Categorized | Health, Human Interest

Cleveland Man Content with Penis Size

Cleveland Man Content with Penis Size

LAKEWOOD, OH—Jeffery Miller, a car mechanic based in the Cleveland area, is reportedly happy with the length, girth, and performance of his penis.

“Yeah, it’s pretty good, I guess,” says Miller, 36. “I’ve never had any problems with it, and my wife seems to like it all right.”

According to The Journal of Sexual Medicine, the average American penis stands 5.6 inches when erect. Miller claims his penis is “around 6 inches,” though other data suggests his trouser schnauzer is closer to 5.2 inches.

“I mean, I’ve definitely seen bigger,” says Susan Hanson, Miller’s longtime girlfriend. “But Jeff’s is . . . nice.”

Miller has refused to disclose whether his penis is circumcised, and will neither confirm nor deny a slight curve in either direction. Still, Miller insists he is “OK” with his Little Richard.

“Do I wish it were bigger?” asks Miller. “Yes. What guy doesn’t? But I have what I have. No more, no less.”

Miller’s boss, a mechanic named George McGregor, became hostile when asked about the size and performance of Miller’s penis. Not only did McGregor deny ever seeing or otherwise experiencing Miller’s thunder, the master mechanic firmly asked this reporter to leave the premises.

Members of Miller’s gym, family, bowling league, homeowners’ association, and church had similar reactions to hard questioning. However, one gym-goer said, “I don’t know, man. He always wears a swimsuit in the shower.”

“Frankly, I’m not sure why this is newsworthy,” says Miller. “Please stop following me and asking people about my penis.”

Such resistance to questioning arouses suspicion, among other things. Further reporting to come.

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 8 posts on GlossyNews.com.

T. J. Carter lives in Portland, OR, where he writes and edits blog content for small and medium-sized businesses. He enjoys watching endless nonsense on Netflix, losing arguments to his cat, and nothing else. You can see more of his work and listen to his podcast at inmediasrad.com

.

13 Responses to “Cleveland Man Content with Penis Size”

  1. deeptrout says:

    The lack of comments may indicate an arrow hitting too close to the bullseye.

    Not for me of course…

  2. deeptrout says:

    Next time substitute “breadstick” for penis.

  3. Rusty Shackleford says:

    If we later find out that he actually did get hit in his bullseye with an arrow, you’re gonna feel terrible for saying that.

    P.S. Funny article T.J.

  4. deeptrout says:

    I wasn’t referring to TJ…

  5. Rusty Shackleford says:

    I never said it was T.J…

  6. deeptrout says:

    Oh. So how are you gonna find out later?

  7. Rusty Shackleford says:

    Well, I’m not sure how serious it is yet.

    I’m still on hold with the doctor’s office.

  8. deeptrout says:

    Just cough.

  9. deeptrout says:

    If you’re on hold…

  10. I fear the reporter here is making the mistake of becoming part of the story he or she’s covering. Hopefully, it will turn out that this reporter doesn’t have an ulterior motive to take down poor Jeffery Miller.

  11. deeptrout says:

    Well, I for one don’t like his beady eyes.

  12. Rusty Shackleford says:

    I coughed.

    Let’s just say it didn’t help…

  13. deeptrout says:

    And what’s up with eyebrows? His eyes are too small and his brow too big.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks


Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
Glossy News Fake Commercials!


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

16 posts
12 posts
11 posts
4 posts
2 posts
1 post


All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial