Latest String of Shark Attacks Leaves Baskets Empty

Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – Wait-staff at the popular restaurant chain, Olive Garden, are suffering the aftermath from a recent string of Great White Shark attacks off the New Jersey coastline as more and more breadsticks, the complimentary item served to customers with the purchase of any entrée, have been the latest victims.

“I know I speak for my entire staff when I say that these attacks have made it very difficult to please customers who only come for our never-ending breadstick baskets,” said General Manager, Al Harvan, while stuffing his pockets to the brim with the few breadsticks that remained in their kitchen.

“Just thinking about those fresh-from-the-oven sticks with their warm, buttery taste…makes me want to cry,” added a tearful Harvan.

Marine researchers have been working around the clock to determine why sharks have suddenly gained an appetite for the baked goods. “It’s all in the ingredients,” claims Marine Biologist, Justin Rodier, who has been studying the habits of sharks for close to 20 years.

“A recent change in the breadstick recipe now includes a miniscule amount of shrimp blood that appears to have changed the flavor just enough to cause these ferocious predators to chomp down at every opportunity,” added Rodier.

Lifeguards at all New Jersey beaches are asking swimmers not to bring their leftovers and takeout meals into the water until after the attacks decline. In the meantime, Olive Garden plans to double the size of their salads to accommodate for the depleted inventory.

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