Randy Jackson Packing Duct Tape for American Idol Shows

Randy Jackson Packing Duct Tape for American Idol Shows

17 January 2010 02:44 - by P. Beckert

Trouble on the American Idol set already? It’s rumored that Randy Jackson let slip a little secret. He had asked his lawyers to add rolls of duct tape to the usual list of things in his contract he’d need while sitting through some of the worst singing of his life. He also asked for specially […]

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Television3 Comments

Hoekstra Sets Preemptive 2010 Yemeni Strike

Hoekstra Sets Preemptive 2010 Yemeni Strike

16 January 2010 05:10 - by BobZaguy

Lansing, MI – Rep. Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.) publicly stated his plans for the Michigan National Guard if he wins election as Governor in 2010: “I’ll lead a preemptive strike to Yemen. I’ve been leading on national security for the last nine years in Congress. Trying to drive this administration in a policy direction that keeps […]

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Posted in War Zone1 Comment

U. Alabama Alums Seek Nickname Change from ‘Bama to ‘Bamma

U. Alabama Alums Seek Nickname Change from ‘Bama to ‘Bamma

16 January 2010 03:23 - by P. Beckert

A Petition has been circulating among Alumni of the University of Alabama to change the popular ‘Bama nickname to ‘Bamma due to conflicts that are arising from having a President named Obama. The reason for this requested change, as set forth in the petition, is that the name ‘Bama when mis-pronounced by most as Bah-mah, […]

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Posted in Sportsfolk3 Comments

Special Ring of Hell Created for CEOs

Special Ring of Hell Created for CEOs

15 January 2010 08:26 - by rfreed

God Almighty in close association with Satan has created a special hell for CEO’s and other business leaders who have helped to create the present world-wide financial meltdown (it seems Satan himself couldn’t stomach the gall of these money-engorged maggots and willingly agreed to work in conjunction with his nemesis). In one of the most […]

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Posted in Religionism1 Comment

SpaghettiOs® Creator,  Donald Goerke, Chokes to Death, Uh-Oh

SpaghettiOs® Creator, Donald Goerke, Chokes to Death, Uh-Oh

15 January 2010 05:00 - by Phil Maggitti

CAMDEN, N.J. – Donald Goerke, the man who put the “Oh” in SpaghettiOs®, choked to death Sunday night while eating his customary bedtime snack of SpaghettiOs® and chocolate milk. He was eighty-three. Mr. Goerke joined the Campbell organization in 1955 as a market analyst. The venerable soupmaking firm had been resting on its ladles since […]

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Chinese Call Americans Their “Dollar Store Bitches”

Chinese Call Americans Their “Dollar Store Bitches”

15 January 2010 03:14 - by P. Beckert

In a newly released book by Chinese-American Author, Pe Yuan Yu-Smith, titled “You Buy More Yankee, OK?” Americans are finally being made privy to some of the lesser known facts about the tenuous economic relationship between China and the United States. Although his title is considered a lighthearted attempt to poke fun at some of […]

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Posted in Biz News3 Comments

Van Morrison Files for Bankruptcy Despite Not Being an American

Van Morrison Files for Bankruptcy Despite Not Being an American

14 January 2010 07:29 - by Phil Maggitti

DUBLIN - Irish singer and curmudgeon Van Morrison has filed for bankruptcy in Irish Bankruptcy Court, according to a notice published on his official website today. The famously gruff singer-songwriter informed his fans that he has debts of 652 million € and assets of only 40 million € yet he stopped short of accepting responsibility for his financial meltdown.

