Yeezus Punishes Kanye West for Taking His Own Name in Vain
Yeezus, master of all universes, creator of light and darkness which thrives upon us has blamed and punished the innocent Kanye West for criticizing him in a public ceremony after calling him a “no good, dirty piece of shit” and…
Pothole Filled: DeSean Jackson Gypped
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – In response to the demand of residents living on Broad Street in Center City, Mayor Michael Nutter has filled a giant pothole, while simultaneously taking a step forward in a city-wide effort to legalize marijuana. “Today, Philadelphia…
Cantankerous Collaborator Steven Colbert to Take Over for Lame Liberal Lefty Letterman
The ultimate traitor, Steven Colbert, has sold his soul and gone over to the dark side of the Force. In signing a deal with CBS, probably with a pinprick and a signature in blood, he has given up his proud…
Who Leaked Jennette McCurdy Nude Selfies? The Answer May Surprise You
Jennette McCurdy, the 21-year-old star of Nickelodeon’s Sam and Cat and iCarly is making headlines not fit for her Nickelodeon audience. Nudey headlines. Several more semi-nude selfies have been leaked to the media, and we do mean leaked. The glossy…
Shock Saudi Royal Wedding ‘She’s Definitely In My Top 5’ Says Prince
Crown Prince Abdul Rahman Al-Saud of Saudi Arabia whose family have not only ruled the desert kingdom for over 80 years but also give the country the first part of its name, is to marry an American Jewish pork butcher…
Douch-Dad Doesn’t Arrive to Daughter’s Ballet Recital; Vagina Syndrome Suspected
A stereotypical middle class Caucasian father, owner of three adorable children is still being a huge douchebag by not arriving to his little girl’s ballet recital which begins at 4 pm. When asked on who was going to arrive to…
NASCAR to Shorten Races: Surging Gas Prices Spur Changes
NASCAR officials declared today that due to the current increase in gasoline prices, several races later this season will be shortened to save costs. According to the report issued, the money saving initiative will prevent a rise in ticket prices…
Undercover PennDOT Workers Disguised As Cops To Secretly Finish Turnpike Construction
PITTSBURGH — The Pennsylvania Department of Transportation (PennDOT) recently announced plans to disguise an elite group of its workers as police officers and place them in construction zones along the Pennsylvania Turnpike in order to secretly finish some of the…
Florida Man Eats Own Face, Goes on Epic Crime Spree
Daytona Beach, FL—On Thursday, Florida Man Randy Travers went on a spectacular 18-hour crime spree that included autocannibalism, first-degree arson, theft, voting fraud, and numerous other destructive acts. He is now in police custody, according to Sgt. Dale Reynolds of…
Arizona Scientists Prove Alien Existence; Body is Launched Back to Planet Mexico
Scientists from the University of Arizona have concluded this Friday that the possible existence of extraterrestrial life could become a reality after certain test results are finalized. The University was baffled when a 2,500 year old alien life form, Ernesto…