ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (GlossyNews) — In what Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel termed, “ordinary mid-term reassignments” First Lady Michelle Obama was fired today by Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack.
The brief press statement, sent via Twitter and read by White House spokesperson Robert Gibbs, cited Michelle’s failure to ‘get with the program’ as cause for dismissal.
Said Gibbs, “She’s a nice woman, and we wish her the best in future endeavors, but Michelle just isn’t a good fit for Team Obama. We’re trying to change the direction of America; it’s serious business. Personally, I like Michelle. Have no idea why Tom Vilsack fired the First Lady, but he’s the Secretary of Agriculture. He knows what he’s doing. After all? It’s not like Tom is some knee-jerk hack appointed to a cabinet level job as political payback for his help in Iowa primary. That’s just tin foil hat crazy talk, right?”
Our nation’s Capitol is teeming with speculation on Michelle Obama’s next career move. At DC’s famed “Make it look like a Business expense” bistro, voices offering uninformed predictions sounded very much like a gaggle of agitated geese.
Recently ‘retired’ journalism artifact Helen Thomas was quick to offer an opinion, but nobody cares what she thinks. Famed New York Times editorialist Maureen Dowd, on her fourth Margarita, offered her assessment on the West Wing shakeup.
“S’look? Don’t usually go for bald guys, but you’re not the worst I’ve seen. So what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Michelle Obama. Thas’ the new Oprah right there. She’s a ver’ emphatic woman. No, nope thas’ not the right word, not the right word. Empathetic, yeah, that’s it! That’s what Michelle is, empathetic. She’d make a great Oprah Winfrey.”
According to Gloria the bartender, Mr. Obama has already phoned Mrs. Obama to apologize for the firing, and offered to reinstate her as First Lady. It was unclear at closing time whether Michelle will go back to her former position.