Woodward: Biden, Panetta Losing Obama’s Confidence

Woodward: Biden, Panetta Losing Obama’s Confidence

22 August 2009 11:27 - by Sagman44

ABC News – Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward reported today that President Obama may replace Vice President Joe Biden and CIA Director Leon Panetta before the end of his first term.

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Swine Flu Vaccine Banned in Kosher Israel

Swine Flu Vaccine Banned in Kosher Israel

21 August 2009 10:36 - by P. Beckert

Jerusalem – Israeli Health officials have announced today that the swine flu vaccine will not be made available to the general public as punishment for the more than 1,700 people who went against Hebrew law by contracting swine flu.

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Posted in Health6 Comments

Obamas Worry Martha’s Vineyard Visit “Looks Elitist”

Obamas Worry Martha’s Vineyard Visit “Looks Elitist”

18 August 2009 04:05 - by Sagman44

National Enquirer — An intrepid National Enquirer reporter has managed the near-impossible: gain access to the Obama compound on Martha’s Vineyard posing as a landscaper. During his time at the estate, John Smith discovered a hiding place in the bushes outside a screened-in porch where top advisors gathered to discuss political strategy. Following is a […]

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Obama Hosts Thursdays Under The Magnolia Tree

Obama Hosts Thursdays Under The Magnolia Tree

14 August 2009 03:34 - by P. Beckert

Washington, DC – President Obama announced that the small meeting held last Thursday between himself, Joe Biden, Professor Gates and Officer Crowley to share a beer and clear up any misunderstandings that may have arisen due to the incident involving Gates’ arrest by Crowley was highly successful.

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Albacoreascopes

Albacoreascopes

11 August 2009 11:45 - by ZoJack

It’s with fanfare most mediocre Glossy News ho-humfully ushers in the newest in its long running series of helpful astrological readings tailored not to the vague and unimaginable reader, but to one so very specific we can’t even imagine whom she or he may be. It’s with baited breath we bring you the Albacoreascopes; horoscopes […]

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Obama to Begin New World Apology Tour in Cuba

Obama to Begin New World Apology Tour in Cuba

11 August 2009 11:22 - by Sagman44

Washington – When President Barack Obama arrives in Havana for a state visit next month, he will personally apologize to late Cuban Premier Fidel Castro for decades of American interference with Cuba’s efforts to destabilize the Southern Hemisphere.

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Waterproof Sunscreen Useless Against Crying, Leads to More

Waterproof Sunscreen Useless Against Crying, Leads to More

10 August 2009 06:39 - by Brendan Alexander

When selecting a brand, type and configuration of sunscreen, it’s important to bear in mind your needs, lifestyle and personal habits. For us, it was easy to choose a high SPF rating, opt for the waterproof, and go with a trusted name brand. What I didn’t take into account was my personal propensity for crying, […]

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Posted in Health0 Comments

Darth Cheney Memoirs Basis for FOX-TV Reality Show

Darth Cheney Memoirs Basis for FOX-TV Reality Show

04 August 2009 01:35 - by BobZaguy

UNDISCLOSED, DELAWARE – Former VP Dick “Darth” Cheney announced today that he has retained the Trump Organization and The Donald as co-executive producers of his new “Memoirs” reality show to air on Fox this fall.

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Posted in Television0 Comments

CIA Tape Shocker: Pelosi in Bed with Reid, Murtha

CIA Tape Shocker: Pelosi in Bed with Reid, Murtha

04 August 2009 12:03 - by Sagman44

Washington — In an escalation of the conflict between the Central Intelligence Agency and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, a CIA source has provided the New York Times a tape of what he maintains is a July 2007 meeting attended by Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, and Rep. John Murtha.

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories, War Zone0 Comments

Clinton: North Korea Needs Good Spanking

Clinton: North Korea Needs Good Spanking

03 August 2009 03:48 - by P. Beckert

Phuket, Thailand – Hillary Clinton angrily announced yesterday from Phuket (pronounced “fuh-ket” or alternatively “Phuket”), that she’s had it with North Koreans, likening them to little children demanding attention.

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Foundation to Launch “Cash for Congressional Clunkers” Program

Foundation to Launch “Cash for Congressional Clunkers” Program

03 August 2009 11:55 - by Sagman44

New York — The Foundation to Preserve American Values, a private philanthropic group, announced at a news conference today that it will distribute up to one billion dollars in grants to selected members of Congress. Ralph Warren, President of the FPAV, called the initiative, “Cash for Congressional Clunkers.”

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Chocolate Doomsday Cult Calls It Quits

Chocolate Doomsday Cult Calls It Quits

31 July 2009 07:51 - by P. Beckert

Doomsday cults are big business these days. The Death by Chocolate Cult sadly disbanded. Phoenix, AZ – It was announced today that the doomsday cult calling itself Death by Chocolate has called it quits due to the fact that their original mission to eat themselves to death with chocolate has not quite gone as planned.

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Posted in Religionism0 Comments

Mansour Biden Unleashed

Mansour Biden Unleashed

30 July 2009 05:08 - by Sagman44

Washington – At a hastily called press briefing yesterday, Vice President Joe Biden blasted the New York Times for asserting in an editorial that a highly classified document on American missile defense was made public accidentally.

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Posted in Politics, Strange People, Top Stories0 Comments

Hillary: Gore Threatened Me with Endorsement

Hillary: Gore Threatened Me with Endorsement

29 July 2009 11:18 - by Sagman44

In an interview with Salon Magazine, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton charged that in May of 2008, former Vice President Al Gore threatened to support her for President, over her objections.

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

Trophy Wives Falling on Hard Times

Trophy Wives Falling on Hard Times

25 July 2009 10:24 - by P. Beckert

High society is really taking a beating in this economic crisis. The scores of trophy wives who have been left to fend for themselves by husbands caught in the unfortunate outing of greed and corruption on Wall Street are not taking their fall from status lying down—well, maybe they’ll take it lying down if the […]

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Obama Administration Stunned by State Department Secession

Obama Administration Stunned by State Department Secession

24 July 2009 08:49 - by Sagman44

Washington – Secretary of State Hillary Clinton declared today the State Department‘s independence from the Obama Administration. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs reported that President Obama reacted very coolly to the news. “His only comment,” Gibbs said, was, “Let’s all be calm about this and give everybody a few weeks to sort things out.”

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

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