Month: February 2014
Creation Museum Sets Stupidly Low Bar w/ Non-Floating Ark
Ken Ham, while unclean in name only, continues to vie valiantly for the creation of a modern day Ark to prove once and for all that the book of Genesis was written as a literal and true historical account. But…
Latest String of Shark Attacks Leaves Baskets Empty
Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – Wait-staff at the popular restaurant chain, Olive Garden, are suffering the aftermath from a recent string of Great White Shark attacks off the New Jersey coastline as more and more breadsticks, the complimentary item served to…
Disease-Free Pee-Pee and Wee-Wee Bracelets Banned
I [Heart] Boobies bracelets are catching a lot of flak from adults who say their teen children shouldn’t be wearing them even if it is to promote a good cause, i.e. fighting breast cancer. And now, there are two other…
Crashed Military Jungle Pilot Unfound, FAA Blames Pilot Fatigues
WASHINGTON — Following an investigation into the crash and subsequent disappearance of U.S. Air Force Captain Wilbur “Willie” Rong during a non-combat mission somewhere over the Congo in Central Africa, the FAA has concluded that while the cause of the…
Satanist Claims Satanist Not A Satanist
Lucien Graves, spokesperson and Grand Goat Master for the Horned and Cloven Hoofed Tabernacle went on record yesterday claiming accused “Craigslist Dexter Killer” Miranda Morgan was just a cheap poser and a hack. Morgan was arrested Monday in the killing…
Homophobic Man Struggles with his Fear
Dateline: New York—Morris Jenkins suffers from a debilitating fear of homosexuals, commonly called homophobia. When in the presence of gay people, he ceases to function. “I remember the first time the terror struck me,” he said. “I was at work…
FOX Television Found To Be Riddled
The conservative news agency FOX News has been found to be riddled with subversives, anarchic souls whose unwholesome lifestyles do not conform to FOX’s strict right leaning policies. Even more surprising, some of these cancerous maladies that weaken the proud…
IOC Officials Admit Curling Event Added To Be More Inclusive
In a stunning admission the International Olympic Committee issued a statement today confirming Curling was added to be more inclusive to non-athletes. The IOC had come under fire for its wall-to-wall coverage of this years Curling competition, many times at…
An Open Letter To GN And Contributors
Risking open rebellion from artists and maybe the admin, I’d like to make a suggestion. This site needs a writers forum where contributors can discuss submitted articles and make suggestions to improve our skills. I’m not a polished writer and…
Olympics Save Money By Giving Out Fool’s Gold Trophies
In an attempt to curtail expenses the Olympic Committee has taken the measure of exchanging 1st place gold trophies with ones made out of fool’s gold, the famous mineral often mistaken for gold by enterprising miners. These pseudo statues will…