WASHINGTON — Following an investigation into the crash and subsequent disappearance of U.S. Air Force Captain Wilbur “Willie” Rong during a non-combat mission somewhere over the Congo in Central Africa, the FAA has concluded that while the cause of the crash itself remains a mystery, the failure of search and rescue teams to locate the pilot is likely due to the pilot’s fatigues.
According to FAA Spokesperson Frank Capestra, “Usually, military pilots wear those sweet jumpsuits. You know, like in the movie Top Gun. But in this instance, it’s believed that Captain Rong was wearing full jungle camouflage fatigues at the time of the crash. This is making it extraordinarily difficult to find him “
Added Capestra, “Plus, the ghillie suit certainly isn’t helping matters.”
At press time, reports indicate that Captain Rong’s wardrobe confusion may have stemmed from his hectic, 96-consecutive-hour flight schedule and the resulting sleep deprivation, though the Pentagon’s official stance is that they’re “just trying to prepare the pilots for their post-military, commercial pilot careers.”