Agriculture Secretary Fires Michelle Obama

ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (GlossyNews) — In what Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel termed, “ordinary mid-term reassignments” First Lady Michelle Obama was fired today by Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack.

The brief press statement, sent via Twitter and read by White House spokesperson Robert Gibbs, cited Michelle’s failure to ‘get with the program’ as cause for dismissal.

Said Gibbs, “She’s a nice woman, and we wish her the best in future endeavors, but Michelle just isn’t a good fit for Team Obama. We’re trying to change the direction of America; it’s serious business. Personally, I like Michelle. Have no idea why Tom Vilsack fired the First Lady, but he’s the Secretary of Agriculture. He knows what he’s doing. After all? It’s not like Tom is some knee-jerk hack appointed to a cabinet level job as political payback for his help in Iowa primary. That’s just tin foil hat crazy talk, right?”

Our nation’s Capitol is teeming with speculation on Michelle Obama’s next career move. At DC’s famed “Make it look like a Business expense” bistro, voices offering uninformed predictions sounded very much like a gaggle of agitated geese.

Recently ‘retired’ journalism artifact Helen Thomas was quick to offer an opinion, but nobody cares what she thinks. Famed New York Times editorialist Maureen Dowd, on her fourth Margarita, offered her assessment on the West Wing shakeup.

“S’look? Don’t usually go for bald guys, but you’re not the worst I’ve seen. So what were we talking about? Oh yeah, Michelle Obama. Thas’ the new Oprah right there. She’s a ver’ emphatic woman. No, nope thas’ not the right word, not the right word. Empathetic, yeah, that’s it! That’s what Michelle is, empathetic. She’d make a great Oprah Winfrey.”

According to Gloria the bartender, Mr. Obama has already phoned Mrs. Obama to apologize for the firing, and offered to reinstate her as First Lady. It was unclear at closing time whether Michelle will go back to her former position.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

4 thoughts on “Agriculture Secretary Fires Michelle Obama

  1. Michelle isn’t facing any criticism another first lady wouldn’t. as first lady your actions will be scrutinized and when your vacation requires a couple hundred thousand dollars of tax payer money in the middle of a recession you can expect some backlash. if you don’t want to deal with that as first lady then tell your husband not to run for office.

  2. Interesting points, Reveler. This article was written to mock an admin that appears to be in hyper-reactive mode about all racially tinged issues; as in firing of Shirley Sherrod without due process.

    To be serious on First Lady issue? (About 45 seconds of serious is all I can manage) I’d say it’s a hallmark of a disgustingly adolescent culture to dwell on First Lady like she ran for elected office. Rich people get to go to Spain for vacation if they like. That’s one reason it’s fun to be rich.

    Bad PR? Sure. Grow up America.

  3. While most Americans can’t afford to take a summer vacation; critics of the first lady believe that (even though the Obama’s paid for her vacation personally), that exorbitant costs, like a Costa del Sol hotel room costing $2,500, are outrageous. And it’s showing in the polls. Interestingly enough, Mrs. Obama’s popularity is now even lower than former First Lady Laura Bush was at its lowest. Promoting literacy and education, and dressing like an Avon Lady, was never going to ruffle too many feathers. Plus, her husband caused enough snafus for the both of them.

    One has to remember even though Laura Bush (Mrs. Obama’s predecessor) wasn’t trying to make the splash that Michelle Obama has, one still has to wonder isn’t being first lady about creating a little controversy?

    http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2010/08/michelle-obama-is-no-longer-loved-by-the-american-public/

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