beefeaters at the Tower of London have been suspended from duty – by the thumbs – while a third is currently undergoing a course of extraordinary rendition in the Tower’s basement dungeons in connection with allegations of harassing their female vegetarian colleague.

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Kellogg’s New “Panacea Puffs” Claims to Cure All

Kellogg’s New “Panacea Puffs” Claims to Cure All

09 November 2009 01:05 - by Rusty

Weird and bizarre nutritional claims come and go – alongside the passage of a Millennium’s ages – and too with the flight of short fickle seasons. Raw mammoth meat provided our cave-dwelling ancestors with the virility and stamina to survive the last Ice Age.

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Posted in Health, Kidz Zone0 Comments

Chinese Politburo Hits New Highs of Paranoia

Chinese Politburo Hits New Highs of Paranoia

08 November 2009 01:57 - by Rusty

The day prior to the kick-off of September’s Melbourne International Film Festival its executive director Bluey McBruce received a most bellicose telephone call from a certain Mr Flip Flop Fong – the senior official at the Chinese consulate in the city. Fong, in no uncertain terms, ordered Mr. McBruce to withdraw a short, but concise, […]

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Ask Hank: Another Greek Tragedy

Ask Hank: Another Greek Tragedy

08 November 2009 06:04 - by Ask Hank

Hey Hank, Sometimes it feels like everything around me is going wrong, like my family hates me, like I’ll never get married, and like I’ll never have kids or become a real man. Can you suggest what drink would go best with my sorrow?

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Posted in Society1 Comment

Fort Hood Massacre Not Terrorism, “Simply a Case of Islamic Involuntary Assisted Suicide”

Fort Hood Massacre Not Terrorism, “Simply a Case of Islamic Involuntary Assisted Suicide”

08 November 2009 12:08 - by Fuzzy Duffy

This is a teachable moment in how we, as Americans, fail to understand differing cultures and values from around the world. As a Muslim, Major Hasan may have had a broader outlook on what actually constitutes assisted suicide, and we should respect that. Perhaps to Islamic sensibilities, assisted suicide in the medical profession has more of an 'involuntary' component than we have in the West.

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Posted in Top Stories1 Comment

Child Laborers Caught Sleeping on the Job

Child Laborers Caught Sleeping on the Job

07 November 2009 05:10 - by Brendan Alexander

We’ve been known to miss some time from time to time, but never as much as we have in the past six-months. Between the big trip to Puerto Rico, dealing with the Puerto Ricans and dealing with all the things related to being back home, we’ve been swamped with unwinding as much as winding in […]

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Posted in Biz News4 Comments

Shameless Saudis on the Green Energy Cadge Make Fools Beyond their Dress(es)

Shameless Saudis on the Green Energy Cadge Make Fools Beyond their Dress(es)

07 November 2009 09:45 - by Rusty

There was a veritable abundance of Third World countries present – and on their usual scrounging missions – at the recent U.N. climate talks in Bangkok. All present were attempting to convince anyone stupid enough to listen that they definitely qualified for massive financial assistance to adapt to the impacts of global warming and profit […]

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Posted in Biz News, Environment0 Comments

Man Dressed as Sheep Barbequed

Man Dressed as Sheep Barbequed

07 November 2009 09:45 - by Rusty

A tartan-clad football hooligan is due to appear in court today to face charges concerning an incident in which an Aberdeen Woolybacks team soccer fan wearing a ‘black sheep’ Halloween fancy dress costume suffered second degree burns after being set on fire. The 94-year-old Aberdeen side supporter, Duncan Lamb, originally of Shepherds Bush, suffered serious […]

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Posted in Sportsfolk3 Comments

Mattel Announces New Line of Black Barbie Dolls to be in Stores by Kwanza

Mattel Announces New Line of Black Barbie Dolls to be in Stores by Kwanza

06 November 2009 03:40 - by Iracundus Humanus

With the success of last years “Cougar Barbie” still fresh in their minds, Mattel will launch a full line of Black Barbie dolls in time for the Kwanza celebrations. The original proposal was for a single new doll shipped with a hair straightening kit for the kiddies to play with. After careful review by the […]

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Posted in Biz News1 Comment

Scumwood Barmaid Bankrupts Benefits Agency

Scumwood Barmaid Bankrupts Benefits Agency

06 November 2009 11:32 - by Rusty

A part-time barmaid and career welfare cheat was today convicted of multiple counts of benefit fraud. Bronmai Lawson was given a 12 month suspended prison sentence and ordered to perform 150 hours of unpaid Community Service duty as a ‘pavement licker’ around her Scumwood Housing Estate. The offender was further ordered to repay £24,000,000 fraudulently […]

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Posted in Crime, Strange People0 Comments

Celebrity Egocentric Obviously Jailed for Assault

Celebrity Egocentric Obviously Jailed for Assault

06 November 2009 03:19 - by Rusty

One of the UK’s legion of shit-for-brains overpaid Premier League footballers broke a woman’s nose with a single head butt after declaring, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m an effin’ millionaire”, a jury sitting at Smegmadale Assizes heard in evidence yesterday.

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Posted in Sports, Sports Scandals0 Comments

“Screw Everyone But Me” to Replace “In God We Trust” on Dollar Bill

“Screw Everyone But Me” to Replace “In God We Trust” on Dollar Bill

05 November 2009 09:20 - by Fuzzy Duffy

Washington, DC: Congressional leaders from both parties shared praise for each other today on the announcement of the official change of the national motto. “In God We Trust,” has been the official motto of the United States since the 1950’s, when the Eisenhower Administration codified the century old saying on our currency into law. The […]

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Posted in Biz News1 Comment

The Bank Raid that Rocked the Met’

The Bank Raid that Rocked the Met’

05 November 2009 08:19 - by Rusty

A horror story that has it’s Kafkaesque–Orwellian origins rooted in the date of 2nd June 2008, has now come – a year and a half later – a haunting full-circle from when more than 500 of the Met’s finest plods smashed their way into thousands of safety-deposit boxes to retrieve guns, gold, drugs and zillions […]

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Posted in Crime, Crooked Cops0 Comments

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