Christmas Light De-tangling Contest Erupts in Violence

Christmas Light De-tangling Contest Erupts in Violence

12 November 2009 08:17 - by P. Beckert

Holy Smokes, VA – The first annual Christmas lights de-tangling contest held at the local BPOE lodge was interrupted late in the evening when one of the contestants, Harvey Smith, pulled a gun on fellow contestant, John Houdini, accusing him of having a special knack for untying knots, and thereby giving him an unfair advantage.

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

The Funny Side of WW2 – Que?

The Funny Side of WW2 – Que?

12 November 2009 03:08 - by Rusty

According to a recent survey undertaken by the government’s Ministry for Wasting Time and Money the British youth of the 21st Century are possessed by a plethora of misconceptions concerning Germany, World War Two, the Nazi party and the Holohoax. A full ten out of ten teenagers (boys, girls and budding transvestites) surveyed unanimously agreed […]

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Posted in World News0 Comments

Air Phone Becomes Big Concern Of Cell Phone Suppliers

Air Phone Becomes Big Concern Of Cell Phone Suppliers

11 November 2009 07:47 - by BobZaguy

Washington, DC – The “Air phone look” is a person’s left or right arm crooked with the hand touching the ear and lips simultaneously with the thumb and little finger extended, 3 other fingers folded under the palm. Everyone’s doing it whether it’s on TV or in the movies; on buses or trains; even through […]

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos0 Comments

Biking Bonkers Boris Foils Mugging

Biking Bonkers Boris Foils Mugging

11 November 2009 12:08 - by Rusty

Lord Mayor of London, Bonkers Boris Nonsense, last night rescued a woman from being attacked by an armed group of drunken yobettes, chasing them down the road on his bicycle while shouting “Effin’ Oiks – I’ll have yer all horse-whipped and thrown into the Tower fer this!” Ms. Fellattia van der Gamm, a 94-years-old Dutch […]

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Posted in Crime4 Comments

Clinton Tells Paki’s – “Tax ’em & Be Damned”

Clinton Tells Paki’s – “Tax ’em & Be Damned”

11 November 2009 05:57 - by Rusty

The US Secretary of State, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, in yet another typical menopausal outburst – yesterday rebuked Pakistani government officials for pleading they couldn’t afford to wage an all-out war against Taliban Dan and his gang of Jolly Jihadi insurgents infiltrating the northern provinces of the basket case country due the government coffers being emptier […]

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

FATHER CHRISTMAS / SANTA CLAUS VACANCY (applicants requested)

FATHER CHRISTMAS / SANTA CLAUS VACANCY (applicants requested)

10 November 2009 01:47 - by Rusty

For those seeking temporary employment over the holidays, looking to earn a few extra bucks, there is a job opening at the north pole that may interest you. Experience working with reindeer a plus, but not required. Tummy like a bowl-full-of-jelly will help, but please do not send photographs with your application. Read all about this once-in-a-season opportunity here.

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Society0 Comments

Mischief Night = Domestic Terrorism

Mischief Night = Domestic Terrorism

10 November 2009 01:08 - by Rusty

Dog feces-smearing, egg-throwing, gate-stealing, nailing cats to people’s front doors, or setting fire to wheelie bins and disabled pensioners. That can only mean one thing – it’s Manky Mischief Night again. While being an established and centuries-old tradition in northern England the festival of bedevilment is barely known elsewhere in the UK.

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Viagra Concession Ends Transit Strike

Viagra Concession Ends Transit Strike

10 November 2009 12:08 - by P. Beckert

Philadelphia, PA – Transit workers in Philadelphia, threatening to continue their strike for a raise in more than their salaries, have won a battle with the Southern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority to have most of their health care costs covered, including full-month prescriptions for Viagra and similar prescription medicines to treat erectile dysfunction (ED).

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Posted in Health2 Comments

Palin-out, The Quitter’s Tour

Palin-out, The Quitter’s Tour

09 November 2009 11:39 - by BobZaguy

Russian Porch, AK “Palin-out” —n., the act of leaving before 2009 is over. Todd Palin quit his job with BP’s North Slope oil operation at the beginning of October. News of this quitting comes two months after Sarah Palin’s announcement that she quit her state governor job on July 26. These news items followed the […]

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc4 Comments

Beefeaters Accused of Rampant Sexism

Beefeaters Accused of Rampant Sexism

09 November 2009 04:52 - by Rusty

Two Beefeaters at the Tower of London have been suspended from duty – by the thumbs – while a third is currently undergoing a course of extraordinary rendition in the Tower’s basement dungeons in connection with allegations of harassing their female vegetarian colleague.

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Posted in Human Interest, Religionism0 Comments

Kellogg’s New “Panacea Puffs” Claims to Cure All

Kellogg’s New “Panacea Puffs” Claims to Cure All

09 November 2009 01:05 - by Rusty

Weird and bizarre nutritional claims come and go – alongside the passage of a Millennium’s ages – and too with the flight of short fickle seasons. Raw mammoth meat provided our cave-dwelling ancestors with the virility and stamina to survive the last Ice Age.

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Posted in Health, Kidz Zone0 Comments

Chinese Politburo Hits New Highs of Paranoia

Chinese Politburo Hits New Highs of Paranoia

08 November 2009 01:57 - by Rusty

The day prior to the kick-off of September’s Melbourne International Film Festival its executive director Bluey McBruce received a most bellicose telephone call from a certain Mr Flip Flop Fong – the senior official at the Chinese consulate in the city. Fong, in no uncertain terms, ordered Mr. McBruce to withdraw a short, but concise, […]

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Ask Hank: Another Greek Tragedy

Ask Hank: Another Greek Tragedy

08 November 2009 06:04 - by Ask Hank

Hey Hank, Sometimes it feels like everything around me is going wrong, like my family hates me, like I’ll never get married, and like I’ll never have kids or become a real man. Can you suggest what drink would go best with my sorrow?

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Posted in Society1 Comment

Fort Hood Massacre Not Terrorism, “Simply a Case of Islamic Involuntary Assisted Suicide”

Fort Hood Massacre Not Terrorism, “Simply a Case of Islamic Involuntary Assisted Suicide”

08 November 2009 12:08 - by Fuzzy Duffy

This is a teachable moment in how we, as Americans, fail to understand differing cultures and values from around the world. As a Muslim, Major Hasan may have had a broader outlook on what actually constitutes assisted suicide, and we should respect that. Perhaps to Islamic sensibilities, assisted suicide in the medical profession has more of an 'involuntary' component than we have in the West.

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Posted in Top Stories1 Comment

Child Laborers Caught Sleeping on the Job

Child Laborers Caught Sleeping on the Job

07 November 2009 05:10 - by Brendan Alexander

We’ve been known to miss some time from time to time, but never as much as we have in the past six-months. Between the big trip to Puerto Rico, dealing with the Puerto Ricans and dealing with all the things related to being back home, we’ve been swamped with unwinding as much as winding in […]

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Posted in Biz News4 Comments

Shameless Saudis on the Green Energy Cadge Make Fools Beyond their Dress(es)

Shameless Saudis on the Green Energy Cadge Make Fools Beyond their Dress(es)

07 November 2009 09:45 - by Rusty

There was a veritable abundance of Third World countries present – and on their usual scrounging missions – at the recent U.N. climate talks in Bangkok. All present were attempting to convince anyone stupid enough to listen that they definitely qualified for massive financial assistance to adapt to the impacts of global warming and profit […]

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Posted in Biz News, Environment0 Comments

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