Remote Control Pets Deemed Nearer

Rashomon Technologies today announced that it is discontinuing field trials for “Good-Dog” due to the technology’s stunningly successful performance. The product’s target launch date is late 2011, contingent on royalty and licensing agreements with US veterinarians. RT CEO Kazuo Kurosawa acted as ringmaster in the multi-media presentation of a consumer product that industry insiders believe will out sell the iPhone.

“Our demographic research shows that the demand for pets remains strong. We expect it to trend double-digit growth as baby boomers retire. Yet, we see pet-human interaction time trending inversely in an increasingly wired culture. Therefore we developed the ‘Good-Dog’ technology.”

Mr. Kurosawa went on to explain that a small receiver placed at the base of a dog’s brain will render the pet obedient to commands from a remote control. Dr. Emiko Yamane was introduced to give an overview of how the GD technology works.

“Yes, it is a breakthrough but mostly in the power source. The unit draws its power from body heat of the canine. This will have far-reaching implications for RT in other fields. In application, the receiver gets IFR transmission from the remote. It produces an effect like in humans the urge to hiccup, or perhaps blink, on specific areas of the canine brain. So a onetime trip to the veterinarian for device implant, and the canine will obey the commands sent via the remote control device.”

Kurosawa again took the stage to show the “Good-Dog” remote via IMAX screen. It has five buttons which are labeled Sit, Stay, Come, Stop doing that, and Attack. The video went on to show a montage wherein a variety of family pets were run through their paces, via use of the GD remote control. In one particularly impressive segment, a three-year old child was seen working buttons on a Golden Retriever, as the Pretenders’ “I’ll Stand by You” played in the background.

In closing statements, Mr. Kurosawa said, “This is what people want, a positive interaction with a non-judgmental ‘family’ member that is low time investment and governed by easily managed technology.”

RT shares closed sharply higher on Tokyo’s Nikkei index today.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

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