Author: Liberties-Taken
Holy Grail Found Inside Ark of the Covenant Inside Noah’s Ark
Astounding news continues from a Hong Kong based group of evangelical archeologists. The Xinyou Qing Project (rough English translation, ‘We go find Ark now’) first grabbed headlines this year with discovery of Noah’s Ark on Mt. Ararat. Detailed work at…
Steenking Badges Demand Trending Sharply Lower
In what industry analysts warn may signal a downturn for Mexico’s extraction sector, ‘Steenking Badges’ futures closed sharply lower today. The precipitous decline over the past six weeks, though generally seen as unfavorable, elicited highly contentious opinions. The widely acknowledged…
New Leak Linked to BP
ROSWELL, New Mexico (GlossyNews) — In his harshest stance yet, President Barack Obama has demanded flailing petroleum giant BP establish yet another $20B set-aside to address more leak damage. At issue is the recent Wiki-leaks release of 91,000 classified documents,…
Agriculture Secretary Fires Michelle Obama
ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (GlossyNews) — In what Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel termed, “ordinary mid-term reassignments” First Lady Michelle Obama was fired today by Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack. The brief press statement, sent via Twitter and read by White House spokesperson…
Kagan Birth Certificate Controversy
ODESSA, Texas Commonwealth (GlossyNews) — While it was initially believed Elena Kagan’s Supreme Court nomination would move ahead with only token opposition, such hopes are fading as Congress begins the summer recess. Backed by the Tea Party affiliated Citizens for…
Remote Control Pets Deemed Nearer
Rashomon Technologies today announced that it is discontinuing field trials for “Good-Dog” due to the technology’s stunningly successful performance. The product’s target launch date is late 2011, contingent on royalty and licensing agreements with US veterinarians. RT CEO Kazuo Kurosawa…
Satire Writers Threaten Strike After Working Slowdown Goes Unnoticed
In uncertain economic times, people facing unemployment and foreclosure often find it difficult to empathize with artists who suffer writers block. Such was confirmed in a recent study from the Pew Research Center. According to the results: 67 percent of…
Bank Deemed ‘Too Big to Succeed’
NEW YORK (GlossyNews) — Analysts predict a drop in equity markets this week, in the wake of unexpected SEC announcements. Investment giant Guildenstern & Rosencrantz, long a Wall Street presence, is to be liquidated. The word came from Under Assistant…
Glossy News Sues Al Qaeda
THE HAGUE, The Netherlands — (GlossyNews) — Humor news media titan Glossy News announced today a lawsuit expected to redefine international intellectual property rights law, and possibly win the war against terror. According to a brief filed in New York’s…
Director Cameron Making 4-D Movie
HOLLYWOODLAND, West Coast (GlossyNews) — Self-crowned ‘King of Directors’ James Cameron today announced a project expected to establish a new standard in cinema. Speaking from Malibu’s exclusive ‘Pssst, You can smoke in here’ Bistro, the mega-hit crafter was upbeat, while…