Categorized | Religionism

God Privately Admits He Doesn’t Have Plan for Disabled Boy

God Privately Admits He Doesn’t Have Plan for Disabled Boy

HEAVEN – Speaking off-the-record Friday, the Lord God privately admitted that he did not have a concrete plan for local disabled boy Dwight Bowers, who was born paralyzed from the waist down.

Even though the excitable 6-year-old is routinely assured by his parents Kathryn and Edward that God is watching over him, The Almighty Father indicated that He has given “next-to-no-thought” as to the boy’s future.

“I mean, I’d be lying if I said Dwight was going to exceed everyone’s expectations by one day becoming the CEO of a large corporation,” said God, shrugging his shoulders. “The truth is, he could be confined to his parent’s house for the remainder of his life. I honestly have no idea.”

Refusing to speculate on whether young Dwight might eventually learn to walk, God insisted that He might need to “go away and look into this some more before answering any more questions.”

“I wish I could tell that you that Dwight was going to overcome adversity and become, I don’t know, a UN ambassador or something,” He continued. “But I truly have no clue what will happen to him. He is simply not in my plans.”

Meanwhile, The Lord’s admission notwithstanding, little Dwight incorrectly asserted Friday that God had willed him to “study real hard for that spelling test I got coming up on Monday.”


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Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.


One Response to “God Privately Admits He Doesn’t Have Plan for Disabled Boy”

  1. Bee says:

    Aw, I feel sorry for little Dwight.

    Hope he gets full marks on his spelling test, maybe God will notice him then.


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