Posted in Top Stories

Big Pharma Creates New Polio-Like Virus

Representatives of Big Pharma revealed today that they have created a new polio-like virus and are testing it on California schoolchildren. “We have infected about 30 California schoolchildren far”, said Big Pharma spokesperson Greg Skrewm. “We hope to have reached…

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Posted in News In Your Briefs

Ten Ways to Know You Have Writer’s Block

1.

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Posted in Sports Events Sports Scandals

Danica Patrick Accuses NASCAR Drivers of Misogyny

NASCAR driver Danica Patrick charged other drivers with sexism and misogyny after being bumped in Sundays Daytona 500 causing her to crash into the outer wall and ending her race. “There’s only one woman at Daytona today and who gets…

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Posted in Politics Religionism

Arizona State Legisislature Votes To Change State Motto, Slogan

Giddy with the joy of Christ at successfully legalizing state sponsored endorsement of dark age phobias and insanities the Arizona State Legislature voted to to change the State slogan and motto along with other state designations and affiliations.

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip Music

Jack and Diane Embroiled in Bitter Divorce

Back in 1982 a little ditty about Jack and Diane went viral making them household names and catapulting them into music immortality. Symbolizing small town kids living the American Dream of the late 20th century, the years have not been…

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Posted in Health Opinion/Editorial

I Guess I Have an Irrational Fear of Tubes Going in my Urethra

Guest writer Doug Fedler Call me crazy, but I just don’t like the idea of having tubes inserted into my urethra. I guess everyone’s got their quirks. Maybe my thinking is a little cluttered since I’m about to have my…

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Posted in Crime Talky Pictures

Pirates Found With Dead Navy Seals on Maersk Alabama

Seychelles police have confirmed three deceased Ethiopian pirates were found along with two retired Navy Seal security personnel discovered dead on the Maersk Alabama this last weekend. The three pirates carried Ethiopian passports and appeared to be dressed as Captian…

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Posted in Crime

Judge Rejects 17-Year-Old Drunk Driver Affluenza Defense

A Texas judge threw out the Affluenza defense of a 16-year-old drunk driver today claiming the boy’s family did not make enough money to qualify for that defense. “I am sentencing this boy to three years in prison,” said Texas…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

The Power of Intention by Dr. Wayne Dyer; a Review of Sorts

Ok, so I’m taking my husband to work. On the radio is some guy telling me how I can improve my life through my thoughts. How I can make my intentions come true if I only change my thinking from…

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Posted in Religionism

Second Horseman of The Apocalypse Holds News Conference

The Second Horseman of The Apocalypse held a rare news conference at his estate today, warning that the Apocalypse Alert level may have to be raised. The Second Horseman met with the reporters arrayed outside the gates of his secluded…

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Posted in Biz News Religionism

Creation Museum Sets Stupidly Low Bar w/ Non-Floating Ark

Ken Ham, while unclean in name only, continues to vie valiantly for the creation of a modern day Ark to prove once and for all that the book of Genesis was written as a literal and true historical account. But…

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Posted in Health Society

Latest String of Shark Attacks Leaves Baskets Empty

Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – Wait-staff at the popular restaurant chain, Olive Garden, are suffering the aftermath from a recent string of Great White Shark attacks off the New Jersey coastline as more and more breadsticks, the complimentary item served to…

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Posted in Health

Disease-Free Pee-Pee and Wee-Wee Bracelets Banned

I [Heart] Boobies bracelets are catching a lot of flak from adults who say their teen children shouldn’t be wearing them even if it is to promote a good cause, i.e. fighting breast cancer. And now, there are two other…

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Posted in Travel

Crashed Military Jungle Pilot Unfound, FAA Blames Pilot Fatigues

WASHINGTON — Following an investigation into the crash and subsequent disappearance of U.S. Air Force Captain Wilbur “Willie” Rong during a non-combat mission somewhere over the Congo in Central Africa, the FAA has concluded that while the cause of the…

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Posted in Religionism Society

Satanist Claims Satanist Not A Satanist

Lucien Graves, spokesperson and Grand Goat Master for the Horned and Cloven Hoofed Tabernacle went on record yesterday claiming accused “Craigslist Dexter Killer” Miranda Morgan was just a cheap poser and a hack. Morgan was arrested Monday in the killing…

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Posted in Health Human Interest Strange People

Homophobic Man Struggles with his Fear

Dateline: New York—Morris Jenkins suffers from a debilitating fear of homosexuals, commonly called homophobia. When in the presence of gay people, he ceases to function. “I remember the first time the terror struck me,” he said. “I was at work…

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Posted in Television

FOX Television Found To Be Riddled With Subversives

The conservative news agency FOX News has been found to be riddled with subversives, anarchic souls whose unwholesome lifestyles do not conform to FOX’s strict right leaning policies. Even more surprising, some of these cancerous maladies that weaken the proud…

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Posted in Sports Events

IOC Officials Admit Curling Event Added To Be More Inclusive

In a stunning admission the International Olympic Committee issued a statement today confirming Curling was added to be more inclusive to non-athletes. The IOC had come under fire for its wall-to-wall coverage of this years Curling competition, many times at…

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Posted in Entertainment Internets Tubes

An Open Letter To GN And Contributors

Risking open rebellion from artists and maybe the admin, I’d like to make a suggestion. This site needs a writers forum where contributors can discuss submitted articles and make suggestions to improve our skills. I’m not a polished writer and…

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Posted in Sports Events

Olympics Save Money By Giving Out Fool’s Gold Trophies

In an attempt to curtail expenses the Olympic Committee has taken the measure of exchanging 1st place gold trophies with ones made out of fool’s gold, the famous mineral often mistaken for gold by enterprising miners. These pseudo statues will…

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