Category: Society
New Karl Rove Infomercial: “Weaseling Your Way To Success”
Greetings fellow Americans – Are you one of the downtrodden ones who have never had a lucky break? I was one too, but I am going to pass on to you how you can break out of the bad luck…
Hurricane Isaac, New Orleans Mulligan
New Orleans, Louisiana- As New Orleans prepares to be hit by another potentially devastating hurricane, New Orleans officials hit the airwaves proving how they will not screw this one up. New Orleans Mayor, Mitch Landrieu stated in a press conference…
Man Awakes from Coma; Wonders Where All His MySpace Friends Are
After spending 6 years in a comatose condition stemming from a bizarre bungee jumping accident during an otherwise raucous and spirited Spring break in Cancun, local man Bryce Peters, now 27, has incredibly regained consciousness. Doctors always remained hopeful of…
Supreme Court Protects Corporations’ Right to Bear Arms
Washington D.C. – Today the Supreme Court upheld Corporations’ Second Amendment Rights. This decision comes in the wake of the much controversial decision, FEC v. Citizens United, where the Court upheld corporations First Amendment rights to free speech by striking…
150,000 Feared Dead Following Typical Day
EARTH – An estimated 150,000 people are presumed to have died yesterday in the wake of what experts described as “a fairly typical day” on the planet. If confirmed, the expected number of fatalities during the latest in a string…
NASA Launches Mission to Find Intelligent Life on Earth
Cape Canaveral, Fla.- After the recent success and attention garnered from the mars rover, Curiosity, NASA launched a probe to Earth with the intent to discover if intelligent life does exist, or has ever existed on the planet. Many controversial…
Memory Foam Mattress Recounts Continued Abuse
A memory foam mattress from Florida has made its first appearance in court today in a case detailing years of continued abuse by married couple Mr and Mrs Winemuff. Looking nervous the memory foam mattress took the stand and began…
Pop-up Ads Ruin Life in The Matrix
The appearance of pop-up ads in everyday reality has prompted leading scientists to speculate that what we perceive as “real life” is nothing more than a virtual reality simulation. “And that’s not the bad news,” stated Dr. Zachary Smith, lead…
God Quietly Blessing Other Nations
HEAVEN – According to celestial insiders and various mythical figures, His Lordship and Creator of All Things, Almighty God has been quietly blessing nations other than the United States of America. Even though much of His time – which is…
Weather (man) Beaten
A weatherman has been beaten and is recovering in hospital after an attack outside news offices. The attack happened at about 8pm local time when a middle-aged woman ran up to local weatherman Ryan Storm and shouted “sunshine” while throwing…