Category: Society
Autism Speaks Discovers Cure for Autism
In a shock announcement yesterday, Autism Speaks, based in Long Island, New York, stated that after years of struggle, they had finally discovered a way to cure a condition that has baffled parents and scientists alike since it was first…
Waiter? There’s A Hair in Her Armpit
Shock swept across Orange County when a woman at a café lifted her arm to ask for the bill and revealed she had armpit hair. It is unknown how the woman acquired the hair and as to whether it was…
Autism Expert Proven He is Anything But
Having already agreed a few days ago to interview Professor Simon Baron-Cohen, the 54-year-old director of the University of Cambridge’s Autism Research Centre, I was surprised yesterday when he asked to scrap the list of pre-approved questions so he could…
Snakes in the Grass… for Obama
MIAMI-A Burmese python found dead in the Florida Everglades has snake and political experts rattled. A definitive square shape outlining the snake’s midsection led to an examination of stomach contents. Along with the remains of a raccoon, the python had…
Obesity Epidemic Caused by Lack of Nicotine, According to “Doctor”
Center for Disease Control (CDC) Assistant Director, Doctor Richard Fulcrum, announced today that the major cause of obesity in the United States is that scores of Americans are quitting smoking and depriving their bodies of nicotine. “We notice that from…
Match.com Under Fire for “Group” Dating Events
Dating website Match.com, which claims to use intricate compatibility matrices to find potential dates for willing singles, has come under fire with its most recent dating campaign. Match.com’s Stir events have been plagued by charges of racism after participants have…
Indiana Mom Prepares Child For His First Full Day of No More Fun
INDIANAPOLIS – With around two weeks to go until the start of school, Indiana mom Annette Nichols is anxiously getting her 6-year-old son ready for his first day of what will ultimately be no more fun. Enrolling him in classes…
Brutal, Merciless Shooting Thankfully Not Linked to Terrorism
NEW YORK, NY – A brutal shooting that recently left 2 people dead and several wounded outside the Empire State Building is not believed to be linked to terrorism, say relieved news sources. Even though 11 people were wounded after…
Superman Fails to Stop Bank Robbery Due to Not Being Real
New York police were left red-faced after Superman did not turn up to save the day. When responding to what seemed a routine bank alarm call out, three police cars pulled up outside Steel Cheques Bank to find a real…
History’s Largest Manhunt Over, Waldo Dead
Aden- The largest manhunt in the war on terror finally comes to a close. Waldo, a.k.a. Wally, Veli, or Al’ Shabaz Mussa Shadif was an American citizen who notably sympathized with Al Quaeda insurgency groups and became an intellectual leader…