London City Targets ‘Lycra Lout’ Cyclists

London City Targets ‘Lycra Lout’ Cyclists

15 December 2009 01:22 - by Rusty

Rogue cyclists who flout the law while riding haphazardly along the gilded byways of London are to be re-classified as ‘domestic terrorists’ and fined by Westminster Council under plans to crackdown on called “Lycra louts” – with rumours abounding that the tussle-haired London Mayor tops the target list of ‘BMX Blackguards’. It has not yet […]

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

House GOP Deny Irrelevancy: “Bull Nipples Would be VERY Useful”

House GOP Deny Irrelevancy: “Bull Nipples Would be VERY Useful”

15 December 2009 09:05 - by Fuzzy Duffy

Washington, DC: Congressional Republicans reacted angrily today at accusations of abject incompetence and political irrelevance from both within and outside the party. Republican leaders denied their perceived lack of any direction for the country in terms of ideas or policies was actually their “greatest strength.”

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Woman Blames Glenn Beck Show for Aging Prematurely

Woman Blames Glenn Beck Show for Aging Prematurely

15 December 2009 05:33 - by P. Beckert

Shelley Saround began noticing her hair going gray about a year ago at the age of 23. In just a few short months, she went from having a head of luxurious dark brown hair to looking like Grandmama on the Addams Family. She went to the doctor when she started noticing that she was sprouting […]

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Posted in Health6 Comments

Osama’s Cave Getting Too Crowded

Osama’s Cave Getting Too Crowded

15 December 2009 05:12 - by rfreed

(Information received by word of mouth via the north Pakistan grapevine) Osama bin Laden’s cave has become crowded beyond capacity due to President Obama’s decision to send an additional 30,000 US troops to Afghanistan. Every Taliban member not busy committing suicide in a crowded place occupied by infidels is pushing to get into the cave […]

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Posted in War Zone0 Comments

Crematorium Imposes Fatties Ban

Crematorium Imposes Fatties Ban

14 December 2009 02:08 - by Rusty

The relatives of a 40-stone (254 kg) man from Scumerset informed a reporter for the Mass Graves Gazette that the undertaker had advised them the deceased’s body was too heavy for cremation. Frank McGrunt, a 95-year old former meat pie taster with Gluttons Gourmet Foods, was pronounced DOA at Scumborough General Hospital last Tuesday afternoon […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People0 Comments

Famously Tall Playground Delights Children, Actuarials

Famously Tall Playground Delights Children, Actuarials

14 December 2009 06:21 - by Brendan Alexander

In the heart of the coolest part of Missoula, Montana, and I assure you such a place can and does exist, is a playground park like no other I’ve ever seen. When I say it’s the tallest playground ever, I am so beside myself I can’t possibly be expected to back it up with facts […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Travel1 Comment

Fir Trees Being Kidnapped Mysteriously Around The World

Fir Trees Being Kidnapped Mysteriously Around The World

14 December 2009 04:12 - by rfreed

Thousands of fir trees have been mysteriously disappearing from forests around the Western world in the last few weeks. Forest rangers making their rounds have been shocked to find many conifers, mostly young ones between three and six feet tall, missing with only short stumps to mark where they had been. Experts have expressed fears […]

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Posted in Crime1 Comment

‘No Hoodies’ Policy vs ‘Old Time Religion’

‘No Hoodies’ Policy vs ‘Old Time Religion’

14 December 2009 04:08 - by Rusty

The draconian dipshit management of Monty Mamon’s Shopping Arcade at Skidrow-on-Sea have come under severe criticism due their inflexible ‘No Hoodies’ policy. The rigid enforcement of the regulation resulted in a detail of psychopathic Albanian immigrant Gestapo wannabes – on hire from the local Renta-Thug security agency – accosting a troupe of nuns belonging to […]

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

China’s Economic, High-Tech Transformation and its Bright (scary?) Future

14 December 2009 12:09 - by Charles L. Wang

From Chairman Mao’s era of Agricultural focused economy to Deng Xiaoping’s Opening up and Reform policies, inviting in foreign investments to build mainly a Light Industry focused economy in China, China has transformed a great deal in the last 3 decades to a relatively rich country. But in the 21st Century, a new chapter in […]

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Posted in Serious Commentary0 Comments

Dr. Phil Offers Free Psychological Counseling to Tiger Woods

Dr. Phil Offers Free Psychological Counseling to Tiger Woods

13 December 2009 08:05 - by P. Beckert

Dr. Phil McGraw, America’s favorite unlicensed psychologist and self-proclaimed therapist to the stars, has offered to provide Tiger Woods with free psychological counseling if it will help him “get real” again. In an interview between Dr. Phil and Tiger last week on the set of The View, Tiger agreed to be asked certain questions by […]

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment1 Comment

Ask Hank – Battle over Basement Bunker Becomes Brouhaha

Ask Hank – Battle over Basement Bunker Becomes Brouhaha

13 December 2009 06:46 - by Ask Hank

Dear Hank, I have a serious issue that needs addressed. I’m a conservative, belong to the NRA and have just finished my bunker cause we all know what’s coming in 2012. My damn wife wants to decorate the damn thing and take down all my desert storm pictures. We will be sharing the space with […]

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Posted in Society1 Comment

The Christmas Gift of Conservatism

The Christmas Gift of Conservatism

13 December 2009 06:02 - by BobZaguy

Once again our ConSox are bulging with these great, new (in most cases) gift ideas for those new people in your life who are discovering Conservatism and its joys. It’s never too soon to gift your son or daughter with a nice Conservative gift at Christmas. Eventually they will come to see the light and […]

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Posted in Biz News0 Comments

Congress Adds Goats to New Economic Stimulus Plan

Congress Adds Goats to New Economic Stimulus Plan

13 December 2009 01:11 - by Michael Wakcher

WASHINGTON – In a continuing effort to avoid recession, House leaders and the White House were pleased to announce plans for a new economic stimulus package that would include a goat, a sack of dry beans, and an acre of farmland. “People don’t need money, they need bread, or in this case, beans and a […]

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

Wounded British Soldiers Ward Off Prime Minister’s Visit

Wounded British Soldiers Ward Off Prime Minister’s Visit

12 December 2009 05:11 - by Rusty

The UK Office of the Prime Minister today announced and welcomed the Army’s 1,000th recruit of the year – sixteen-year-old Private Angus Munt from Glasgow’s Pikey Park Sink or Swim Council Estate. Conversely the winner of the ‘First Century’ Squaddies-in-Bodybags competition – with the death of the 100th British soldier to ‘cop his’ and get […]

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Posted in World News0 Comments

Ashley Madison Not One of Tiger Woods’ Mistresses

Ashley Madison Not One of Tiger Woods’ Mistresses

12 December 2009 02:09 - by P. Beckert

If Ashley Madison is not one of Tiger Woods’ many mistresses, then who is she and what does this have to do with Tiger Woods you ask? Plenty. If you didn’t know better, you’d think that Ashley Madison was just another interior design firm, or a designer of women’s high end house dresses, or even […]

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports Scandals0 Comments

Once You’ve Had Tiger, You Can’t Go Back

Once You’ve Had Tiger, You Can’t Go Back

12 December 2009 12:38 - by Sassy

I rushed into the conference room where my colleagues had gathered to discuss potential stories to publish in the next day’s newspaper. As the editor, Oscar sat at the head of the table, gulping down a cup of foul-smelling coffee, he leaned towards Mel, a senior reporter, flipping through a color-tabbed notebook. “What have you […]

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip1 Comment



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