FBI Fringe Division MH370 Test Successful, Parallel Universe Travel Safe
At a press conference Tuesday held at FBI Headquarters in Quantico, Virginia, lead blonde FBI investigator Agent Olivia Dunham, flanked by Mad Scientist Walternate Bishop and his intelligent and attractive yet curiously unaccomplished son Peter, revealed Malaysia Flight 370 was…
Cosmos Show Embroiled in Legal Controversy with Churches
Dateline: LOS ANGELES—Dozens of churches in the United States are collectively suing the producers of Cosmos, the reboot of the television show previously hosted by Carl Sagan, for “stealing the Christian shtick.” The filed complaint was obtained by the press…
Mitch McConnell Ad Begs Mockery, Gets it in Spades #mcconnelling
The internet fad of the week is #mcconnelling, a little game contrived on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. McConnell released a blank stock video of himself so his SuperPAC could later pretend they didn’t ask for it, but now…
Malaysia Flight 370 At Hogwarts
In a Tweet sent early Monday morning to the 740 million followers of @harrypotter, Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of the private prep school Hogwarts, assured relatives of passengers and flight crew of Malaysia Flight 370 they were safely housed at his…
Search for Missing Malaysian Jetliner Extends to Blue Ball, PA
Searchers from 26 countries have now focused their attention on the search for missing Malaysian Airlines flight 370 on the tiny, unincorporated town of Blue Ball, PA. “We had a mysterious radar blip over Blue Ball”, said US Secretary of…
President Obama Promotes Healthcare.gov with Jackass-Style Stunt Reel
WASHINGTON, D.C.—“I’m Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States of America, and this is Jackass.” So begins the president’s latest viral video—a 22-minute series of dangerous and immature stunts styled after the MTV show “Jackass.” The video is…
CEO Ben Linus Says Malaysia Flight 370 Swallowed Up By Smoke Monster
On Monday in Tunis, Tunisia, Ben Linus, CEO of The Dharma Initiative International, issued the following press release claiming the ill fated flight was accidentally swallowed up by an intergalactic black hole. “Fifty thousand years ago a consortium of advanced…
Oklahoma TV Station “Accidentally” Cuts 38-Minutes from Cosmos Evolution Episode
Last week, controversy erupted when the local FOX affiliate in Oklahoma City allegedly suffered technical difficulties during the only 14-seconds dealing with evolution. Perhaps the Lord moves in ways more mysterious than we’d imagined. Host Neil DeGrasse Tyson explained that…
Doctor Who Claims Responsibility For Malaysia Flight 370
At a press conference Sunday at BBC headquarters in London, Gallifreyan Time Lord Doctor Who claimed missing Malaysia Flight 370 is with him. “I landed the TARDIS in flight and asked the passengers and flight crew if they would like to…
Facing Extinction, Olive Garden Traces Dinosaur’s Demise For Answers
70 Million years ago in modern day Orlando, Florida – It is a warm, sunny afternoon during the Cretaceous Era as Breadsterastyx, a close relative of Triceratops, feasts on a large garden filled with ferns and wildflowers, while closely watching…