Category: Society
Housewife becomes Batman-like
A WOMAN has been arrested after she became ‘ninja-like’ and ‘overly mysterious’ while making dinner to the Batman soundtrack. Emergency services received a distress call from a very panicked husband at a home in suburban Seattle at around 5:45pm yesterday…
Pinewood Derby Teaches Valuable Lessons in Cheating, Abandonment
My boys had their first Pinewood Derby. As I sat there it dawned on me what’s really being taught; all the ugliness of life in one 7-ounces block of resentment. My older son had what I can charitably describe as…
Sinead O’Connor Shreds Picture of Pope Benedict XVI, Everyone Cheers
Sinead O’Connor has been vindicated. The news of Pope Benedict XVI stepping down as head of the Vatican left a world stunned, but according to reports, Sinead O’Connor didn’t miss a beat. At a recent concert, she appeared on stage…
God Privately Admits He Doesn’t Have Plan for Disabled Boy
HEAVEN – Speaking off-the-record Friday, the Lord God privately admitted that he did not have a concrete plan for local disabled boy Dwight Bowers, who was born paralyzed from the waist down. Even though the excitable 6-year-old is routinely assured…
Obama Angry He “Can’t” Kill American Citizens
Members of the press core were violently ejected from the White House yesterday after President Obama went into a fit of rage over the fact that the Constitution prohibits him from killing innocent American citizens. “It’s not fair! My drone…
YOLO Dead; As Are Most Adherents (Part 2)
We began our story yesterday on the dangers of the phrase YOLO! and what it’s meant to the dwindling number of America’s less intelligent youth who followed this belief. What happened to them? We’ll tell you later, but we’ll give…
YOLO Demise Discovered; Most Adherents Deceased (Part 1)
YOLO, short for “you only live once”. Easily the “don’t worry, be happy” of 2011, is now gone, all but forgotten. But why is this phrase out of use? A recent study finds it’s because most who lived by it…
National Rat Association Wants to Disassociate Itself From NRA
The National Rat Association, an organization created and run by the rat population of the United States of America, is doing a big publicity campaign to disassociate itself from the notorious National Rifle Association who share the same abbreviated initials…
Prayer Warriors Return From Battle With Hugo Chavez
A group of faithful prayer warriors, armed with nothing more than their bibles and a long history of religious indoctrination, are slowly returning to their normal lives after what they describe as their victory over evil. They find vindication for…
Catholic Priests Terrorize Italy’s Youth
Terror in Italy this morning as hundreds of Catholic priests descend upon the Vatican. Italian Mister of Defense Giampaolo di Paola has imposed a strict curfew and parents are being encouraged to keep their children indoors until the threat has…