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Posted in Music7 Comments

Dick Cheney Blasts Americans for Letting Terrorists Win

Dick Cheney Blasts Americans for Letting Terrorists Win

14 January 2010 01:15 - by Phil Maggitti

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Former Vice President Dick Cheney blamed Americans yesterday for “being in bed with” terrorists. “The people of this nation are as much to blame as their pusillanimous, light-skinned president for delivering the head of democracy to the terrorists on a silver platter,” said Mr. Cheney when he appeared before the steering committee […]

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Posted in Strange People, War Zone2 Comments

Simon Cowell to Leave American Idol for Walmart

Simon Cowell to Leave American Idol for Walmart

14 January 2010 05:05 - by bunglernews

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Wednesday afternoon, American Idol sensational judge Simon Cowell announced that concluding the up and coming season he would leave the popular show. The announcement didn’t come as much of a surprise to the entertainment industry or the American Public. “It was a long time coming. He was ruining his career anyways,” says […]

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Posted in Television0 Comments

The Real Reason Rush Limbaugh Was In The Hospital In Hawaii

The Real Reason Rush Limbaugh Was In The Hospital In Hawaii

14 January 2010 03:43 - by rfreed

A new insight into Rush Limbaugh’s mysterious recent hospitalization has come to light. Originally reported as being a possible heart attack, it now appears that Mr. Limbaugh actually got a pummeling. Just ‘happening’ to be in Hawaii at the same time as President Barack Obama, it turns out that Limbaugh was actually part of a […]

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Posted in Entertainment1 Comment

Gov Sanford Takes Leave After SC House Censure

Gov Sanford Takes Leave After SC House Censure

13 January 2010 05:25 - by Reverend Mike

Columbia, SC (GlossyNews) — Governor Mark Sanford was censured Wednesday for his inappropriate behavior and th disgrace, shame and dishonor he has brought to the Office of Governor of South Carolina during his sordid affair with an Argentine woman. Sanford lied to his staff and the public as to his whereabouts, left the state and […]

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

McGwire Admits to Using Prayer to Gain Competitive Edge

McGwire Admits to Using Prayer to Gain Competitive Edge

13 January 2010 07:09 - by Phil Maggitti

NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — During a fifty-minute interview with Bob Costas on the MLB Network yesterday, former St. Louis Cardinals slugger Mark McGwire confessed tearfully that he had turned to prayer in order to treat injuries that had kept him off the field repeatedly in the early 1990s.

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Posted in Sports Scandals0 Comments

Sarah Palin Becomes Climate Change Expert at Fox News

Sarah Palin Becomes Climate Change Expert at Fox News

13 January 2010 06:30 - by P. Beckert

BREAKING NEWS – Fox News has taken the plunge(errr) and has hired Sarah Palin as a contributor to take on some of the most controversial issues of our time, including climate change. Satirists and comedians were said to be partying into the wee hours of the night in anticipation of “the perfect storm,” i.e. Palin, […]

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Posted in Television1 Comment

Special Hell for CEOs Created

Special Hell for CEOs Created

13 January 2010 04:03 - by rfreed

God Almighty in close association with Satan has created a special hell for CEO’s and other business leaders who have helped to create the present worldwide financial meltdown (it seems Satan himself couldn’t stomach the gall of these money-engorged maggots and willingly agreed to work in conjunction with his nemesis). In one of the most […]

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Posted in Biz News0 Comments

Alert – Redneck Right Wingers Have Learned To Type And Have Infiltrated The Internet

Alert – Redneck Right Wingers Have Learned To Type And Have Infiltrated The Internet

11 January 2010 06:41 - by rfreed

ALERT! ALERT! Hard right rednecks have learned to use the Internet and even more horrifyingly the comments section of Glossy News. Someone has taught them to type and in some cases even to spell. They are swiftly learning to use it as an apt rapier in the never ending duel between Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons…, er, […]

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

Texas Makes Good On Promise To Secede From U.S. – Joins Mexico

Texas Makes Good On Promise To Secede From U.S. – Joins Mexico

11 January 2010 04:46 - by rfreed

The Alamo, El Paso, TX The state of Texas today seceded from the United States and joined with Mexico, a nation it had once fought for independence from at the Alamo. Governor Rick Perry, disgruntled with the economic politics of President Obama and dreaming of the wonderful economic policies employed by his predecessor Bush, a […]

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Posted in World News1 Comment



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