Hollywoodland, CA (GlossyNews) — On its website, California’s Voyeur Club bills itself “an elegant, discrete setting where fetishists visually enjoy a full immersion in all aspects of the lifestyle.” That was the good old days, before last week. Unwanted publicity came recently with news the GOP had reimbursed an operative for $2,000 of ‘lifestyle immersion.’ The scandal slaps a Republican Party already on its knees after passage of the healthcare legislation. Continue Reading

Cairo, Illinois (GlossyNews) TSA director Laurie Partridge faced harsh questions this week in her appearance before the House sub-Committee for Members We don’t know What to do With.

Ms. Partridge explained to the allegedly powerful HCMWW, the Savior of the world was in no way singled out; it shouldn’t be seen as a religion thing.

Sitting next to her legal counsel Adam Lambert, who was wearing a stylish red Versace leather jacket, Ms. Partridge said, “We don’t profile people, but we do profile people, right?” Continue Reading

BOSTON, MA (GlossyNews) — First-time author Calvin Klavan has touched many nerves with his newly published, “The Keller Fraud: It was just a bad astigmatism.” In the 657 page narrative, Klavan posits a seemingly bizarre take on Keller, the beloved symbol of triumph against all odds. The book was bound to stir controversy, the author was quick to admit to Glossy News reporters. Continue Reading

WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — It began with whispers and raised eyebrows, then quickly became a prairie fire. So far only the venerable Helen Thomas, speaking at D.C.’s popular Make It Look Like a Business Expense Bistro, has found courage to say that this may be our generation’s Watergate, or worse. Continue Reading

Detroit, MI (GlossyNews) — In what was considered shocking, even by Detroit standards, the beloved blue Sesame Street character today staged a bloody robbery at a suburban strip mall. No Girl Scouts were injured, but three shoppers were killed in a hail of bullets witnesses termed “confusing.”

Police declined to name the victims, pending notification of relatives, but stated the Cookie Monster made off with fourteen boxes of Tagalongs and eight boxes of Do-Si-Dos. Continue Reading

NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — TIME magazine’s cover photo this week of an aged man grasping a pair of testicles was incorrectly interpreted as portraying a Vatican official. It was in fact Reuben Kincaid, American Airlines’ spokesman for the bold new PTC (Placate the Cattle) initiative. The photo was taken by America-hating, closet Islamist Annie Leibovitz. Continue Reading

Boca Raton, FL (GlossyNews) The Association for Pseudo-Intellectual Predictions held its annual conference in Boca Raton, Florida this weekend. Attendance was much higher than event organizers had anticipated.

Keynote speaker Adam Lambert delivered an optimistic yet cautionary tone to the assembled APIP members. Reading from stuff written on his hand Mr. Lambert said, “Yes these are the golden days for the worthless prediction industry. Continue Reading

Baltimore, MD (GlossyNews) — Speaking from Baltimore’s famed Holly Oaks Cemetery, last resting place of author Edgar Allen Polk, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi today revealed a strategy so stunning, even seasoned Washington wonks looked up from their pools of vomit and urine at DC’s famed “Make It Look Like a Business Expense” bistro.

Pelosi, brimming with confidence, said she’s no longer pandering for the recalcitrant pro-life Dem vote; she now has the pro-unlife vote securely in her corner. Continue Reading

HAZLEHURST, MS (GlossyNews) — Sources close to GlossyNews confirm that today one of the most influential voices in Delta Blues has gone to heaven. Or so we hope.

The oldest child of sharecroppers Sam and Thelma Johnson, “Deaf Willie” never let his disability hold him back. According to his sister, Sandra Johnson-Morgenstern, a vice president who oversees new acquisition leverage at Goldman Sachs, Willie enjoyed all forms of music from an early age, even though he couldn’t hear any of it. Continue Reading

Mexicali, BC, Mex (Noticias Mexicanas) In these troubled economic times, some doubt the old paradigms of Democrat and Republican remain relevant, pointing to ever growing fragmentation on both ends of the political spectrum. Their thesis seemed to gain credence this week, in the splintering of yet another splinter group. Continue Reading

Pat Robertson, the famed televangelist, remains hospitalized with mysterious needle-like pains that grow worse every time he mentions Haiti, earthquake or Voodoo. The medical world continues to be baffled by the odd pathology. Actor Hugh Laurie of the popular “House” series has been called in for consultation, and even he has given up after ordering tests for leprosy, elephantitis and Lyme’s disease. Continue Reading

Washington DC By the narrow margin Court watchers have come to expect, the Supreme Court ruled today that Black History Month should “get over itself already.” In the five vote majority opinion, Justice Clarence Thomas wrote, “There is no Constitutional precedent for highlighting the achievements of specific ethnic groups. While technically permitted as redress of past discrimination, it just goes on and on, you know? Black History Week would be OK, but Harriet Tubman and Sojurner Truth, well it gets old quick.” Continue Reading

In what is hailed as a media coup, former 2008 presidential candidate John Edwards has agreed to an exclusive deal with Jerry Springer Productions.

According to Washington insiders, the move is a bold “out of the box” insurgency first step in challenging Barack Obama in 2012. Former McGovern advisor Everest Hauptbottom said, “This could work for Edwards. Voters are sick and tired of maritally faithful leaders. Continue Reading

Programming ceased today at the popular 700 Club network, as Pat Robertson was rushed to the hospital. The 79 year old televangelist complained of “like needles sticking in me all over, particularly in the crotch area.” The attack came as the religous leader was taping part 2 of an ongoing expose on Voodoo and tectonic plate activity in Haiti. Continue Reading

The literary world was shocked this week by news of J.D. Salinger’s death. Author of the iconic coming of age tale Catcher in the Rye, Salinger died at his New Hampshire home, aged 91. The non-literary world was shocked that he was so old.

The beloved writer was also famous for decades of reclusiveness and for his refusal to have any works published for the last forty-five years. So mourning has mingled with excitement, amid speculation new Salinger works might soon be available in print. Continue Reading

Actor Blaine Thornton passed away this week at his home in San Diego, California. He was 91. Mr. Thornton will long be remembered as one of the major stars in early television, but only by his immediate family.

A child star, Blaine first found the silver screen in Hal Roach’s ill-fated spinoff to the “Our Gang” franchise, “Buckwheat’s Posse.” Continue Reading