Kim Jong-un Diagnosed w/ Breast Cancer; Citizens Forced to Cry or be Shot
It was early spring of 2014 when the savior of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, was enjoying his three course meal in complete tranquility, an annual source of food considered by his people. To everyone’s surprise, later that day, it was…
Pistorius’ Defence ‘A Shot in the Dark’
A leaked document has been revealed to the press outlining Oscar Pistorius’ proposed defence arguments in his ongoing murder trial. The legal brief describes the three main planks to his defence designed to undermine the prosecutors case.Firstly he is to…
Malaysian Flight MH370 Survivors ‘Confirmed’
Kimi Ono, head of the MH370 survivors group, held a press conference today, to deny claims from the Malaysian investigation authorities that all those aboard the doomed plane were ‘obviously now dead’. Mrs Ono began ‘I know my husband is…
Malaysian Airliner Wins Gold in 2014’s Hide and Seek Olympic Tournament
Malaysian Airliner MH370 staff and passengers were officially declared 2014’s Hide and Seek gold champions by the International Olympics Committee this week leaving millions pissed that the team did not attempt to break the world record set by Osama Bin…
Tiger Breadsticks His Way Back Into The Masters
Jupiter Island, Florida – Despite withdrawing from the Masters earlier in the week after having unavoidable back surgery, Tiger Woods unexpectedly announced Thursday evening that he is back in the tournament and credits “the almighty breadstick” for helping him make…
Millionaire Tricks CNN into Stopping its Coverage of Missing Malaysian Plane
Dateline: ATLANTA—Elderly oddball millionaire, Huey Longbottom, shuns the internet and receives all of his news from CNN, but taking no interest in the missing Malaysian plane, which CNN has covered exhaustively for several weeks, Longbottom orchestrated several bizarre spectacles to…
Scientists Find Water On Nearby Useless, Soda-less Planet
CAPE CANAVERAL, FLA. — Scientists with the NASA space program recently uncovered several million gallons of potable water — though no traces of carbonated liquid of any kind — on a large, nearby planet in what is being pronounced “a…
Glossy News March Winners Announced
For reasons unknown, we’re still running the $250 satire contest for our writers. Here are your March winners. The Top Ten #10 – Facing Extinction, Olive Garden Traces Dinosaur’s Demise For Answers by FreeMann. Just goes to show that sometimes…
Tiger Woods Unable To Play In Masters After Successful Penisectomy
Tiger Woods announced Tuesday that he has undergone a successful penisectomy for a vestigial weiner that has been haunting him for several years. The surgery was performed Monday in Park City, Utah, by neurosurgeon Dr. Charles Ima Richer. The procedure…
International MH370 Search Efforts To Be Unified Under “Operation Wild Goose”
Responding to criticism that search efforts for the ill fated Flight 370 have been unfocused, haphazard and confusing, United Nations Secretary-General Ban-ki-moon announced today that all future efforts will be directed by one authority under the title “Operation Wild Goose”.