Wall Street Whizzes “Said Sorry”, Beg Public for New Nest Eggs

Wall Street Whizzes “Said Sorry”, Beg Public for New Nest Eggs

29 December 2010 08:50 - by rfreed

The front page of USA Today announced that ‘Five Wall Street Heavyweights say it’s time to “Get Back Into Stocks!”’ Yes folks, for those of you who are not unemployed or living out of a storage unit, it is time to take your hard-earned cash and put it back into the hands of those people […]

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc0 Comments

Home Improvement’s Zachary Ty Bryan Sues for More than “Show Sucking”

Home Improvement’s Zachary Ty Bryan Sues for More than “Show Sucking”

28 December 2010 11:34 - by Dexter Sinistri

Home Improvement’s “Brad Taylor”, played by erstwhile interesting sub-celebrity Zachery Ty Bryan, has filed a lawsuit against two partners in “Big Wangs”, a Hollywood sports bar. While analysts think he has better odds of suing for the complete destruction of his acting career, legal experts suggest this claim might actually have more merit, apparently.

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip0 Comments

Lab Results Show Hot Dogs Contain Extra Lips, No A**holes

Lab Results Show Hot Dogs Contain Extra Lips, No A**holes

28 December 2010 06:42 - by P. Beckert

A team of research scientists from Kentucky State University have concluded a year-long study of the average American hot dog to determine once and for all if they are, in fact, made from lips and a**holes. The results indicate that hot dogs do indeed contain pig lips but the scientists could find no trace of […]

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Posted in Health, Human Interest0 Comments

Kim Jong Il Crush on Bill Richardson Intensifies after Latest Visit

Kim Jong Il Crush on Bill Richardson Intensifies after Latest Visit

27 December 2010 01:47 - by P. Beckert

Kim Jong Il is said to still be talking about the wonderful visit he had with his “American GI buddy” earlier this month. Those who know Kim Jong Il intimately claim that it was no coincidence that Richardson was chosen to travel to North Korea to discuss various issues concerning nuclear power and tension with […]

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Posted in World News0 Comments

Cindy McCain’s Chic Haircut Causes Senate Upheaval

Cindy McCain’s Chic Haircut Causes Senate Upheaval

26 December 2010 08:52 - by BobZaguy

PRESCOTT, AZ — GlossyNews.com: Re-elected Sen. John McCain, going on 74, seemed to coast to victory in November, easily beating Tuscon Democrat Rodney Glassman to hang onto his Arizona Senate seat. But his wife’s new chic haircut got major press, and this threw the 5-term senator into a major funk.

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

Pot Tops Booze as Most Popular Adult X-mas Gift this Year

Pot Tops Booze as Most Popular Adult X-mas Gift this Year

25 December 2010 08:17 - by P. Beckert

Forget slippers and socks, power tools for the guys and tennis bracelets and earrings for the gals, this year for the first time, marijuana (pot) is the most sought after gift, both for giving and receiving. While spirits and wine have always been at or near the top of the adult gift-giving list come Christmastime, […]

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Jailed Chinese Dissident on Nobel Prize: Thanx F-ing Loads

Jailed Chinese Dissident on Nobel Prize: Thanx F-ing Loads

24 December 2010 04:54 - by Liberties-Taken

The Western world was excited this week at news the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to imprisoned Chinese democracy advocate Xi Liang Jing. Media watchers are in consensus on the surprising development. If not for the unfortunately timed announcement of Prince William’s engagement, Mr. Jing would’ve maybe made the evening news.

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Investigation of Elizabeth Edwards Death Announced

Investigation of Elizabeth Edwards Death Announced

23 December 2010 10:48 - by Liberties-Taken

Senator Denton R. Fender (R-TX) this week revealed hearings will begin in January regarding the suspicious death of Elizabeth Edwards, wife of former Presidential hopeful John Edwards. The press release hints at a scandal so diabolical, DC pundits are already busy trying to name it something catchy that ends in ‘gate.’

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Posted in Crime, Politics2 Comments

God Confirms Intervention in Florida School Board Shooting

God Confirms Intervention in Florida School Board Shooting

23 December 2010 02:37 - by Juvenal Delinquent

Panama City, FL. (GlossyNews.com) – School superintendent Bill Husfelt, who survived a gunman’s vendetta during a board meeting on Tuesday, claims God protected him when suspect Clay Duke opened fire on him and his colleagues. “God was standing in front of me, and I’ll go to my grave believing that”, he was quoted as saying. […]

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Posted in Crime, Religionism1 Comment

Walmart Buys Exclusive Rights to Christmas, Axes Controversial “Jesus”

Walmart Buys Exclusive Rights to Christmas, Axes Controversial “Jesus”

22 December 2010 06:19 - by rfreed

In a sweeping move today Walmart has bought the entire rights to Christmas and all its accessories. The move is designed to give Walmart control over the popular holiday and to help shore up the retail giant as being the main source that shoppers go to to procure their gift buying. The legal right to […]

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Posted in Biz News6 Comments

Miley Cyrus Bongs are a Hit This Christmas

Miley Cyrus Bongs are a Hit This Christmas

22 December 2010 06:36 - by Liberties-Taken

In this era of economic uncertainty, it’s easy to forget that millionaire child traffickers have it rough sometimes too. So the struggles of Miley Cyrus, Inc. have been a sadly ignored story, supplanted in the news by stuff about families sleeping in cars at Wal-Mart parking lots, those selfish media hogs. At issue has been […]

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip0 Comments

Gays in military ask for more fashionable fatigues

Gays in military ask for more fashionable fatigues

21 December 2010 07:51 - by Juvenal Delinquent

Washington, DC – On the high heels of the historic vote to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” openly gay troops are now pushing for the Pentagon to bring in the top fashion designers to create more stylish uniforms. Dubbing it the, “War on Utilitarianism” or, if you’ll pardon the pun, ‘Haute Couterror,’ the newly anointed […]

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Posted in Politics, Top Stories13 Comments

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