Category: Crime
Highlighter Pens for Maximum Havoc (comic)
Is it illegal to deface bills? What if you only deface them invisibly? I have a new hobby, and that is defacing large bills invisibly to humiliate future users of the bills. They might be embarrassed, they might get a…
Satire Takes Fire for Accusing NRA of Causing Boston Bombing
Satire websites have been publishing a very popular conspiracy article concerning the NRA being behind the Boston Marathon bombing as a way to detour attention away from the gun limitation bills that had been going through Congress at the same…
NRA Considers Pressure Cookers as a Future Income Possibility
The NRA, fresh from its victory of further controlling American laws by defeating all Congressional bills limiting access to guns of mass destruction, is now looking to further extend its power. Successfully cowing and buying off Senators involved with the…
Last Alliance of Idiots and Morons March for Bloomberg
NEW YORK CITY – Police are out in force after a grand alliance of idiots and morons took to Times Square to march in support of Mayor Michael Bloomberg and his policies. Though the protesters already numbered over 40,000 by…
Report: TSA Agents Receive Eternal Cavity Searches in Hell
Washington is ablaze with fury after one of Satan’s lieutenants accidentally leaked the conditions of punishment for TSA agents in Hell, which include cavity searches that never ever end. Buroz Baliferous, a lower demon who works under Satan in the…
FBI to Boost Recruitment, Remove Fitness Requirement
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to meet the growing diversity of the nation, the Department of Justice has announced changes to physical requirements for FBI special agents which will replace regular running with power walking. Current requirements for selection…
Dogs must reduce drug sniffing, says Supreme Court
“I don’t want no drug sniffing dogs around here,” said Ms. P. Innuckope (not her real name). “I got nuff trouble with human junkies without them bringing their pets.” Ms. Innuckope was one of many that were relieved when the…
Google Search For ‘Oscar Pistorius Murder Trial’ Evolves Into ‘Reeva Steenkamp Topless’
INDIANAPOLIS – During a routine navigation of the internet Friday, a local man’s Google search for the keywords “Oscar Pistorius murder trial” evolved over the course of 7 minutes into “Reeva Steenkamp Topless.” Initially looking to gain up-to-the-minute news on…
Housewife becomes Batman-like
A WOMAN has been arrested after she became ‘ninja-like’ and ‘overly mysterious’ while making dinner to the Batman soundtrack. Emergency services received a distress call from a very panicked husband at a home in suburban Seattle at around 5:45pm yesterday…
Obama Angry He “Can’t” Kill American Citizens
Members of the press core were violently ejected from the White House yesterday after President Obama went into a fit of rage over the fact that the Constitution prohibits him from killing innocent American citizens. “It’s not fair! My drone…